To flirt or not to flirt ...
August 12, 2002 | 12:00am
That is not the question; rather, it’s a natural human predilection. But if it’s a question of how your magistrates would plead just in case somebody out there sues anyone of us for Unsolicited Flirtatious Behavior (UFB)  ahem, ahem  we plead in confident, courtroom baritone, "Not Guilty!," your honors.
You see, as self-appointed prophets of the proprieties and proclivities that pepper pop culture, we always get to witness every artistic expression of sexual tension from behind the bar and across the bench where most mortals sit, listen and learn. We’d like to fashion ourselves as the Enlightened Ones empowered to judge and decree from a safer distance the do’s and don’ts in gender relations with the wicked satisfaction of comedians who are taken oh-so seriously because we happen to be attorneys.
Many times, we breach the Court’s Rated P.G. classification and risk being tagged as risque, or stir up a scene and scandalize those with virgin ears ("Like, say, Us?"). Yet, we are ever conscious about our right against self-incrimination and avoid committing acts which may constitute seduction, sexual harassment, or unjust vexation.
That is why the courtroom expectedly erupted in pandemonium when Honey, during a court session, suddenly threw the book at Argee  including the shelf and the filing cabinet  to the applause and wild cheers of all the females seated in the gallery. Argee’s offense: he stared at Honey for no more than three seconds, flipped his pomade-cemented hair and wet his lips with his tongue.
Unfortunately, at that precise moment, Honey felt that there was undue intrusion into her feminine sensibilities, that she was reduced to a commodity, that she was treated with discourtesy and that she qualifies as a victim of UFB. Some girls, however, have morbid fantasies and incredible delusions. Or Honey was simply experiencing PMS.
To set the record straight, Argee never flirts with any girl above 25 years old ("An implied admission of D.O.M.-onic tendencies, I suppose..."  Honey) and was just scratching his head wondering why a fly was doing the rounds of her ear lobe, a tidbit of thought which triggered in his subconscious a sudden craving for crispy tenga and a thirst for ice-cold beer.
Notwithstanding this, UFB (or flirting in general)  is not a crime in this jurisdiction and is, in fact, a healthy exercise in breaking many barriers in gender relations. Argee considers it his talent while the more conservative among the menfolk consider it to be an art form. After all, flirting, motivated by good sense and good faith, can be a wellspring for romantic liaisons in a world full of killjoy prudes and humorless strangers.
But everything depends on its execution. Every flirt seeks to get a corresponding reaction from stimuli he or she transmits. Bear in mind that it’s about sending the right signal to the right receiver in as little syllables and gestures as possible, ever conscious of the fact that the flirter and flirtee are pretty much like textmates. It’s either MESSAGE SENT or MESSAGE SENDING FAILED. Nothing short of building your own cell site can help you make your signals count so work up on the wit and hawk your humor to a willing partner  ever the willing partner.
Reap the rewards of repartee, remember rhetoric and cut down on the cheese. Nobody gives a hoot about the dainty details of your uneventful childhood or about the drudgeries of your daily existence. Flirt like a butterfly and sting like a subtle bee. There is grace and glory in thinking on your feet and saying a short story in just a few sentences. Spice up the moment with sweet yet sensual suggestions that can spark spontaneous combustion.
While you’re at it, nothing is lost by communicating through the international language of body language. Look straight in the eye and speak with the impassioned gesticulation of a politician running for re-election. But never lose poise and milk every rule from the "Good Manners and Right Conduct" right down to its last provision. Limit physical contact to beso-beso and a caring arm around your partner. Do not squeeze, bear hug or stick out your tongue because the flirtee is neither a stuffed toy nor a Polar bear nor a sticky lollipop.
After all, things can scale straight from tender to terrifying, and the far-out fantasies of getting the keys to his/her condo unit could become an all-too familiar jail sentence on charges of sexual harassment. The general rule is: keep the conversation swinging at eye-level and at the tip of your tongue and any accompanying physical contact at your intended victim’s fingertips.
Flirting does not necessarily involve marketing your anatomy through a muscle short or a skimpy ultramini. Neither does it require clever innuendoes with the sole objective of articulating your emotions horizontally. Playful human interaction need not be malicious. Flirting is best appreciated if it is both fun and clean.
Subtlety is thus supreme to experience the ultimate satisfaction in flirting. After all, it lies in what can be imagined from those which remain hidden and unspoken, in what can be seen from what is invisible to the eye  like the simple joy of finding rhyme and reason from poets who conceal as much as they reveal.
