I’m 23 years old and I recently resigned from my previous job because I've started to have a crush on my boss. He’s single and brilliant. His voice is deep and very masculine and heavens, he smells so good! He’s almost 10 years older than me and seems to be a commitment phobe since he isn’t in a steady relationship yet after he broke up with his ex a year ago. I really, really like him but all we have is a light exchange of sweet jokes about each other. I don’t know if it means anything, but I just couldn’t help but be won over. I didn’t really quit my old job solely for this reason, but I considered it as one of the minor factors which influenced my decision. Do you think there’s a spark of hope for me or should I just forget about him and move on, which is impossible to do at the moment since I’m not attracted to anyone else as seriously as I am with him. Do you think it’s OK if I give him clear hints that I would like him to be my boyfriend now that I’m out of the company? If so, how do I do that? – Mara
"Single, brilliant, deep and masculine voice, smells so good!" Really? You have a crush on him? I never would have noticed! If you were still working with him it would be trickier, but now that you’re no longer with the company, the problems of mixing work and pleasure are no longer a factor (although I am glad he wasn’t your sole reason for leaving the company).
You seem to think there are a couple of other problems that need tackling, so let’s take a look at those. Firstly, you mention the age difference of almost 10 years. I’m not sure if you think this is a problem or not, as a 23-year-old girl dating a 32-year-old guy is not really out of the ordinary these days (remember that girls often mature faster than guys anyway), so I wouldn’t let that trouble you too much unless he looks and acts really old next to you (you don’t want anyone thinking he’s your dad).
Next, you talk about him being afraid of commitment, as he hasn’t had a girlfriend in a year or so. Don’t you think this is a bit judgmental? Just because a guy is single doesn’t necessarily make him afraid to commit. Maybe he just needed some time to get over his past relationship before he could truthfully open up to a new one. Or maybe he just hasn’t felt that he’s met the right girl yet. Perhaps he’s just concentrating on work at the moment and doesn’t think he has the time to invest in a successful relationship. Being single doesn’t mean he’s afraid of or doesn’t want a relationship at some time. Of course on the flip side, there is always the possibility that you’re right in your assumption and he cringes at the thought of being in a serious relationship. He may not even know the true answer to that one.
OK, so his problems maybe aren’t as serious as you thought they were (unless you’re right about the commitment thing). Now you have to deal with your problems. Is there a spark of hope for you? Unless he was directly related to you or he somehow found you repulsive to even talk to, then yes, there is always a glimmer of a chance. How much of a chance remains to be seen. Put it this way, if you just give up now then you definitely have zero chance. Any other option has to be at least better than that (pretty sure zero is as low as you can get in the chance department nowadays).
Not only that, but wouldn’t you just be kicking yourself for not finding out if you didn’t go for it? He would always be in the back of your mind until you knew for sure. Not only could this get distracting, but it would also mean that you could be ignoring a lot of other potential guys out there because you’re too pre-occupied with your unresolved feelings for your ex-boss. Who knows? One of those guys you give the cold shoulder to today could be your one true love in the long run if only you’d given him the chance.
So, should you give him hints that you want him to be your boyfriend? Well, that could be a bit presumptuous on your part. Maybe you can keep in touch with him through text and see how he responds. If he seems fairly friendly and flirty, maybe you could ask if he wants to meet for coffee or something one lunchtime or after work to catch up. That, at least, is fairly non-threatening and it’s quite easy for him to say yes or make some excuse instead of saying no. If he agrees to meet you then just play it by ear. If he can’t seem to find the time or isn’t that responsive, then maybe he was just being friendly in the office and you should forget about him and move on.
Remember, boyfriends and relationships don’t just happen at the clap of your hands. You need to get to know someone pretty well before reaching that stage. Just because this guy is cute and smells nice doesn’t necessarily mean he’s the right one for you and vice versa. If he gives you the chance, then get to know him a bit better first and then if you both like each other you can think about progressing past the crush stage. – Marc
I’ve been going to the gym for more than a year now. I’ve been attending classes, lifting a few weights... the works. My problem is that I somehow lost weight but my waistline seemed to have been stagnant.
I just want to ask you how can I lose that "belly" bulge without losing too much weight elsewhere. – Gym Buff
Some people are just naturally thick-waisted, and no matter how low their bodyfat count is, they’ll still be wearing the same size of pants. Some bodybuilders have pretty big bellies even though they have amazingly well-defined abs. It’s possible that you’re naturally thick-waisted, in which case it may be virtually impossible for you to shrink down to a 26-inch waist (the lowest mine ever gets is 30-31).
Of course, the more likely possibility is that you’re still carrying too much fat. Sure, you may have lost it in other places, but why hasn’t it disappeared from your midsection? The reason for this is that your body usually loses fat in the reverse order that it puts it on. Sound confusing? Let me explain. Remember back to when you were thinner (come on, it wasn’t that long ago – I hope). When you started to put on weight for the first time, where in your body was it more noticeable? I’m guessing it was your belly. Then after a while, you also started noticing extra weight being put on in places like your butt, chest, face and arms, right? Well, once you start losing weight, you’ll notice your arms getting thinner first, then your face, chest, butt and last of all, your belly.
This anatomical order isn’t necessarily the same for everyone, but the general rule usually is. Also, you can’t spot-reduce any part of your body. Doing lots of crunches will make your abs a lot stronger, but it isn’t going to make them more noticeable under a thick layer of fat.
So how do you reduce your waistline? Assuming it is some extra fat you’re carrying there, then just keep going to the gym and adjust your diet to cut down on your fat and carbs, particularly in the evening. This should help drop those few extra pounds.
"But what about the rest of my body wasting away in the meantime," I hear you say. Well, that’s where that extra time in the gym lifting weights is going to help you. Just because you’re losing fat doesn’t mean you can’t be gaining muscle at the same time. Lift fairly heavy and get enough protein after your workout and you’ll soon notice that although you may be the same weight (little difference in the weight of fat and muscle), you’ll look and feel remarkably better. Good luck! – Marc