Little people

Once upon a time, in a film by Peter Jackson, there lived an inquisitive and clever-handed Hobbit named Sméagol who bore a curious resemblance to actor Andy Serkis. On his birthday, Sméagol went fishing with his friend, Déagol, among the beds of irises and flowering reeds by the banks of the Great River, Anduin. Suddenly, a big fish pulls Déagol into the water and drags him to the river-bottom. There, in a handful of mud, he finds a curious object: a ring. Bursting back to the surface, Déagol cradles his newfound treasure, blinded by its band glinting under the sun. Unseen, Sméagol’s eyes light up with malice; lips tremble to utter the words, "My precioussss".

Almost five hundred years later, another Hobbit named Bilbo Baggins finds himself lost under the Misty Mountains and meets a shrivel of a creature named Gollum – so named because of the awful retching that spews from its throat. Matching wits, they play riddles in the dark. With Elvish blade in one hand, Bilbo pockets Gollum’s precious ring with the other. Moved to pity, Bilbo spares Gollum’s life and takes flight. Screeching cries of hate and despair, Gollum screams, "Thief, thief! Baggins!"

Several birthdays later in the Shire, the ring (which turns out to be THE ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL…Come on, say it with us…ONE RING TO FIND THEM, ONE RING TO BRING THEM ALL AND…Okay that’s enough tomfoolery. We are familiar with female genitalia, people…) falls into the hands of another Baggins by the name of Frodo, Bilbo’s nephew and heir. In order to save his home from the Lord of the Rings, Frodo embarks on a quixotic quest to Mount Doom along with his gardener, Samwise Gamgee. With Sam’s help, Frodo captures Gollum and makes him their guide into Mordor. Like Bilbo, Frodo pities the poor wretch and sees a spark of what was once a Stoor Hobbit named Sméagol. Frodo tries to help him in hopes that he himself could be saved. He resolves to cast the Ring into the Cracks of Doom in order to destroy it.

Of course, after bearing the Ring for many Tolkien miles (an elastic distance which may be crossed within approximately nine hours viewing time), he doesn’t. Frodo falls under its spell and puts it on saying, "The Ring issss mine," the S’s slithering into each other. Thanks to Gollum – all traces of Sméagol gone – biting Frodo’s finger off and falling into the fire where the Ring was forged, the tale of the Nine-Fingered Hobbit and the Ring of Doom ends with a bitter moral.

Like a bad hard drive, power corrupts. This is one of the central themes in Tolkien’s anti-industrialist trilogy and is a point well told in Jackson’s film. The line between Ringbearer and Ring Wraith is finer than a strand of Galadriel’s hair and is better avoided by the little people, easily crossed by the big folk.Yet, it seems what is lost on adults is gleaned by their children.

With childlike simplicity and honesty, Sam rejects the lure of the Ring and its whispers of vainglory. At the slopes of Mount Doom, he shows his love and loyalty to the weary Frodo with the words, "I can’t carry it, but I can carry you." As personified by Frodo’s own Pancho Sanza, hope remains while stout hearts prevail.

If Leopold Bloom’s trek through Night-town is the right-of-passage for the mature reader, then the Hobbits’ journey across Middle-earth is its childhood equivalent. It is one of those magical moments: the time one realizes that the pilgrimage one is experiencing stretches far beyond the margins of the page (and, in this case, the movie screen). Leaving the Shire, one looses the threads of an old life, while exploring the patterns of a new one.

Strangely enough, the fact that the honorary Hobbit, Jackson, has pulled off the feat of filming a well-loved children’s classic and that it stands to become one of the biggest blockbusters in history has not aged the redoubtable director one bit. In fact, it seems to have heightened his child-like fervor for making what he unabashedly calls "escapist entertainment". Though he now has more than a Hobbit’s chance in Mordor on the quest to a Crack at the Oscar, he still would love to make splatter flicks and creature features like his upcoming remake of King Kong.

And, like in most faerie-tale endings, they all lived happily ever after in the minds of millions. Unless, of course, Jackson has learned the craft of Ringmaking and has forged a Master Ring…– With reports from Dafort Villaseran

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Tonight on the Gweilos Hour, the first heavyweight bout between two titans, in a battle to the death until only one is left standing…Actually, it’ll just be me and Marius battling it out in a song-by-song duel which you – our faithful listeners – will decide who wins. Prizes will be awarded to one lucky listener. It’s on tonight at 9 p.m. on NU 107.5. But you knew that, didn’t you?

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