Almost eleven years and counting! (plus 10 tips for married couples)

Last Saturday, my husband and I celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary.  Prior to getting married, we were together as boyfriend and girlfriend for almost five years. (It was a rather rough ride though, with most of those years spent in a long-distance relationship, as we were both missionaries for our Catholic youth community back then.)

Celebrating our sixth wedding anniversary over coffee (well, hot chocolate for him!) and cake

A lot of people who know us now don’t know that we didn’t get together under the best of circumstances – you see, it was a rather whirlwind romance for us, and many people, including our families, leaders and mentors in our youth community, did not approve so much of our getting together so quickly. (On hindsight, we know they reacted that way only because they love us and wanted us to be very careful and discerning before making any major decisions!)

This is Anthony and me a few days BEFORE we became boyfriend and girlfriend. Hehe!

Most people also don’t know that during our relationship, we almost broke up A LOT of times, and at one point, I even considered becoming a nun! We also went through many “periods of darkness” (though I don’t want to elaborate on that here – maybe I’ll confess up on my personal blog sometime, tee hee!).

Now that we’re married with two beautiful kids though, and, thank God, quite happy with where we are, I look back and can only say that it is truly by God’s grace that we’re together.

Our latest family photo – January 8, 2012

Also, being part of a Catholic community for couples has been a wonderful blessing for us – we’re able to receive support, guidance and advice from other married couples. Having spent the first five years of our married and family life on mission in Timor Leste has also helped strengthen our marriage, and has affirmed us of our important role as parents.

We also learn a lot about how to keep our marriage alive and “on fire” from relevant books, magazines and online articles. One such article published on FamilyMinute.com, entitled “10 Marriage Secrets,” gives ten tips for maintaining a healthy, “joyful, triumphant” marriage. I’d like to share them with you here:

Secret #1: Dream a Dream. If you want your marriage to grow and to be its best, you and your husband need to create a vision for it and your life together. 

Secret #2: Get Tough. Marriage takes a lot of work, and a couple must be willing to fully commit to making the marriage strong. 

Secret #3: Maximize the Trust Factor. Learn how to be truthful and trustworthy for your husband, and how to trust him in return. 

Secret #4: Get Healthy. Marriages have a much greater chance of being successful if both people are emotionally healthy. If one or both of you have personal issues or an unhealthy self-concept, consider seeing a counselor. 

Secret #5: Work on Chemistry. Keep the romance strong in your marriage. Discover the reasons you fell in love with each other and build on those. 

Secret #6: Learn to Talk. Communication is invaluable in a strong marriage. Take the time to learn good communication skills and use them in your relationship. 

Secret #7: Work it Through. Even in the best marriages, conflict will happen. The key to getting through the tough times is to learn the skills of conflict resolution and to come up with a strategy in your marriage. 

Secret #8: Negotiate a Mutually Satisfying Sexual Relationship. Both you and your husband need to be willing to work on this aspect of your relationship. Dr. Warren makes several recommendations, including buying a book on marital sex, seeking counseling if needed and improving communication. 

Secret #9: Get Connected. Although children can be a drain on a marriage relationship, they can also be the source of joy if their role is viewed correctly. 

Secret #10: Pursue Spirituality. Spiritual intimacy in marriage is another great step toward marital fulfillment.

(Note: These “secrets” are taken from the book, Learning to Live With the Love of Your Life... And Loving It! by Dr. Neil Clark Warren.)

Here’s to all of us married couples putting these secrets into practice – for more blessed, beautiful, bountiful years of wedded bliss!