Good Morning, Vietnam

If my trip to Hanoi were a movie, it would have to be Good Morning, Vietnam (Directed by Barry Levinson and which starred Robin Williams). Set at the height of the Vietnam war (1956-1975), Williams, who plays a stand-up comic, treats the war like it were material for comedy. In one scene, his jeep breaks down in the jungle and he starts using one-liners on the trees.

Our first stop was Ho Chi Minh City (via PAL), or what used to be Saigon. We stayed two hours to catch a connecting flight to Hanoi (via Vietnam Airlines), the capital of the Socialist Republic of Vietnam. Most tourists on a short visit find Hanoi charming. After all, it has been called Paris of the Orient. Like Paris, the city has great respect for coffee and French pastries. It even has an area called French Quarter famous for – what else – very old French architecture.

We arrived at Noi Bai airport, Hanoi at 2 p.m. (3 p.m. Manila time) and were met by our very patient and knowledgeable tour guide Pham Van Hoan of Saigon Tourist (558 Phan Chu Trinh St., Hanoi, tel. no. (84-4) 825-09-23). We went straight to the city which was a 45-minute super-smooth ride by car. Along the way, we marveled at the brick houses, crossed the famous Red River, passed farmers on bicycles carrying produce and worried about this whole family (father, mother, brother and sister) going for a ride on a motorcycle.

We knew we were in Hanoi when we entered scooter city. Hondas, driven by both men and women, wove in and out of traffic. The men wore long-sleeved shirts and knit pants. The women were a bit more fashionable, some wore clogs. The Hondas were not noisy like the tricycles in Manila. So in spite of their vast number, the atmosphere was not palengke, it was like Paris in a ’50s movie.

We stayed at the Fortuna Hotel (6B Lang Ha St., Ba Dinh District, tel. no. (84-4) 831-33-33) which is near the Old Quarter, where you can find anything from fine silk to intricately carved gravestones, and pretty Hoan Kiem Lake. We were given 30 minutes to freshen up and then we were off to our first tourist spot – the Temple of Literature or Van Mieu. Vietnam’s first university was established here in 1076. It is very old and very traditional.

To liven us up, Hoan, our accommodating tour guide, brought us to Pho Hang Bong and Pho Hang Gai, streets of endless shops selling an array of souvenirs. Then we were off for dinner of spring rolls, kangkong, tofu, beef teriyaki and fried rice. Except for the spring rolls, it was like dining in a Chinese restaurant.

We had an early night because we had to get up early for a three-hour road trip to famous Halong Bay. Considered one of the natural marvels of Vietnam, Halong Bay has 3,000 islands, most of which are islets of interesting limestone formations. In 1994, Halong Bay was designated a Unesco World Heritage Site.

On the way to Halong City, we passed by Red Star Village, where the handicapped make handicrafts. We couldn’t resist the prices, we bought hand-embroidered paintings of rustic Vietnam scenes ($4 to $10), potpourri pouches ($1 to $3) and beaded bags ($5 to $10).

We reached the harbor at lunch and quickly boarded a boat. What about lunch? I wailed. Surprise-surprise! We were going to have lunch on a slow boat around the bay. We had steamed crab, calamari, spinach, spring rolls, rice and an unforgettable soup of lotus seeds, mushroom and ground pork which was really good for an empty stomach. We also tried Halida, a Vietnamese brand beer.

Hoan, our informative guide, told us that we can book a medium-sized boat (which seats 12 to 20 people) for $5 to $10 an hour. There are some boats you can sleep over, but they cost more. Each boat has a kitchen, so you can pre-order lunch or you can buy from boats which would sidle up beside your boat and sell you fresh fish, fruits or vegetables, and have them cooked.

After lunch, we chatted over soda and beer. I sat at the front of the boat (the port side?), stared at the grey-green water, and wished I didn’t have to go back to the STAR. There was a light breeze and I looked at the limestone formations and I swear, I saw a dragon. It could have been my editor, who I hear, can read thoughts.

