AFFAIRS TO REMEMBER?
November 21, 2003 | 12:00am
Dear China, Maimai And Tingting,
My friend’s husband had an affair with his officemate and when they were found out, they were forced to resign from the office. The husband believes that my friend (his wife) was the one who told management about it. The husband is still looking for a job and still has communication with his former officemate. And my friend feels he has other affairs. What should she do? She has three very young kids. She really wants to be separated from her husband but because of the kids, she can’t. Yet, she’s eager to talk to her husband about the separation. Is it the right time for her to bring it up? Because of her past problems with him, she realizes that her husband can no longer change. She is really unstable emotionally. Please help her!
Rian
The family is a sacred institution. I believe we should preserve it – not break it. Although she may feel that there’s no end in her husband’s philandering ways, I think she should not lose hope. Instead, maybe she should try to look deeper into the cause of his disloyalty. Only when she knows why would she know what to do to resolve the problem.
China
I think your friend should exhaust all means before even thinking of separating with her husband. Maybe they should go to a marriage counselor and discover the root of the problem. Remember, it takes two to tango. Only when the issues appear to be really irreconcilable should they even think of separation. Apart from both of them and their respective families, their children will be hurt the most.
Maimai
If only because of the three children, I think your friend should reconsider. It’s the children who become the victim when marriages break up. She should remember that her decision would affect more than hers and her husband’s lives. Although we may say that children shouldn’t be a reason for a couple to stay, the reality is they might destroy more lives if they break up. They should try to work it out. No one said marriages was going to be easy anyway.
Tingting
Dear China, Maimai And Tingting,
I am scheduled to wed next year but I’m having second thoughts. My fiance and I have been together for the past six years but we broke off for a year because I felt I was not getting enough of his attention and time. A month after we broke off, he had another relationship, which he denied. Then, he started wooing me back. Because I loved him, we got together again. Then, I confirmed that he did have another relationship. I must admit I haven’t totally forgiven him. He’s so weak and easily gives in to temptation. I know I love him but I’m very worried.
Kathy
If you’re in doubt, then don’t get married. Follow your instinct. Many couples get into marriages without any doubt in their minds and still, many end up separating. Because you’re already having second thoughts, then I suggest you don’t push through with your wedding. Give yourselves more time to be together but not as a married couple. Give yourself time to get past it. If you can’t, then I am quite sure that each time you fight, this incident will be mentioned. Because he denied the relationship, you don’t trust him anymore. And we all know that trust is the foundation of any relationship.
China
You must be thankful that you found out before you even got married. Because you did, then you must discern if you will be able to forgive him or not. If the incident continues to haunt you, then forget it. You’ll just make a mess out of your marriage. You have to heal yourself first before you can get into this relationship. You’re so hurt and it isn’t sensible for you to get into something as critical as a marriage half-heartedly.
Maimai
Postpone the wedding. Don’t get married until you’re very sure. Getting into a marriage with doubts in your mind is not wise. For a relationship to work, you’ll have to trust your mate. Apparently, you don’t trust him anymore. Moreover, you haven’t forgiven him. Although technically, you have broken up when he had this other relationship, his denying it and lying to you should be enough to make you stop and think. Now that you have, I think you should delay the wedding until your mind is clear.
Tingting
Send questions to sistersact_ys@yahoo.com.
My friend’s husband had an affair with his officemate and when they were found out, they were forced to resign from the office. The husband believes that my friend (his wife) was the one who told management about it. The husband is still looking for a job and still has communication with his former officemate. And my friend feels he has other affairs. What should she do? She has three very young kids. She really wants to be separated from her husband but because of the kids, she can’t. Yet, she’s eager to talk to her husband about the separation. Is it the right time for her to bring it up? Because of her past problems with him, she realizes that her husband can no longer change. She is really unstable emotionally. Please help her!
Rian
The family is a sacred institution. I believe we should preserve it – not break it. Although she may feel that there’s no end in her husband’s philandering ways, I think she should not lose hope. Instead, maybe she should try to look deeper into the cause of his disloyalty. Only when she knows why would she know what to do to resolve the problem.
China
I think your friend should exhaust all means before even thinking of separating with her husband. Maybe they should go to a marriage counselor and discover the root of the problem. Remember, it takes two to tango. Only when the issues appear to be really irreconcilable should they even think of separation. Apart from both of them and their respective families, their children will be hurt the most.
Maimai
If only because of the three children, I think your friend should reconsider. It’s the children who become the victim when marriages break up. She should remember that her decision would affect more than hers and her husband’s lives. Although we may say that children shouldn’t be a reason for a couple to stay, the reality is they might destroy more lives if they break up. They should try to work it out. No one said marriages was going to be easy anyway.
Tingting
I am scheduled to wed next year but I’m having second thoughts. My fiance and I have been together for the past six years but we broke off for a year because I felt I was not getting enough of his attention and time. A month after we broke off, he had another relationship, which he denied. Then, he started wooing me back. Because I loved him, we got together again. Then, I confirmed that he did have another relationship. I must admit I haven’t totally forgiven him. He’s so weak and easily gives in to temptation. I know I love him but I’m very worried.
Kathy
If you’re in doubt, then don’t get married. Follow your instinct. Many couples get into marriages without any doubt in their minds and still, many end up separating. Because you’re already having second thoughts, then I suggest you don’t push through with your wedding. Give yourselves more time to be together but not as a married couple. Give yourself time to get past it. If you can’t, then I am quite sure that each time you fight, this incident will be mentioned. Because he denied the relationship, you don’t trust him anymore. And we all know that trust is the foundation of any relationship.
China
You must be thankful that you found out before you even got married. Because you did, then you must discern if you will be able to forgive him or not. If the incident continues to haunt you, then forget it. You’ll just make a mess out of your marriage. You have to heal yourself first before you can get into this relationship. You’re so hurt and it isn’t sensible for you to get into something as critical as a marriage half-heartedly.
Maimai
Postpone the wedding. Don’t get married until you’re very sure. Getting into a marriage with doubts in your mind is not wise. For a relationship to work, you’ll have to trust your mate. Apparently, you don’t trust him anymore. Moreover, you haven’t forgiven him. Although technically, you have broken up when he had this other relationship, his denying it and lying to you should be enough to make you stop and think. Now that you have, I think you should delay the wedding until your mind is clear.
Tingting
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