Trends of the week
Apple continues cycle of infinite desire with iPhone 6
MANILA, Philippines - The wait for the new iPhone is finally over, as Apple unveiled its newest iteration of the groundbreaking smart phone this week. Now we can start counting down to its inevitable obsolescence and the release of iPhone 7.
Billy Crawford is sorry, not sorry
After his odd run-in with police officers that allegedly involved broken glass doors, shoving of female cops, and voluntary surrender for an unspecified crime, Billy Crawford apologized, saying that it was his fault but that he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he did within the same amazing statement. He was allegedly drunk, which is a disappointing explanation, because performance art would’ve been an awesome excuse. Not a good one, per se, but at least a hundred times more entertaining.
New dance craze alert: the “Shmoney Dance”
Rapper Bobby Shmurda’s Shmoney Dance is finally gaining steam on the Internet, months after he debuted the hip-strutting, elbow-waving dance move in the songs Shmoney Dance and Hot Nigga. National Football League (NFL) players have apparently been dying all year for the season to start so they could finally incorporate the dance in their touchdown celebrations. Now it’s gone viral after NFL’s week 1 and it looks destined for the inevitable Filipino appropriation, which means we may be weeks away from a video of a politician doing the Shmoney Dance. You have been warned, everyone who has eyes and Internet connection.
William and Kate’s unborn child becomes the world’s most hated fetus
When Buckingham Palace announced Kate Middleton’s pregnancy this week, the world was all like, “Awww… we could sure use some happy news after all the awfulness happening around the world.” A few days later, the Internet somehow morphed this into: “Who cares if she’s pregnant again? Why should this be more important than Syria and ISIS?” It’s quite unfair for the poor kid who’s not even an actual kid yet to be dragged into this weird era in which no other kind of information deserves to exist. Let’s just chill, people. You can still read all about the world’s accelerating descent into abject moral decay. No innocent embryo will ever hide that from the media.