After a few hours of cruising, we arrived at an island with caves. We climbed what seemed like endless steps and reached a cave whose interiors were lit up by red, blue, and green lights. It even had a fountain near the exit. It was the most civilized cave I had seen.

Back on land, we stayed at the Heritage Hotel, which was so new, it was actually nice. We had dinner out and went straight to bed.

The following day, we went back to Hanoi and stopped by a Chinaware factory outlet where I bought a tea cup which looked like a bird. Just before we reached our hotel, we stopped by Mai’s Shop (96 Le Van Huu St., tel. no. (84-4) 822-77-51) where I bought my weight in espresso coffee beans. Mai’s Shop "roasts and grinds its coffee beans by a know-how handed through the family with French tastes and technique." I also bought a Vietnamese drip coffee maker for $1.

When we reached the hotel, we freshened up and got ready for the opening ceremonies of the Hanoi Festival, held at Sofitel Metropole Hotel. This was an important festival, where they had much singing, dancing and playing of Vietnamese instruments. After two hours of this, I turned to a complete stranger, smiled and begged him to shoot me. Fortunately, he only spoke Vietnamese and smiled back.

The following day was scheduled for any activity our hearts’ desired. Pete Dacuycuy, who, to this day, I have not quite figured out if he was there as an organizer, or a pain, wanted to visit Ho Chi Minh’s Mausoleum. Honorable Ho is in a glass coffin like Mao and Marcos so visitors can pay their respects or gawk, depending if you’re fan or tourist.

I told Pete that according to a guidebook, the mausoleum is closed from September to December while Ho Chi Minh’s embalmed corpse undergoes maintenance work. "Why don’t we just drive around the lake, or go shopping, or take a language course?" I suggested.

"If you want to do that, you can take a taxi," Pete said. "We’re taking the van."

Fine.

The following morning, I was up bright and early and dressed like a typical Vietnamese – long-sleeved shirt, pants, body bag, Nikes and Nikon. I hailed a motorcycle taxi. This is a motorcycle, where you ride seated behind the driver. There’s no meter and you bargain before you get on the bike. What I did was I wrote down where I wanted to go, or pointed to the place on my map. Then I wrote down how much I wanted to pay the driver. Usually it’s 15,000 dong or about 50 cents.

The ride was exhilarating. It was the most fun I had on the trip. Hanoi is not polluted like Manila and motorbikes rule the streets, not jeeps or buses. For a whole morning, I felt what it was like to live in Hanoi.

I had Vietnamese coffee and French pastries at Kinh Do Café (252 Pho Hang Bong), all for $1 and it’s better than Starbucks. I watched an entire family eat rice vermicelli and beef soup on low tables and chairs. I bought Ho Chi Minh posters, Vietnamese flags, and Hanoi pins from this little shop run by a woman who can’t speak a word of English. I marveled at the slender Vietnamese girls wearing conical hats carrying baskets of flowers or vegetables, some in shirts and pants and a few in traditional ao dais (national dress).

I hailed another motorcycle taxi and went to the Old Quarter. I took pictures of the sights like the flower market or a stack of earthenware coffins, while I precariously held onto the driver’s shoulders. When we reached Pho Hang Gai, I couldn’t resist the shops so I said, "Dung lai (stop)!"

In this very touristy area, everyone tries to sell you something and won’t leave you alone until you buy. I sat on the stairs of the Water Puppet Theater, trying to catch my breath when vendors paraded one after the other, selling me hats, T-shirts, Xeroxed guide books. I finally bought a Xeroxed Vietnamese phrasebook which I quickly put to good use.

"Khong," I said to the next vendor. " Khong!" This means "no" in Vietnamese.

One vendor dared to correct me, "It’s ‘khong, cam on ban.’ This means, ‘No, thank you.’ Just ‘khong‘ is impolite," he said.

So tell me, what’s Vietnamese for "Get lost"?