"Ipe, you just missed the live newsfeed," Dish owner and STAR’s Philip Cu-Unjieng sighs at the entrance, referring to the recent nationwide news broadcast of Channel 2’s TV Patrol and Studio 23’s Wazzup Wazzup within the premises.
Grabbing my first vodka tonic for the night, I went up the ramp on the left to look for some friends. "Hey Trishy!" I exclaimed, giving a hug to a supportive Tricia Cu-Unjieng who was sandwiched between her three adorable kids and sexy celebrity Joyce Jimenez. "Okay guys. Let’s go to the middle," I implored some friends of mine, Mika Bautista and Abba Napa, forming a human chain to efficiently push against the hordes of well-wishers who each guarded a flavored martini and some kind of pica-pica in their hands. After about 10 minutes, we somehow found our way to the perimeter of the VIP area, with a panel of media barons like Gabby Lopez, Cito Alejandro, Charo Santos-Concio and Monchet Olives, only a handshake away.
"Moët, Moët?" Dish’s EJ Litton graciously asks, waving his hand at the nearby waiter, signaling him to bring over some champagne for our thirsty group. Waiting for that green bottle to chill in the ice bucket, I notice something strange happening to my left.
"And now you’re back at the formal opening of Dish in the ABS-CBN Loop!" a man projects over a wireless microphone. Staring at the TV screen above, I realize that the chatty bystander happens to be MTB Ang Saya Saya’s Edu Manzano, who is in the middle of a live hosting spiel, simultaneously aired in the closed circuit TV system. Popping the cork, I decide to just continue towards the dancefloor with my full glass of bubbly.
In between sets, I receive another tap on the shoulder. "You’re Ipe, right? Come with me. We’re about to start," the tapping lady calmly declares, firmly pulling my hand. Looking at the peculiar microphone-earphone gadget dangling from her neck, I suddenly remember that I had earlier agreed to judge a segment in that live TV gag program: Yes Yes Show. While trying to make a quick call to the house to record said cameo, I was quickly led to a small stage by the DJ booth. "Five... four... three... two... one!" the show’s director Alco Guerrero declares over the P.A. system. Seated to the right of co-judge and actress Angelu de Leon, I anxiously peruse the scorecards.
"Nandito ngayon tayo live sa Dish sa ABS-CBN Loop at ito ang Clown in a Million!" national comedians Bayani Agbayani and Vhong Navarro announce as their special guest Epi Quizon sits on a high stool. For the next 15 minutes, we judge the comedy acts of three clowns by scoring them from one to five, with five being the funniest. "O judges, ano ang inyong score?" the hosts would periodically ask us after each performance. Like clockwork, I respond by raising the appropriate score card with a big grin, catching myself every so often on the TV screen. After the third round, I realize that watching yourself being broadcast on national television is a lot like staring in a mirror that projects your reflection to millions of other people you’ve never remotely met.