It's the little things that matter: Parenting Lessons from my 87-year old grandfather
My family on my mom’s side celebrated my grandfather’s 87th birthday last night. It was a fun, chaotic evening with the adults enjoying the Vietnamese fare we ordered (in memory of my grandfather’s 13 years in Vietnam, where he worked as a communications engineer-of-sorts) and the great grandkids “wreaking havoc” / playing noisily and excitedly together.
I’ve always had good memories of Ama, which is what we call our grandfather. My siblings and I grew up in Brunei and would always relish the times we would come home to the Philippines for vacation. We’d usually stay at my maternal grandparents’ home in Malolos, Bulacan, and I have fond memories of Ama and Ina (my maternal grandmother, who is now already in heaven, God bless her soul) being so accommodating and caring to us, their grandkids.
On our way home from Ama’s birthday dinner, I asked a few of my Titos and Titas what parenting lessons they had gleaned, if ever, from their father.
You see, Ama, according to my mom and Titas, was not a very “involved” father – in the words of my Tita Sally, he practiced “macho parenting,” i.e. where the father doesn’t seem to be as emotionally and practically involved as the mother. As mentioned earlier, Ama spent 13 years in Vietnam and another three years in Iran, working hard to support his family, composed of a loving, dedicated wife and eight growing children. Despite being away for so long, Ama still managed to impact the lives of his children (and, in doing so, he’s impacted our lives as well - his grandchildren and great grandchildren).
My Tita Pat says she remembers that Ama was frugal and careful with money even when they were still very young, and she and her siblings learned to be the same with their own finances. Despite being so tough, Tita Sally said, he never hesitated to extend help to those who needed it, and a lot of my mom’s extended family members were blessed by his and Ina’s generosity and kindness.
My mom, on the other hand, fondly recalls how she and her siblings would meet Ama whenever he would come home from his overseas trips, and he would hug them and carry them on his shoulders. Tito Boyet, one of her younger siblings, remembers how Ama lovingly hugged him and swung him in the air until he was dizzy, after coming home from Iran. He was only about a year old at that time, yet to this day, he still remembers how he felt on that particular occasion.
I was quite moved (and amused!) by all the memories my mom and her siblings shared with me. It made me think about my own role as a parent – and I realized one very important thing:
WWhen it comes to being a parent, it’s the little things that matter.
And they’ll be forever grateful to you for all of these.
Happy, happy 87th birthday again, dearest Ama! We love you!
