Which dynasty do you belong to?

MANILA, Philippines -Philippine history will show that dynasties ain’t just fancy clothes and actual legacies. Some of our country’s famous families have their fair share of intrigue, mayhem, assault, and even bloodshed. So here’s a handy guide to determine which of these dynasties your spirit belongs to, just in case you’re not sharing genetic material with them… yet (well, you can always marry into the family).

1. It’s Oscar season! Your favorite prestige film is:

a. Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa. Fun times!

b. The Wolf of Wall Street. Because it’s so, like, macho.

c. The Lord of the Rings. One mayor to rule them all. (What? That was in 2003?? Heto, invitation sa presinto.)

d. Toy Story. Toy trucks rule!!

e. August: Osage County. “Eat your f*cking fish, tita!!!”

f. Blue Jasmine. Because Cate Blanchett was so yaman!! We’re so, like, kindred spirits! Kaso she kept repeating the same blazer and Hermes bag. Yuck.

2. Twitter is for:

a. Being witty.

b. Making pa-impress sa chicks

c. No good. It is an instrument for cyberbullying (*passes cyberbullying bill*)

d. Toy trucks?

e. Making away people!

f. I don’t tweet. Because Twitter leads to temptation. And temptation leads me to breaking my vow of celibacy.

3. Your ultimate videoke pick is:

a. I Started a Joke

b. Mey Wey

c. Everybody Wants to Rule The World

d. Ice Cream Truck!!

e. We Are Sisters

f. Ang Ganda Ko

4. Why did the chicken cross the road?

a. Nasa kabilang side yung biyenan nya.

b. May riot! My bros need help beating that douche to death. And by “bros” I mean everyone except BB. (‘Cuz you’re my sis hehehehehe)

c. Di daw pwede mag-exit dun after 10 p.m.

d. Because he saw a toy truck!

e. Sisirain daw nya career ni Julia.

f. To get an STD test. Loljk he’s celibate!

5. Your favorite hashtag(s) to use for selfies is:

a. #MLIA #rilesthug4lyf

b. #bros #swag

c. #likeaboss

d. #truckin’

e. #ganda #beauty #akolangmaganda #notyouclaudine #laoska #panget #jkwearecysts #butno

f. #GGSS #trustedcelebendorser #winning #blessed #bimby #josh #family #topgrosser

6. For you, Yes magazine is:

a. A good venue for my fans to know the other side of my family.

b. Pang-FHM lang kami. And StarStudio.

c. A showbiz rag. We only read The Economist, Bloomberg Businessweek, Fortune, and The Art of War.

d. Is this a truck magazine?

e. This magazine is full of poison and lies!!!

f. A good venue to showcase my wealth to the world. 26K, buksan na!!

7. Live TV means:

a. Improv skillz #blessed

b. Lip-syncing

c. Another public appearance to dispute the rumors that are being spread to smear our good name. (*puts on funda*)

d. Filibustering! And showing my truckload of... trucks.

e. Clearing up another lie spread by another member of the family.

f. Proclaiming I have STD! #blessed

8. Family time! Your favorite board game to play is:

a. Twister

b. Battleship

c. Monopoly hehehehehe *wink*

d. Does Tonka count? Or Hot Wheels!

e. Snakes and Ladders. Ahas kayong lahat!!

f. Is The Buzz considered a board game?

9. “Ohana” means family. “Family” means…

a. Sharing a great laugh. But still not forgetting to be there for each other. #RilesCommandments

b. Starring in a movie with the entire clan — except for a chosen few. Di pa sila ready—for manliness!

c. Covering each other’s mistakes. Because we protect our city and our family. Emphasis on our city.

d. Sharing toy trucks!

e. Nobody gets left behind. Except you Tita Gretch. LOL

f. Kapamilya…deal or no deal!

10. In 2014, you promise to:

a. Spread joy and love. Nothing but good vibes!

b. Ibang (insert your name here) po ang makikita nyo.

c. Obey traffic rules.

d. Show more truckloads of stuff! Aww yiss!

e. Make sampa more kaso to my family. Fun!

f. Spread The Gospel of Celibacy. #blessed

Mostly A’s — You belong to the funniest dynasty in show business, The Quizons. You may have had your fair share of controversies, but your patriarch, the late Dolphy, is a shining emblem of a respected patriarch and a loving family man.

Mostly B’s — You belong to the most macho of Pinoy dynasties, The Padillias. You’re a tightly knit clan who uphold the virtues of manliness (exhibits A and B: Robin and Daniel). Even BB Gandanghari has balls for staying true to what she believes in. Nese inye ne eng lehet.

Mostly C’s — You belong to one of the toughest (but apparently also loved by the masa) political dynasties, The Binays. You have a bright future ahead of you (at least by 2016), but there are obstacles along the way, like gated villages and social media.

Mostly D’s — You belong to one of the biggest showbiz and political dynasties, The Revillas. By “biggest,” we mean there are so many of you there had to be a museum about your entire extended family. Your lolo is one virile dude. There may be more new relatives popping up every reunion. And, oh, you like toy trucks.

Mostly E’s — You belong to probably the most controversial dynasty of show business, The Barrettos. You like physically assaulting journalists, spreading lies against each other, and suing each other. You make every dysfunctional family seem exemplary.

Mostly F’s — You belong to the brightest — and not because the color yellow is associated with y’all — dynasty of the Philippines, The Aquinos. But based on this quiz, it’s mostly just Kris Aquino. Come on, everything has to be about Kris. She has to be on TV every day (or in public) or she will spontaneously combust.