Princes of harkness

Even before the interview starts, you know that transcribing an interview with Parokya ni Edgar would be migraine-inducing, if not darn near impossible. There are six of them on the band, for one; six men who talk at the same time using words, codes, and a lingo culled over more than a decade of being friends – lingo that banks on deliberate carabao English, street talk, and deadpan humor. Being in the same room with Parokya ni Edgar is an alternate experience between frustration and hilarity. Most of the time you’re trying to figure out the punch line, and when you do figure it out, you realize that you’re the punch line.

Parokya ni Edgar is fond of inside jokes so much that they have publicized it. Nobody knew what "Khankhungkherrnitz" or "Buruguduystunstugudunstuy" meant before the band used them to christen their first two albums. Most of their songs are chockfull of hidden meanings, most of them aimed at rousing the ire of the Censors Board. Their new album "Bigotilyo" is a PG-13 trip into remade classics (Hagibis’ Katawan and Yano’s Banal na Aso, Santong Kabayo are dealt tongue-in-cheek treatments), dark humor, and intentionally cheesy lyrics. Like their past offerings, this album is devilishly irreverent, an impression that the Parokya boys have mastered; an impression they have no plans of changing just to kiss ass.

Forget the choreographed dance moves, gelled back hair, snazzy clothing, fitted shirts, or hoop-laden ears that characterize pop culture’s choicest boy bands. Parokya ni Edgar has never been conscious of protecting any reputation or living up to any image. As far as they’re concerned, they’re still those boys back in high school jamming in-between classes, putting together words into a semblance of a song that pokes fun at everything from the class bully to friendship to the male genitalia. "Simple lang kami," asserts vocalist Chito Miranda. "What you see is what you get." Or if you’re brave enough to rise to the challenge, "what you see is what you can get."

YStyle: How long have you guys known each other?

Chito: We’ve known each other practically our whole lives, ever since we were six years old…We’ve been barkada since grade five… grade two.

Buwi: High school kami todo nagsama… (It was) also in high school when the band started.

Were you already "Parokya ni Edgar" when you started out?

Chito: Yes. We’ve been together for almost ten years now.

Did you expect everything to last for that long?

Chito: No, we expected it to last for a couple of months and look at us now. We’ve been together for ten years and we’re still at it.

Vinci: Hindi namin napansin…

Do you guys ever get tired of each other?

Vinci: Yes! Always.

Buwi: There comes a time…

Chtio: Pag walang tugtog, hindi na kami nagsasama kasi we want to spend time with our loved ones.

Buwi: When we get together again, we always look forward to that special time to see each other.

Chito: Enjoy naman sila kasama. Enjoy ako kapag kasama sila.

Who’s the bad influence in the group?

Vinci: Walang bad influence sa amin… we’re all good boys.

That’s pretty boring.

Gab: Buwi is a good girl, a good girl. (laughter from the entire group)

Vinci: We live uneventful lives.

Buwi: We live normal lives.

Chito: Toned down kami. Hindi kami todo sex, drugs, rock and roll.

Really?

Buwi: We try just a little bit of everything, although mas masaya ang wholesome.

So you guys never go out and get drunk?

Chito: Kapag tumutugtog kami, kailangan umiinom kami.

You mean you guys play drunk?

Darius: That’s the best way to play.

Chito: Confidence mo iba…pero nagdadasal muna kami before we play.

What do you pray? The "Our Father"?

Buwi: Our own prayers.

Vinci: It’s different per gig.

Chito: Para lang lumakas ang loob and lumakas ang adrenaline.

Aside from the beer?

Chito: Aside from the beer.

Vinci: No, more than the beer.

Chito: Pampatanggal lang ng kaba and to inspire…we need alcohol and God.

In that order?

Chito: No God first. Pag-nagdadasal kami, hindi pa kami lasing.

Vinci: We get drunk onstage.

So you guys drink while playing?

Vinci: Yup, dapat may beer sa stage. Kahit bawal sa club.

What do you guys drink?

Darius: I like wine.

Chito: It’s part of our contract. Every time we play, dapat may beer sa stage…We can’t play kung walang beer or yosi.

Dindin: And God.

Chito: Pero walang club na nagbabawal magdasal so it was never an issue.

Who epitomizes Mr. Suave (their new album’s carrier single is a retro—inspired song called Mr. Suave)?

Buwi: Epitomizes?

Vinci: Oh no it’s another four—syllable word.

Gab: Five!

Buwi:I think Vinci is the perfect Mr. Suave.

Why?

Buwi: Look at the beard!

Vinci: I can get anything with my beard… I’ll just show my beard and I’ll get anything that I want – with my beard.

Darius: Beard?

Vinci: Beard? Don’t touch my beard.

So Mr. Suave has to have facial hair?

Buwi: No…Vic Sotto is suave.

Chito: Vic Sotto…Mr. Suave ’yan! Dolphy…

Buwi: Yung hindi pilit…

Darius: Richard Merck…

Gab: Si Erap!

How do you define "suave"?

Buwi: Someone who’s smooth with ladies.

Chito: Kahit sobrang na—cocornihan na ang lahat sa kanya, he still feels he gets all the ladies.

Do you think you’re celebrities?

Gab: No. Outside of the band, we try to be as normal as possible. We don’t look for attention.

Chito: Mas gusto namin low-profile.

Vinci: Ya, we’re just normal guys with a band.

Do you have band groupies?

Chito: Ya pero parang barkada rin namin sila so hindi namin stina-style. Darius does sometimes…

Gab: Ya, they’ve become our friends. The line between being friend and fan has been blurred.

Vinci: They come even to our provincial tours so they’ve become our friends.

