Political Sabit

Much to your magistrates’ surprise, the recently concluded Political Summit — which brought together the country’s leaders, bureaucrats and politicians under one roof to discuss ways to improve the people’s plight (yes dearies, yours and ours) did not end with the end of the world or with half the Philippine population dying of laughter.

Instead, it ended with a lot of speeches and new promises which the Court of Last Retort grudgingly adjudged as mildly credible, even inspiring to the common tao were it not for the many doubting Thomases who could not prevent themselves from comparing the summit’s output to steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between. But presto, it still climaxed with a Manifesto that the people generally agreed with and the politicians agreed not to disagree with.

Heck, let’s welcome its beneficial after-effects, if any. Never in our colorful political history had Filipinos heard bantering boleros sound and seem like they were sincere and honest as they struggled to say what they mean and mean what they say (Say what?) without complaining that they were misquoted a good 24 months before the elections. Even Ripley won’t believe it.

Somehow, we must thank our anointed leaders for acknowledging the fact that the Reality Divide exists between the politics they claim to practice is not the same politics that Juan Dela Cruz suffers from in between elections. At the very least, the summit was used as a grandstand for people to find out what politicians stand for and not for the politicians to find out what people will fall for.

But more significant to us was how our much-maligned creatures finally declared themselves born-again democrats by swearing to have listened to that teeny weenie voice called conscience and by proclaiming in public that from now on, they will follow the advice, probably for the first time in their lives, of a total stranger. But stranger, surreal things have happened in these parts of the planet and we have all learned to survive with the politics of it all.

Aphorisms aside, such musings about politics echo a familiar anecdote and bring to mind a humorously enlightening conversation be tween father and son that animates the absurdity within the body polity here in the Philippines:

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?

Father: Sure son, what’s the question?

Son: What is politics?

Father: Well, let’s take our home as an example. I am the wage earner so let’s call me Management. Your mother is the administrator of the money so let’s call her Government. We take care of your needs so let’s call you the People. We’ll call the maid the Working Class and your baby brother we will call the Future.

Son: I’m not really sure what you mean dad and I’ll have to think about it.

That night, awakened by his baby brother’s crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents’ room and found his mother sound asleep. He then went to the maid’s room where, peeking through the key hole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy’s knocking went totally unheard by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to bed.

The next morning:

Son: Dad, now I think I understand politics

Father: That’s great son, explain it to me in your own words.

Son: Well Dad, while Management is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of sh*t!

The Court’s verdict on the matter of the Political Summit: Political jokes in this country get elected but laughter remains to be the best medicine apart from the pill of people power.

* * * Enlightening Jokes On Politicians

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.

Q: How many presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Less and less all the time.

Q: How many believable, competent, "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Who need’s a lightbulb? We all live in the Dark Ages, remember?

Q: How many presidential campaign staff does it need to change a light bulb?

A: Two-hundred twenty! One to write a speech about how good it will be when the bulb is actually changed, one to write a speech about why the other candidates can’t even spell "lightbulb," 18 to find out what the other candidates did when the lightbulb failed, and another two hundred to find out what the other candidate’s families think about lightbulbs, bulbs, pear-shaped objects, light in general, any form of energy.

Q: How many senators does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One to sponsor the bill and 13 to constitute a quorum.