Dealing with the terrible twos

Terrible twos. Tantrum twos. Totally terrifying twos. Parents and books have talked about this particular age that I found myself bracing for it when my son was nearing his second birthday. Is it really that terrifying? Is it really that terrible? I’m finding out for myself now that yes, it can get pretty upsetting. I’m also discovering that it’s not that bad for as long as you stand your ground. It’s not that easy, but you are the grown-up. Here’s what I’ve learned so far in the past few months of being in the land of Terrible Twoville:

Out-stubborn your toddler. You think your toddler is hard-headed? There’s one more person who should be even more hard-headed than he is – you. My two-year-old loves playing with water. It’s great when he needs to wash his grubby hands. I can soap away the dirt from his fingernails to my heart’s content. However, he tends to overstay his welcome at the faucet. When I finally tear him away from the sink, he’ll throw his freshly bathed toys on the floor and follow suit. Germs and grubbiness, we meet again. He’d fight his way back to the bathroom but I’d stand guard. He’ll pull on the door handle, insisting his way in. No friggin’ way, my eyes would say. He’d throw himself on the floor again, rolling around in frustration.

During the first few times he did this, I gave in. FINE! What’s two more minutes? At least I can wash his dirty hands AGAIN. Then I decided to be more firm. Well, you guessed it. The firmer I was, the more upset he became. The good thing is that after a few tries, he’d get the idea. He’d push his luck once in awhile but already knows that when I’m standing guard by the bathroom door, he stands no chance at getting in.

This being more stubborn than your toddler thing is exhausting. It makes good discipline for the little one though. That’s the priority after all.

Perfect the art of distraction. Toddlers are easily distracted. I was watching my son play with his toys this morning and had a good laugh at how playful, and easily distracted, he was with his playthings. This must have been what was going through in his mind as he went around the room: There’s a gorilla in the book! Where did I put my toy monkey? Oh here it is in the toy box. Look Mommy, I can put the monkey through the basketball hoop! I can hang my Doc Hudson car on the net too! Is that a ball? I can kick it under the dining table Mommy! It’s Ninang!!! So that’s where my belly button went. It’s fascinating.

Distraction helps when he’s particularly focused on one thing he shouldn’t be playing with but desires, no, HUNGERS to play with. Like pushing buttons on electric fans. Grabbing cell phones. Banging his toys on glass windows. Banging his toys on glass doors. The more he senses my hesitance and growing ire, the more he’d push his luck. You don’t know how many “Noooooo’s!” have filled the house. All said by Mommy. So now I’m trying to play along with his ability to get distracted.

Electric fan? Look baby, I have a ball! See how far I can kick it? Glass doors? Mommy’s on the other side! Peekaboo!

I haven’t looked into baby books if the distraction I’m doing is psychologically right. I must be doing something right though otherwise he’d have his fingers stuck in the electric fan and we’d end up with broken doors.

Support his independence. Toddlers are developing their independence and have no qualms asserting it. I want to do it by myself! Me only! My toddler wants to go down two flights of stairs by himself and cross the street by himself. That’s craziness for this paranoid Mommy. What’s key is not to limit, but support. “Yes, you can go down the stairs but hold my hand.” “Yes, we can cross the street to get to the playground but you must hold my hand always. Or be carried.”

When it comes to meals, toddlers are very messy eaters. He insists on holding his spoon by himself, which I don’t mind at all. I’ve just learned not to mind the mess either. It comes with him learning how to be independent during mealtimes. If he insists on washing his hands on his own, that’s fine with me. “Yes, you can wash your hands on your own but only till Mommy counts to ten.” If no limits are set, we’re back to out-stubborning the toddler. (See first point.)

The boy has only been two years old for two months now but we’ve had quite our share of tantrums. I’m guessing there will be more in various styles (stomping feet, screaming matches), but I’ll come prepared. My weapons are a bottomless pit of patience and the firm Mommy voice I pull out as needed. Terrible Twoville isn’t that bad. I think this will be a walk in the park compared to Teen Angstville! I’ll get back to you in ten years on that one.

Photo: “Angry Face” by Tom Carmony, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved