Why you shouldn't say 'You Shouldn't Wear That'
There are a few occasions where it’s perfectly acceptable for people to tell you what to wear. But outside of weddings, diplomatic functions or work-related occasions, I can’t stand it when people say, “You shouldn’t wear that.”
I’ve been guilty of saying it several times myself, but I became aware of how wrong this was when I accidentally saw an episode of “Fashion Police”. For those who aren’t familiar, Fashion Police is a 30-minute show where Joan Rivers, Kelly Osbourne, Guiliana Rancic and George Kotsiopoulos sit around and comment on celebrity fashion. And by “comment”, I mean “make fun of celebrities who don’t fit into their largely undefined criteria of what’s stylish and what isn’t.” Ten minutes into the show, I was filled with righteous indignation. Who died and gave these people the authority to declare what celebrities should and shouldn’t wear? They need to STFU, stat.
You see, the act of telling someone what they should do is a loaded action that carries many implications. First, it implies that the person is doing something wrong, and isn’t smart enough to figure it out for himself or herself. Then it implies that you’re superior because you were able to draw these conclusions and make this judgment, and the other person was not. Saying that a woman “shouldn’t” mix metals or “shouldn’t” wear that deconstructed vest is a way of saying that you know better and you know what stylistic choices are best for that person.
But the reality is that the people whose clothes we often judge are often total strangers. We have little to no insight on their personality, tastes or resources. Nobody died and made us the fashion police. None of us have the right to pass judgment on what people should or shouldn’t wear.
The worst part about stylistic should’s or shouldn’ts is that they stifle creativity and make women too afraid to take fashion risks. These judgments reinforce the idea that there is an absolute right or wrong when it comes to style. Anyone who dresses the “wrong” way is considered “unfashionable”, and anyone who is “unfashionable” is subject to ridicule.
But guess what? Despite what magazines and TV shows might tell you, there is no right or wrong way to dress. While most fashion advice aims to achieve an aesthetically pleasing and socially accepted appearance, that doesn’t mean that these stylistic choices are superior to others. Style isn’t about being a slave to your body shape or arbitrary trends. Style is about dressing to meet your needs, whether it’s the need to be comfortable or the need to express yourself on your own terms.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion about other people’s appearances, but saying this out loud is rarely ever helpful. So instead of saying, “She shouldn’t be wearing that,” perhaps we should pause to ask ourselves, “Why not?”