Alas, the simply joys of flirting come from provoking the thoughts of the witting victim who consents to do a strip tease of his or her own defense mechanisms.
You see, as self-appointed prophets of the proprieties and proclivities that pepper pop culture, we always get to witness every artistic expression of sexual tension from behind the bar and across the bench where most mortals sit, listen and learn. We’d like to fashion ourselves as the Enlightened Ones empowered to judge and decree from a safer distance the do’s and don’ts in gender relations with the wicked satisfaction of comedians who are taken oh-so seriously because we happen to be attorneys.
Many times, we breach the Court’s Rated P.G. classification and risk being tagged as risque, or stir up a scene and scandalize those with virgin ears ("Like, say, Us?"). Yet, we are ever conscious about our right against self-incrimination and avoid committing acts which may constitute seduction, sexual harassment, or unjust vexation.
That is why the courtroom expectedly erupted in pandemonium when Honey, during a court session, suddenly threw the book at Argee  including the shelf and the filing cabinet  to the applause and wild cheers of all the females seated in the gallery. Argee’s offense: he stared at Honey for no more than three seconds, flipped his pomade-cemented hair and wet his lips with his tongue.
Unfortunately, at that precise moment, Honey felt that there was undue intrusion into her feminine sensibilities, that she was reduced to a commodity, that she was treated with discourtesy and that she qualifies as a victim of UFB. Some girls, however, have morbid fantasies and incredible delusions. Or Honey was simply experiencing PMS.
To set the record straight, Argee never flirts with any girl above 25 years old ("An implied admission of D.O.M.-onic tendencies, I suppose..."  Honey) and was just scratching his head wondering why a fly was doing the rounds of her ear lobe, a tidbit of thought which triggered in his subconscious a sudden craving for crispy tenga and a thirst for ice-cold beer.
Notwithstanding this, UFB (or flirting in general)  is not a crime in this jurisdiction and is, in fact, a healthy exercise in breaking many barriers in gender relations. Argee considers it his talent while the more conservative among the menfolk consider it to be an art form. After all, flirting, motivated by good sense and good faith, can be a wellspring for romantic liaisons in a world full of killjoy prudes and humorless strangers.
But everything depends on its execution. Every flirt seeks to get a corresponding reaction from stimuli he or she transmits. Bear in mind that it’s about sending the right signal to the right receiver in as little syllables and gestures as possible, ever conscious of the fact that the flirter and flirtee are pretty much like textmates. It’s either MESSAGE SENT or MESSAGE SENDING FAILED. Nothing short of building your own cell site can help you make your signals count so work up on the wit and hawk your humor to a willing partner  ever the willing partner.
Reap the rewards of repartee, remember rhetoric and cut down on the cheese. Nobody gives a hoot about the dainty details of your uneventful childhood or about the drudgeries of your daily existence. Flirt like a butterfly and sting like a subtle bee. There is grace and glory in thinking on your feet and saying a short story in just a few sentences. Spice up the moment with sweet yet sensual suggestions that can spark spontaneous combustion.
While you’re at it, nothing is lost by communicating through the international language of body language. Look straight in the eye and speak with the impassioned gesticulation of a politician running for re-election. But never lose poise and milk every rule from the "Good Manners and Right Conduct" right down to its last provision. Limit physical contact to beso-beso and a caring arm around your partner. Do not squeeze, bear hug or stick out your tongue because the flirtee is neither a stuffed toy nor a Polar bear nor a sticky lollipop.
After all, things can scale straight from tender to terrifying, and the far-out fantasies of getting the keys to his/her condo unit could become an all-too familiar jail sentence on charges of sexual harassment. The general rule is: keep the conversation swinging at eye-level and at the tip of your tongue and any accompanying physical contact at your intended victim’s fingertips.
Flirting does not necessarily involve marketing your anatomy through a muscle short or a skimpy ultramini. Neither does it require clever innuendoes with the sole objective of articulating your emotions horizontally. Playful human interaction need not be malicious. Flirting is best appreciated if it is both fun and clean.
Subtlety is thus supreme to experience the ultimate satisfaction in flirting. After all, it lies in what can be imagined from those which remain hidden and unspoken, in what can be seen from what is invisible to the eye  like the simple joy of finding rhyme and reason from poets who conceal as much as they reveal.
Alas, the simply joys of flirting come from provoking the thoughts of the witting victim who consents to do a strip tease of his or her own defense mechanisms.
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