WANTED: GIFT OF GAB

Hi Marc,

I’m 24 years old, single, happy with my chosen career and can still manage to study at the same time. I’ve been on a date once with a guy two years younger than I am (although some say I could still pass for a college student). Still, during that night I really felt older so I ended up acting like an ate. So I guess he isn’t interested anymore. I don’t want to be quiet all the time on a date. Actually, I’m really being myself when I either say the dumbest thing (especially if a guy is attractive) or I will be very timid and consequently, uninteresting. How do I keep the conversation spontaneous and hopefully sensible?

MC

Worried about your conversation skills, huh? Well it doesn’t sound like your date with the younger guy went that badly to start with. Some guys actually get off on having a slightly older girlfriend. If I was Freud I could start rambling on about the attraction of motherly instincts and Oedipus complexes, but then again, all those ideas came from a man who couldn’t see a woman eat a banana without spouting out some new theory of cross-gender organ fixation. Sometimes a girl eats a banana because she just likes the taste. And sometimes a guy likes an older girl because, well, he is simply attracted to her as an individual (assuming of course, that he doesn’t start calling you mommy and insist on wearing diapers to bed).

It is generally true that guys mature a little slower than girls, so it’s often easier for a guy to date a younger girl than the other way around. Of course every individual is different, and there are plenty of young, mentally mature guys out there (as well as immature women of your age for that matter). However, they are a lot harder to find, and you may need to put up with dating a few boys before you find the man.

And once you find that man, what are you going to say to him? Once again, this really depends on the individual. As I mentioned, there are a lot of great guys out there, but every one has different likes, hobbies and interests. Raving about the latest New York Times bestselling novel may pique some guy’s interest, but what if he’s the type of guy who would prefer to wait and see the Hollywood version in a year or two? Talking about sports is usually regarded as an interesting topic for most guys, but then you have the problem of figuring out which sports? Basketball sounds pretty safe, until you start chatting to someone like me who doesn’t know the first thing about the game and would rather be wakeboarding during the playoffs.

The point I’m trying to make is that there is no correct topic to talk about with all guys. And even if there was, I wouldn’t recommend you sticking to just that anyway. What’s the point of talking to someone if you’re not going to get to know them and let them get to know you? That’s what conversation is all about! Communication. By talking about different topics and expressing different opinions, you get a much better idea of who the person is. Don’t go into a conversation just trying to please. Be yourself! Of course you may want to hold back on any radical opinions that will actually offend someone (save those for your close friends), but apart from that, give yourself a pretty loose rein. If they disagree with what you say, that’s fine. Maybe you can both learn a little something from the other’s point of view.

Also, don’t be afraid to bring up topics that you are interested in. You may be pleasantly surprised how many guys out there are also interested in dogs, the sliding peso and how best to get red wine stains out of a shirt (we’re not all slobs you know). It’s also amazing how interesting women’s magazines are to us guys. Apart from the photos of pretty cute girls (gotta love those summer swimsuit issues!), we are interested in a bit of gossip from time to time as well as how to pamper you girls (I’m constantly amazed at how many different ways there are! Guys, buy a girls’ magazine and start taking notes if you have an anniversary coming up).

One of the reasons that you tend to say foolish things when you’re with a guy is because you’re nervous. If you stick to topics you’re comfortable with, then less nerves! If you get onto something that you don’t know much about, feel free to admit it! Saying "To be honest, I don’t know much about the freezing temperature of fresh yak’s milk at 5,000 feet" is a lot better than stuttering and stumbling through a bull*@#t answer, and will win you honesty points in the long run. Of course, if you’re in a really good mood, you could just say something like, "That’s a trick question, as yak’s milk goes rancid and clumpy within 30 minutes of leaving the yak, and the highest altitude they graze at is 3,000 feet and only during the summer. The rest of the year they spend on the lower littoral plains." After your date has pulled his lower jaw up off the ground, you can tell him you’re just kidding and see if he has a sense of humor (just for the record, I don’t know the first thing about yaks or their grazing patterns).

So in essence, don’t feel the need to keep a conversation sensible. Spontaneous is good, and laughter is even better. Just be yourself and see if he likes you for who you are. If not, then you’ve just saved the two of you the long and drawn out process of pretending to be someone you’re not, only to find he only liked the person you were pretending to be. Be honest about yourself, talk about what interests you (and him – you’ll usually find some common ground) and at least he’ll get to know and hopefully like the real you. Oh, and by the way, if anyone out there does happen to know the freezing point of fresh yak’s milk... you really need to get out more often!

Marc

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