Spoiled rotten

Couture is dead. Or perhaps that is the premature cry of "it" drink knocking fashionistas when Donatella Versace was hauled off to rehab and announced that there would be no winter couture show. Ungaro similarly cried pret-a-porter as well. We were just waiting for this, an end of an era.

The reality TV terrorism of the senses has certainly stabbed its final one to the heart in the world of theatrics. With couture gone, fantasy dissolves along with it. People will soon be slapping raw lanolin on their faces again as they shelve the skin caviar. No-nonsense beauty is in – and you know what, it might not be that bad after all.

When I travel I do two things: 1) Check out the local KFC and see where it belongs in my ever-growing list of in-search-of-the-best-KFC-in-the-world, and 2) Check out the best spa in the area. After a while though, too much lux – if it’s possible – can get too tiring. I guess not all of us are built like Kimora Lee Simmons.

When modulated voices, bowing attendants and too much, well, herbal shit start giving you nightmares, be comforted that there are options. That is why I have been visiting this little barbershop across my apartment with the frequency of Charlie Sheen visiting Heidi Fleiss in the ’90s.

No Enya music, no pretentious sounding services and the clincher – prices that are more Gap than McQueen. I have gone anti-couture in the spa arena at least. There’s something heartwarmingly retro about going to the neighborhood barbershop. Mind you, I don’t try to use a hot lather shave in ways that it was intended for. Monsieur is quite evolved. Its menu boasts of gender-friendly services such as a ninety minute chiro-massage (a blend of Swedish and shiatsu massage), which runs for a jaw-dropping P330 (with a private room for a minimum fee)! They have hair spas, spa pedicures, waxing and nail services done in a straightforward yet effective manner. In some convoluted way, I have embraced the world of low maintenance. Even for a peacock like me, a two-hour pedicure can be a bit too wearying for me. You’d have to be on heavy doses of lithium not to mind it.

To name a few more, the Novio Package boasts of a haircut and 30-minute scalp massage. El Señor has manicure, foot reflexology with paraffin treatment and The Groom is a bounty that includes a haircut, shave, facial, manicure and full-body massage.  "We are definitely closing the gender gap in salon services.  Need your shoes shined before that big presentation? Want to get rid of those cold knots on your back? Monsieur Barbershop and Massage Therapy is the ultimate oasis for your grooming needs" exclaims a chipper Beverly Lai, one of the proprietresses of Monsieur. By the way, this oasis is ironically owned by three women thus the lush menu.

The piece de resistance of the whole place is the ear cleaning service in which an able, er, ear cleaner uses a thin rod to scrape every sucker in your aural region. It’s eye-rolling-ly heavenly and comes with a mini-shoulder rub that makes you wonder about the concept of sacrifice.

It’s nice to be spoiled in that manly kind of way. Barbershops have a lighter atmosphere. Not quite as feudalistic as most highbrow spas which may cause democratic souls to feel ill at ease. And what can I say, a good deal beats any fake Thailand spa environment anytime.

Another hybrid spa I visited recently was that of a Derma spa kind of joint. Total Skinn looked like a chic Dermatologist’s office – clean, spare, and free from the trapping of chimes and Zen fountains. The only thing is there are no dermatologists, just well trained aestheticians that perform simply named facial and body treatments (thank god) that treat skin afflictions rather than encourage it.

For the Kuwait-skinned denizens of the city, the Sebum Blemish facial comes highly recommended. Basically the formulation regulates the oil production and extracts the sins of the past. The facials are basically straightforward but you can couture it up with a selection of add-ons such as a peel, lasertone or firming treatments. I tried out the lasertone, which has been an object of scrutiny among those who care about these things, although I was advised that the results were to be achieved after cumulative use of the technology. I did notice some redness was gone, but the tight and luminous texture that was promised was that of a distant future for me.

This is the ideal place to get things fixed, like an alteration place for minor skin worries. It’s, if anything, a place to unwind fuss free. The staff is not creepily servile and the therapy rooms look like the type of massage room your favorite aunt would furbish complete with dainty crocheted pillows and a mini valet station for your clothes. There is a homey feel. It’s not the kind of place to escape in but rather to feel comfortable in.

With all these alterna spas available in the city, I guess you can still say there is still the notion of couture in how to pamper ourselves. Haute is not always hot after all.

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Monsieur is found in 115 Aguirre St., Legaspi Village Tel. 8300604.

Total Skinn is located at the 8th floor, Pearlbank Center, 146 Valero St., Salcedo Village, Makati City. Tel. 8945877/8945879.