Wishing & hoping

Dear China, Mai-Mai and Tingting,

People say that the "perfect man" does not exist. However, last December I think I met my perfect man. Everything that I want in a husband, I saw in him. It was like a fairytale. We got along well and I felt that he was attracted to me, too. The problem is, he never called me again. I don’t know what went wrong and I have since spent my days praying that he will remember me. But he is still on my mind. Do you think fate exists? Do you think this guy will eventually find his way back to me? Or is it also possible that my dream guy has just passed me by? – Damsel In Distress

Yes, I think there is such a thing as fate, but you should consider the facts too. It has been a while and he still hasn’t been in touch with you. With all the available means of tracking you down and all the means for communication, I would think that if he feels something for you, he would have at least tried to rekindle the friendship. Because he hasn’t, I think it’s time you think of moving on. Remember, if he’s meant for you, as fate dictates, nothing and no one can stop you from getting back together. – China

I believe in fate but I don’t think waiting is the way that works. If you’re destined to be together, it will come. In the meantime, I think you should stop thinking about the past and start living in the present. I think life is what we make of it. – Mai-Mai

Fate exists, but I don’t think it’s smart for you to sit by, wishing and waiting for it to happen. If it happens, it happens. That’s fate. But the reality is he hasn’t called you. Have you considered that maybe his feelings for you are not as strong as your feelings for him? He could have helped fate a little bit if he kept in touch, but the fact that he didn’t should give you a hint. Don’t wait around. Date other guys. There may not be a perfect man as there is no perfect woman, but I’m sure there’s someone out there you can be a perfect match with, maybe just not this guy. – Tingting

* * *

Two Months and Ending?

Dear China, Mai-Mai and Tingting,

I am in a two-month relationship but I still have doubts about my boyfriend. When we’re not together, he says he’s with other girls partying, and then later he says it’s just a joke. I’m really not sure about his feelings towards me especially as my friends tell me that he’s just using me. Then, I introduced one of my friends to him and he’s been asking for her cellphone number. Sometimes he’s sweet towards me, but sometimes he’s cold. I don’t want to break up with him because I love him and it will hurt to let him go. What do you think? – Baby Karma

You must assess your relationship before making a decision. When a person is in love, there’s really a chance that they might get hurt in the process. Even if you don’t admit it, sometimes you get paranoid, demanding and insecure about others. Because you know how much his actions hurt you, you must also think about how much of his actions make you happy. Does this even out? Meaning, how often are you happy and how often are you sacrificing in silence? If being unhappy weighs out the times that you are happy, then maybe you should rethink the relationship. – China

Of course, you have to talk to him. It’s the only way you can iron out your differences. Tell him exactly how you feel. If he apologizes and tries to remedy the situation, then maybe he deserves the benefit of the doubt and another chance. But if he doesn’t appreciate your openness, then maybe he doesn’t care about what hurts you. This means, it’s better for you to break up now and move on than delay your agony. The main thing is for you to talk to him than talk to your friends about him. – Mai-Mai

You’re into the relationship for only two months so I think these realizations come at the opportune time. You have a choice – either to either break up with him because of these doubts or play down the hurt feelings. Personally, I think you should use this time to get to know him better and open-mindedly discern if your friends have a point. Don’t waste your chance. Even love dies if too much pain revolves around it. Love truly needs to be nurtured. – Tingting

* * *

Send questions to sistersact_ys @yahoo.com.