Unfortunately, with all the things we have to deal with, we always find something to complain about. Whether it’s food we’re eating, friends, money, or even traffic, we’re never completely happy.
That’s why whenever I see happy people, I try to guess what their secret is. "Maybe you’re in love!" I tell them jokingly. When they shake their heads, I desperately rack my brain for any reason. Maybe they won a new car or maybe they had a good breakfast. Maybe they just woke up on the right side of the bed. Whatever the reason, I’d love to apply it to my life so that going through life might be a lot more fun.
When I first browsed through Andrew Matthews’ book Being Happy a couple of years ago, I was skeptical. Could this person really know what happiness is? Was he truly a happy person himself? Besides, what could he tell me about being a happy teen? He wasn’t my age; what did he know?
Recently, I found that Matthews, the author who had also written the motivational book Follow Your Heart, had released a new book called Being a Happy Teenager. I was surprised to see it and after thinking about it, I remained doubtful that he could tell me how to be a happy teenager.
Luckily, I got the chance to meet Andrew Matthews last week when he visited the Philippines to launch his newest book and to hold a special conference in Greenbelt. After getting to know him, I found out that he really knows a lot about happiness without being showy or pretentious about it.
He wrote his book Being Happy in 1988 when he was in his mid-20s. He wanted to try and explain why others were happy and others weren’t. "I started piecing together patterns and came up with philosophies," he says. "Being Happy is a collection of those philosophies and strategies." He says he also wrote the book for average people. "Not just for executives who go to conferences on personal development, but people like students, mothers and teachers." His books are bestsellers all over the world and have been translated in more than 20 languages.
Andrew Matthews isn’t only an author. He’s also an international motivational speaker who has spoken to various audiences – from maximum security prisons to luxury cruises. He has spoken at corporations like Coca-Cola, Hewlett-Packard, Shell and McDonald’s.
After talking to him about his ideas and a bit about his life, I learned that happiness wasn’t such a hard concept to grasp at all! Here are a few things I learned from Andrew Matthews.
• Happiness is not accidental.
"Happiness is natural when you’re a baby," explains Matthews. "Two-month-old babies naturally learn how to smile. But as time passes they also learn how to get upset." He says that everyone has problems and being happy isn’t like influenza, which you suddenly get. When something happens to you, you choose if you want to be happy or not. "Am I going to look for the good thing?" he challenges. Happiness is just a daily decision we all have to make.
• Cartoons can help change your life.
Matthews’ books are interesting not just because of his ideas, but also because of the humorous illustrations that he himself draws. He also draws cartoons while giving conferences. What’s with the cartoons? "Cartooning was something I enjoyed," he says. "But I also studied classical drawing." Before you think that it’s been a snap for him to procure characters and drawings, remember that he studied traditional painting. "It’s a lot of work," he admits. The work paid off, though. "People like them. They see the cartoons first. It’s like the honey that draws them in," says Matthews.
• Sometimes, old news is good news.
Have you ever gotten tired of hearing old clichés over and over again when you have problems? Well, don’t hold your hands over your ears yet. Matthews says that they can be good advice. "There are a few people who, although they seem to agree with what I say, think that it’s not new. I agree, but I think the best stuff isn’t new. Sometimes we just have to be reminded of them." Now he looks back to when he started writing and remembers thinking, "Why didn’t anyone ever tell me this?" If he had had a copy of his book when he was a teen, he shares, "I would have worked harder, done better in sports. If something goes
wrong, I’d tell myself I’d better pay attention. I’d understand that it’s my decision to get upset or not."
• Don’t wait for others to be your friend.
Besides Being Happy, Matthews also has a book called Making Friends. "The biggest misconception about making friends is that people wait for others to make the first move," he reveals. "We keep thinking, call me, give me a gift, but it’s best not to wait." He also encourages us to be a friend to as many people as possible. "We should not be judging other people. You never know who could be your true friends in the end."
• Be unattached.
In another one of his books, called Follow Your Heart, Matthews tells that most people never give themselves permission to do what they really want to do. He encourages us to fulfill our dreams and find time to do whatever we want to do. If we keep ourselves attached to our busy schedule, we will never do what we really want. "It’s not the world’s fault that we can’t do what we want. Unless we change, weíll never be able to do them."
• Study your algebra.
Matthews has been talking in high schools for 12 years. Since the release of Being Happy, he has been able to talk and learn from teenagers. His advice to them? "Give your best effort in everything!" Although teenagers complain a lot about school, he says that this is where you find out what you like and what you don’t. So why should you study things like algebra? "It’s like mental gymnastics," he says. "For example, if you’re a runner, you probably lift weights, but you’re not training to be a weight lifter. You just do it to be a better runner." Does this mean that he liked studying algebra? Maybe not. In Being a Happy Teenager, he said that he used to draw during his Math classes because he found them difficult.
• Teenagers can be happy.
Was Matthews a happy teenager? "Broadly so," he laughs. "I was a tiny teenager. I was a foot shorter than every other girl. Every time I fell in love, the girl would say "Come back when you’re taller!" How about teens these days? According to him, teenagers are happy to a degree but are also dealing with tough issues every day. "Teens are under a lot more pressure," he states. Not only with their families, but also academically. "I’ve been to Asian countries like Hong Kong and Singapore and the pressure is really great. I’ve seen kids power coating at the age of four!" He tells teens to talk to their families, because it makes
it easier to deal with life. "You need to have your parents listen to you," he stresses. He also encourages teens to try all kinds of things. "Life is not a spectator sport! Get involved!"
• Happiness is your decision.
Matthews stresses that happiness is a decision – more importantly, your decision. "There are actually some people who aren’t ready to be happy." He believes you shouldn’t force people to be happy, but wait until they want to be happy. Sometimes when something bad happens to you and you get upset, even though you know you shouldn’t be you stay that way for a while just because you feel like it. According to him, that’s okay. Even happy people get bad days. "The best way to describe a happy person is someone who can’t wait to get out of bed," declares Matthews. "He’s also probably glad to be alive." He adds that happy people try to attain the goals they’ve chosen. "I feel that we’re happiest when we hope to make the world a better place." Matthews says that he can’t see himself doing something other that writing books and giving talks for a long time. "I think it’s my path in life. I’ve been getting feedback that people have found my books useful. They were able to relate, see themselves, and get confidence." That’s how he measures his work – if people are able to use his books. "I think that writing is my way of making the world a better place."