Leaving my heart in Shanghai

Disclaimer: This article does not seek to provide information about studying Mandarin in Shanghai, nor does it give an entirely objective view of life in the city.

What does a person do when he finds that sliver of a moment when he can say that he is, without doubt or pretension – truly happy? Does he attempt to freeze time and capture the moment for all eternity? Or does he simply savor the present and hope that cherished memories of the past will be enough to last him when the moment passes? Frankly, I’m not entirely sure. I only know that my time in Shanghai has all but run out, and I feel signs of heartbreak creeping up on me at the idea of leaving this place.

Someone once pleaded with me not to write an article like this – an outpouring of sentiment of how wonderful my one-year stay in Shanghai was. There are two reasons for it. First, the last thing I want to do is to idealize the notion of living in this city. Shanghai has come a long way in the past years, true. However, the place is still lacking in many aspects – manners and cleanliness to name a few. And in retrospect, the very things that I am supposed to have loved about this place – my job and the school (for learning Mandarin), turned out to be okay, but not so fabulous after all. For me, real learning came in the form of figuring out who I am and who I want to be, with the help of a fabulous group of people I was fortunate enough to have been able to be with in Shanghai.

The more selfish reason – which I am still hesitant to say, in fear of sounding like I am too arrogant – is that we want to keep Shanghai to ourselves. We, meaning me and my friends who are – surprise, surprise – also from the Philippines. We are not the first people to have come to this place, nor are we the most successful people here. However, part of the charm of my Shanghai stay – be it studying under Jiaotong University’s language program or working in a foreign company, is the exclusivity of the experience. We have, as fate would have it, formed a family of our own. With the further of influx of people into Shanghai, the more interesting and diverse the place becomes. But with the increased opportunity for interaction, there is also the possibility of decreased chances for intimacy and genuine friendship.

Simply saying that Shanghai was a wonderful experience, after I’ve said the same thing about my experience of studying in both Manila and Singapore for college, somewhat trivializes the whole meaning and passion I have for this particular place. I’ve had my share of so-called eye-opening experiences before I came to Shanghai, and I didn’t particularly expect this place to hold much for me aside from exposure to a new language and culture. Looking back, the past year hasn’t actually been one of those wham-bam, explosive, life-altering experiences. The spell of the city’s charm was a slow-worker that secretly edged its way into my heart, cheesy as that may sound.

I’ve experienced a different kind of bonding with the people here – more of a no-holds-barred kind of relationship. We have seen each other at our absolute craziest moments; we’ve been stared at hundreds of times in the most public of places because of the new definition we’ve given to the word loud; we’ve had, "Oh no! Is that the sun I see rising?" moments more often than we should have. We’ve been domesticated, for lack of a better term. Our cooking and cleaning skills have grown exponentially, more so than our Chinese speaking skills combined. I’ve been dragged to forget-your-name-Fridays, an amazing feat considering I’m probably one of the people least inclined to partying that you’ll ever meet. During one of our saner moments, a remark made by my friend, "I think I’m my truest self when I am here," probably hits closest to the mark what we feel about this place.

With all the love I feel for this place, I was torn when it came to deciding whether to extend my contract here or move on to further studies, as originally planned. After giving it much thought, I depressingly came to the conclusion that however fun it might be here, this probably isn’t the city for me to be based in the for a long time. I highly doubt it, but it’s possible that I’ve squeezed all there is to be had here in terms of personal growth. As for my career, I see myself progressing further if I study and hopefully get the license I’ve been hoping to obtain. Moreover, what does it have to say for me if the most beautiful things I love about this country are the friends I make, and these friends are from the Philippines anyway? It might be that all along I’ve assumed my heart to be in the wrong place; it might be that it never left home to begin with.

Goodbyes are never easy. I suck at them. I’m leaving Shanghai in a few weeks, but as it always is, the memories I have of this place will forever be ingrained in my mind. And to my extended family here – Dre, Kim, Rissa, Dennis, Tio, Jupi, Abi, Geof, Marv, Lounge 802, Fa Hua, and all the rest I fail to mention – a very big thank you from the bottom of my heart. As a wonderful writer and even greater friend Andrea See put it…

"Whenever I think about how little time is left, I always become sad and a bit confused. Where did the time go? Time does fly when you’re having fun, but I think this is truer: Time flies when you’re with people you have fun with, can be totally yourself with, are genuine friends with. I realized that what has touched me most isn’t the city itself but something so much closer to home; it is the company, the little piece of Manila that I have here. And I love you, my Shanghai family – my XJH gang, my crew, my troops, my heart, my siblinghood of the traveling rings – all to bits. Foh-eh-vah. (Insert matching hand gestures.)"

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Thanks for writing! For more comments or suggestions, email me at stephaniecoyiuto@yahoo.com.