Does a mother have the right to read private letters?

Dear Mai Mai, China and Tingting,

Hi! To get straight to the point, I am gay and have a BF. We’re both of legal age. Earlier this month, I wrote a letter to my boyfriend to enumerate some of my bad feelings about our relationship. Unfortunately, his mother read this letter and this got my boyfriend very angry. Apparently, his mother cried and was really upset. Was his mother’s intrusion of his personal property my fault? Isn’t there a law against this? Please help me. — LEGAL

Obviously, your boyfriend’s mother had no idea about her son’s sexual preferences and this must be a real shock for her. Now that the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, you must expect your relationship with your boyfriend to worsen as he tries to mend his relationship with his mother. If your boyfriend continues to blame you, drop him. You can’t let him blame you for what he is. While there must be a law about intrusion or trespassing, I don’t know if this will solve your problem. — Mai Mai

I am not a lawyer and I am not sure if there is some law on this. However, even if there is such a law, I don’t think you’d want to take that road. There is nothing much you can do here except wait for your boyfriend to stand up for you. If he doesn’t, then maybe he is not ready for such a relationship. This will open up your options to searching for a new love. — China

I am sorry that to this day, there is some discrimination against homosexuals. But you know, mothers have this concept of "ideal" sons and as a mother, I ask for your understanding. The mother of your BF is shocked by her discovery that her son is different from the "normal." As they say, curiosity does kill a cat. She may not be able to accept it now, but it is the duty of her son to explain it to her. Eventually, mothers usually accept their children for who they are. You just have to wait for things to cool down. — Tingting

* * * Sis-In-Law Rivalry

Dear Mai Mai, China and Tingting,

Hi! I’m Misha, 20 years old. I always read your column and I want to ask for advice. My sister-in-law and I have a gap. We were friends before she made up some stories about me. I know I’m not perfect, but I think she’s a backstabber. She wants to be the center of attention and spreads nonsense talk about me, or my friends, or my neighbors, etc. What’s the best thing to do? Your advice will be of great help. — Misha

In psychology, wanting to be the center of attention is a manifestation of reaching out or a mechanism for coping. Either way, it is up to you to understand your sister-in-law because you know her better. You can avoid her so that your dislike for her won’t escalate, but since she is a relative, you do have to find a way to fix this gap. You can talk to her yourself to clear things up and start anew or you can ask someone to bridge this gap for you...another relative perhaps. The important thing is that family should stick together and communication is one of the most potent tools. — Mai Mai

This may be just one misunderstanding communication can fix. Why don’t you talk to her and calmly ask her about her backstabbing you. Don’t be confrontational. Flying tempers will not help. You can also talk to your brother...the one she’s married to. Tell him about your problem and how it has affected you. Unfortunately, she is now family and you have to adjust to each other to live harmoniously. — China

Because she is your sister-in-law, you don’t have a choice but to, at least, try to tolerate her and be civil. It’s nice if you can have a social relationship but since you don‘t seem to like her, just deal with her in the most decent way possible. I don’t know if you live in the same house but if you do, greeting her when you meet shows good manners. You can’t snub each other because other family relationships might be affected and this gap might turn into a full-blown feud. If you don’t lie with her, lucky you, less effort is needed. Give her respect but steer clear of her when you can. — Tingting

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