Break up to make up?
July 30, 2004 | 12:00am
SISTERS ACT By Mai Mai & China Cojuangco …AND MOM REACTS By Tingting Cojuangco
IDear China, Mai-Mai And Tingting,
For the past 10 months, I have had this on-off relationship with my girlfriend. Each time we have a disagreement, she threatens me with a breakup and I give in knowing it doesn’t last and we’re "on" again. About a month ago, she was hurt by something I said and asked for her space. I gave in but when it seemed that she wanted to make up with me again, I avoided her. One factor is that she’s a Christian and I’m Catholic and I’m not comfortable when she’s always invoking God’s name. I pray too. I believe in God too. I just think that sometimes, we have to solve our own problems ourselves and not always wait for signs. The second factor is that while some of my friends like her, my family doesn’t. What should I do?
Agitated
Among all the factors you have given, I think you should be concerned about the basic fact that you break up whenever your partnership faces a challenge. Problems and disagreements aren’t solved this way. It’s not productive nor is it healthy. The fact that she always wants a separation whenever there’s trouble is a sign of immaturity. It’s also possible that she just wants you to chase her around. But then again, that’s disrespecting you and your feelings. I can’t say if you’re right for each other, but what I know is that more often than not, those "in love" tend to be blind that they ignore the glaring signs before them. Don’t be one of them. I think you should talk to her about this and the other issues that hound you. Only then will you know if she deserves you.
China
I’m a devout Catholic too and I have many friends who are Christian, so I am positive there’s the possibility of peaceful co-existence. If you think long-term though, one of you might have to consider conversion. But for now, I think one problem you have to face is that fact that your family doesn’t like her. It’s very far-fetched for relationships to succeed without the blessing of family. Lives revolve around relationships especially for Filipinos. Just think... are you willing to sacrifice your family for this girl? Are you willing to life a lie? Is she worth being at odds, banging heads with your parents for this? It sounds romantic but sorry, I don’t think this is love. I think you’re making the right move to reassess your relationship.
Mai-Mai
I’d like to believe that religion isn’t a real factor, but the reality is, it is. I’m sure there are married couples with different faiths that have been successful in keeping the relationship but I’m also sure it takes extra effort to make it work. Couples should share the same direction so there will be no confusion in rearing your children. They should share the same beliefs, the same tenets. There will be small cracks if you don’t have the same passion as she does in her religion, and eventually, these small cracks will erode your relationship. This is why I would advice you to seriously think about this first then discuss this topic with her before even considering a reconciliation.
Tingting
Send questions to sistersact_ys@yahoo.com.
IDear China, Mai-Mai And Tingting,
For the past 10 months, I have had this on-off relationship with my girlfriend. Each time we have a disagreement, she threatens me with a breakup and I give in knowing it doesn’t last and we’re "on" again. About a month ago, she was hurt by something I said and asked for her space. I gave in but when it seemed that she wanted to make up with me again, I avoided her. One factor is that she’s a Christian and I’m Catholic and I’m not comfortable when she’s always invoking God’s name. I pray too. I believe in God too. I just think that sometimes, we have to solve our own problems ourselves and not always wait for signs. The second factor is that while some of my friends like her, my family doesn’t. What should I do?
Agitated
Among all the factors you have given, I think you should be concerned about the basic fact that you break up whenever your partnership faces a challenge. Problems and disagreements aren’t solved this way. It’s not productive nor is it healthy. The fact that she always wants a separation whenever there’s trouble is a sign of immaturity. It’s also possible that she just wants you to chase her around. But then again, that’s disrespecting you and your feelings. I can’t say if you’re right for each other, but what I know is that more often than not, those "in love" tend to be blind that they ignore the glaring signs before them. Don’t be one of them. I think you should talk to her about this and the other issues that hound you. Only then will you know if she deserves you.
China
I’m a devout Catholic too and I have many friends who are Christian, so I am positive there’s the possibility of peaceful co-existence. If you think long-term though, one of you might have to consider conversion. But for now, I think one problem you have to face is that fact that your family doesn’t like her. It’s very far-fetched for relationships to succeed without the blessing of family. Lives revolve around relationships especially for Filipinos. Just think... are you willing to sacrifice your family for this girl? Are you willing to life a lie? Is she worth being at odds, banging heads with your parents for this? It sounds romantic but sorry, I don’t think this is love. I think you’re making the right move to reassess your relationship.
Mai-Mai
I’d like to believe that religion isn’t a real factor, but the reality is, it is. I’m sure there are married couples with different faiths that have been successful in keeping the relationship but I’m also sure it takes extra effort to make it work. Couples should share the same direction so there will be no confusion in rearing your children. They should share the same beliefs, the same tenets. There will be small cracks if you don’t have the same passion as she does in her religion, and eventually, these small cracks will erode your relationship. This is why I would advice you to seriously think about this first then discuss this topic with her before even considering a reconciliation.
Tingting
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