Hey Mom, don't be so hard on yourself!

Room clutter. Picky eating. “Don’t do this!” says one study. “No, do that!” advises a relative. A mother’s day can get really overwhelming. No matter how nurturing we want to be, we don’t always have everything under our control. The lack of control makes us feel hopeless, and then we begin to feel bad for ourselves.

Stop yourself right there. I’m not a veteran Mom, having only two years of motherhood experience to back this up, but I believe that we Moms shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves. We Moms tend to be our own worst critics. Many times I’ve wanted to kick myself in the shins when my toddler refuses his carrots or when he insists on using crayons on the floor.

I’m beginning to learn to take it in stride. Motherhood isn’t easy, but it doesn’t have to be disheartening. With a change in perspective and a belief that all will turn out fine, you Mommy, will be just fine. Trust me, you’ll be just fine.

Don’t beat yourself up over that picky eater. My toddler has days when he’ll eat nothing but raisins and yogurt. Other days he’ll wolf down bowls of rice and vegetables. These days he’s on a buttered toast and yogurt kick for breakfast, lunch and dinner. His picky eating drove me crazy before, and it still does sometimes. What helped was learning that kids between one and three years old “peck and poke at their food.” They’re busy little bees, aiming to explore as much as they can and beginning to learn that they can exercise their independence during meals. After getting assurance from friends that this was normal, I heaved a sigh of relief. Raisins today, kangkong tomorrow.

Let the clutter go. There’s a bunch of toys on the bedroom floor, plus a spread of toy cars on the bed. Towards the mid-afternoon, my head usually begins to ache at the mess the kid has created. One afternoon, I was packing up his toys when the toddler approached me. He wanted to play cars. I looked at the toy hamper beckoning me to put the room in order, and the eager eyes of my son. There was no struggle there  – I let go of the clutter, sat on the floor with him and vroom-vroomed away. Let’s face it: When you’ve got a child in the house, there will always be clutter. You can clean it up when the baby’s asleep or when you’ve rested enough. Give yourself a break.

It’s okay for Mommy to cry. There are days when motherhood gets too emotional for me. I lock myself in the bathroom and let the waterworks do their thing. It’s not that I’m mad at the world or resenting others. I just need to release all the stress! Maybe it’s sports for some moms or cooking or even cleaning. My outlet is crying. It’s been happening less these days, but when I had a newborn it happened quite often. I just want you to know that if you feel like you need to let the tears out, it’s perfectly fine especially if you’re a new mom.

Tune in to TV together. “Don’t go beyond 15 minutes of viewing time!” “Don’t let him watch commercials because they can give him ADHD!” “Don’t let him watch TV while eating!” Guilty, guilty, guilty. We’ve sat through “Kung Fu Panda” together so we could get some rest time from running around all morning. We’ve watched a number of commercials. We do watch TV while eating. Does that make me a bad Mom? In my opinion, it doesn’t. I choose the shows he watches. No fighting, no guns, no violence, no sex. He eats more when Team Umizumi or Yo Gabba Gabba are on. I have a picky eater, remember? If Bot and DJ Lance entertaining him makes him eat more of his vegetables, I’m all for it. You, Mom, know best what the TV limitations are.  

There are many things that will make us mothers feel incompetent, overwhelmed and stressed out. It can be easy to get lost in all that. There will be times when you will get caught up in it a huge vortex of self-doubt but remember this: Don’t be so hard on yourself. Chill. Relax. You have your own style. You have your own way of raising your kid. You’re his Mom. You know what’s good for him, when too much is too much, when just right is just right.  

You also know that tomorrow he could be eating his carrots, or that later on he’ll be tidying up with you. Later on you’ll be crying less, and maybe doing crafts together from what you learned on a TV art show. Maybe later you’ll be on the floor creating crayon masterpieces with him too. After all, all it takes is a little soap and water to make the floor look like new again. So take it easy, Mom. Don’t beat yourself up. You’ll be fine. You’ll be just fine.