Are these girls?

Gab: Some girls, one boy…sometimes even families follow us around.

Buwi: Nakakatawa!

Who do you guys idolize?

Vinci: I idolize Chito. My name is Vinci. There can be only one Chito.

Chito: Maybe Dolphy…But in the music scene, the Eraserheads. I really patterned my life on how they became who they are.

Gab: Idol ko si Gary V. He’s my idol and inspiration.

Buwi: I like Joey Ayala and his sister Cynthia Alexander; and Chuck Cross from Mutiny.

Darius: Ako si Rick Mercado, the session guitarist on noontime shows. He plays for Vic Sotto, Aiza Seguerra, on ASAP.

Dindin: Idol ko si God.

How much of what you guys say is true?

Buwi: Four hundred pesos (laughter). Honestly what we say is true. People just think we joke a lot.

Do you guys have a reputation for being jokers?

Chito: Not really jokers, They just know that we don’t care. For example, they ask how the band started and we don’t really give the real story. Wala naman kami pakialam kung anong alam nila kung paano kami nagsimula.

What’s the true story? How did you guys really start out?

Buwi: So you wanna hear our true story?

Chito: We were in high school – we were already jamming by then – they asked us to do a number for the intermission of this speech contest. Sabi namin na "Parokya ni Edgar" kami. That’s how it started. Sometimes, linalagyan lang namin ng kulay ’yung kuwento so no one really knows how we really started, and we don’t really care.

Vinci: Yeah because that’s not the point.

Chito: And there are some people who just care about our music. Wala na silang pakialam kung sino addict, o sino bading – pero meron.

Who?

Chito: Tago na lang natin sa pangalan na…No we’re just kidding. It’s like that. We try to say a lot of things but they’re not really true.

So you guys are jokers?

Buwi: No we are liars.

Chito: It just wasn’t important what people thought of us.

Vinci: It never mattered to us.

What was the worst gig you ever had?

Chito: In La Salle. Walang pumunta kahit isa.

Vinci: That was about two years ago.

Chito: The organizers were even selling us tickets. Hindi nila alam kami na ang "Parokya."

Dindin: It was the first day of class after Christmas break so I guess they weren’t able to promote the event.

Would you rather play for a huge crowd or an intimate gathering?

Vinci: Either is good.

Chito: Favorite ko ’yung extremes. Either really big venues, or the smallest club or bar where you play 30 songs for two hours straight and you just stop singing kasi sobrang lasing ka na.

Vinci: Ya and we pay more for our drinks than what they pay us.

What was the biggest crowd you’ve ever played for?

Vinci: Think it was the one at the Wembley stadium…

Buwi: In Zamboanga…It was a crowd of twenty thousand.

Vinci: We had to cut our gig short kasi nagkagulo because they enjoyed it so much.

Chito: When they couldn’t control the crowd anymore, they put the venue into a blackout then we were each taken away by the military.

Vinci: Ya, hindi na tayo nagkita. We just saw each other after thirty minutes.

You’re not bullshitting again, are you?

Vinci: No, we’re not. This happened about five years ago…

Buwi: Ang daming nanood talaga. People were even climbing up trees and roofs.

Would you consider yourselves a "boy band"?

Vinci: Yeah. We are boys and we are in a band.

Chito: I think a boy band cares more about their packaging. They have members named "Kevin" or "Peter." We’re more "combo" than a boy band. Wala kami pakialam sa packaging and image. We’re not like those boy bands that think that they’re supposed to be every girl’s fantasy.

You don’t think you inspire fantasies?

Gab: No, we’re here for the music… tugtugan lang talaga.

Do you want to grow old together?

Vinci: Uh…yuck!

Chito: Sana magkawatak—watak na kami so we can each grow as an individual.

Dindin: I hope I can find new friends.

Darius: Na—maintain ’yung childishness namin.

Do you guys have plans of going beyond the local music scene?

Vinci: No. We’re already happy with what we have…We’re very easy to please

Chito: Ya. We don’t even want a major concert. Masaya na kami sa ganito…Simple lang.

Do you consider yourselves rock stars?

Buwi: No we are "musikers."

What image are you trying to project?

Vinci: The "no image" image.

Chito: We want people to understand that we don’t care about our image. Music has nothing to do with image.

Gab: We don’t want to be labelled. Once you get labelled, people begin to expect so many things from you.

Outside of Parokya what do you guys do?

Chito: I handle the artistic side of the business. I do album covers, production, editing. I also produce for other bands and I work with production companies.

Dindin: I’m a house-band. My wife works during the day and I work at night so we only see each other for a short time during the day.

Chito: I’m still studying Marketing in the Philippine School beside Ateneo. Kung walang banda, I go to the office and play darts… No, really, if I’m not doing anything for a stretch, I work for my family’s promotional agency.

Buwi: We have an office in Loyola Heights and I help set up audio and video. Sometimes I help take care of bills. I also have dogs that I take care of. We also have a clinic in Quezon that helps women with breast cancer. It’s a place where they can go for support, or to be educated on how to deal with their sickness. I go there and help out once in a while.

Gab: I stay home and help with chores. I’m also planning a wedding so I’m pretty busy with that.

Darius: I try as much as possible to spend time with my family…I also collect vintage toys like robots and action figures like Daimos, He-Man, DC and Marvel superheroes.

Do you still have inhibitions when it comes to each other?

Gab: No more.

Vinci: We’re too close for that.

Chito: We don’t think twice about what we say to each other.

If you guys weren’t in Parokya…

Chito: We’d all be very poor, except for Vinci because he’s very rich.

Vinci: We’d be living normal lives but I think we’d still be friends in one way or another.