Stuck in Christmas traffic with, like, so many thoughts

There are very few differences between thumbing through your Facebook news feed and inching through EDSA traffic this Christmas season. They both gobble up time, they are both repetitive, and they both bombard us with ads. To top it all off, Christmas traffic and our local Internet service providers both follow the same god of sluggishness. But don’t we all just fall prey to traffic and social media like flies fly to sticky paper? We get glued to them because secretly, we like that slow degrade to the grave.

But we don’t go down without a fight. Like flies buzzing and struggling to get loose from that film of deodorized rugby, we diss traffic and the cars surrounding us, we make noise online and offline, and ask why the heck are we in this rut? And as we traverse EDSA this Christmas, we ask a million other things to entertain us, to keep us awake as we go down the lonely road to “happiness and success.”

Like, why is Dawn Zulueta still working it in her latest billboard ad for Marie France? Why, not how, is she still working when she should just be off somewhere basking in her perfection?

Will I still be working at her age? Will I still have a job tomorrow?

Decisions, Decisions

As we inch through traffic, I guess the question that hounds us the most is: If I parked my car somewhere (like in Centris or in TriNoma) lined up for an hour in the mile-long lines for the MRT, and rode that piece of junk which has a top speed of 40 kilometers per hour, will I get to work sooner or will it just take the same amount of time? Will the saved minutes be worth it o sayang lang ba ligo ko? Will our President and Secretary Abaya really have themselves run over by the train this 2016 as the President had promised?

Also, why do people wait for the last minute to do their Christmas shopping? Are Christmas sales for real? Because the goods seem to still cost the same. Do clothing companies inflate their prices before a sale so their discounts are cancelled out? Do they sell clothes that would look good on me and my added Christmas weight?

When will I buy my Christmas presents? What will I buy? From which mall will I buy them? Do I buy my boss a present or not? I might look sipsip. Then again, do I even have a choice? Ah, rabid capitalism, consumerism, and the illusion of choice.

Reminds me of the Star Wars franchise. Why is it so effective? No billboards on EDSA and yet, so very infectious? It’s not even sci-fi, but an action/superhero film set in a galaxy far, far away, but why the craze? And why, for all their technological advances, do their holographic transmissions still blur and static and get cut? Is it telling of our future with Smart, Globe, Sun, and Talk ‘N Text? Is The Force a poor service provider?

“Styrosnow! Styrosnow! We believe in styrosnow. Styrosnow! Styrosnow! We love to play in styrosnow. The winter isn’t coming because there isn’t one. And all that falls on Christmas day are the warm rays of the sun.” “Styrosnow,” from the Eraserheads’ Christmas album, Fruitcake, plays on my radio.

Why are the APEC lane barriers still on EDSA? Are these the new Christmas lanes? Why do people still take EDSA these days? Hindi pa ba laos ang EDSA-EDSA na ‘yan? Uso ngayon, sampalan. Or since that is “too girly” for Mar, sapakan. Oha. I wonder if any of them have heard of the classy glove slap.

I guess side by side our MRT and traffic woes is the question: Who will win between Mar and Digong in a fist fight? Yesterday morning, it was the topic on a morning radio show. They even did a tale of the tape, comparing height, reach, age, etc. Next question is, perhaps, will Kenny Bayless referee? Then, who will fight in the undercard? Will Pacquiao make a cameo?

Political Animals

But my question is why was Mar Roxas at Wharton in 1979, in the thick of Martial Law, and not sparring with the Marcos administration? And that Duterte guy, why is he so quick to challenge a duel? Why didn’t he ask his researchers first if Mar was really from Wharton or not, then make the accusation? Why do people think this guy would make good decisions — offer swift justice — when he can’t even do his research right? Oops, I shot the wrong guy — hanggang do’n na lang ba? Or does he have practice in slapping people when they torture criminals in Davao?

And where’s Miriam? Why is Binay still in the running?

Will Dawn Zulueta be bundat this Christmas? And is she running for office?

Maybe the reason why it’s so traffic so early in the morning is because Simbang Gabi wakes people up early. And they pray for easier lives, hence, for a while, they get to escape traffic. But somehow they all still converge on EDSA. “Ano hinihintay mo, Pasko?” seems like the right question to ask.

Why are our emotions magnified during Christmas? Why does being happy feel “joyful” during Christmas, and why does being sad feel “depressing” during Christmas? What’s up with this season? It's hot.

“It’s the season for being happy. But the reason is dead and gone. If the reason for being happy takes a back seat when the season’s gone, just take a bite. It’s alright… Everybody everywhere, people do you really care? Christmas-time is once again around… Miracles are falling down from heaven. But it’s nowhere near our town,” Fruitcake by the Eraserheads continues to play on my car radio.

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