Page 11 of 365

MANILA, Philippines - Fresh years tend to inspire a considerable amount of escapism. A good example would be the Twitter trend “Page x of 365 (days)” which persevered through the first quarter of last year, and thankfully died out a couple of days into this one. I’m guessing it’s because people realized that that’s not how years pan out, no matter how stubbornly we try to stick to our well-meaning optimism. On a conceptual level, I think we get that it’s not possible to suddenly step into a whole new dimension — a brand-new “Page 1” — just because it’s January. Our hopes, attitudes, and New Year traditions, however, tell us otherwise. Suddenly a lot of our long-standing frustrations emerge in the form of positive resolutions, a.k.a. the dimension we wish to live in.

The smog of our emotional frenzy always takes much longer to settle than the literal haze that blankets the city, but eventually it does. We find that we’re still wracked with the same issues and still have to work with the same people. Our excitement to get back to the grind is drenched with the bucket of sweat that it takes to get on the MRT during rush hour. We still weep over the money we put into giving MMFF movies yet another chance. In the 21st century, traffic and daily life still have to give way to a certain statue that is supposed to solve the people’s problems. P-Noy is still refusing to hear out his well-meaning critics. That’s My Tomboy is still propagating the idea that lesbians want to become men. And even as a part of us wishes to forget the devastation in Tacloban, the polar vortex that is freezing the US is distantly taunting our fragile, post-Yolanda souls, reminding us that global warming is still making the rounds and has only temporarily left our shores for another’s. Page 11 of 365 (Suddenly, I have a clearer understanding of why this trend died out).

‘IT WILL BE DIFFERENT’

It can get tiring, all the fixing we subject ourselves to; the struggle to replace the status quo with how we want it to be; swearing it will be different this time around, but then having the old persist anyway, both in the world and in ourselves. Carrying out this New Year business often feels like a toss-up between delusional optimism and the dark comforts of cynicism. But does it really have to be that exhausting and so tensely invested?

Celebrations and breathtaking fireworks aside, all that is really asked of us is continuity. As the Twitterverse seems to have finally figured out, there is no Page 1 that is crafted from the velvety wings of angels. There is only wherever we left off, all the ways we would say it is flawed, and what we choose to do from there, moment to moment.

New Year isn’t so much a new wave of salvation as it is a simple reminder to keep working. And it’s in accepting where we are — because really, what else is there? — that we find ease in our dealings and pay attention to things we didn’t notice before. It’s in taking on all the “nega” stuff that we stand a chance of truly moving on. It’s in keeping our heads down, chipping away at the old, that we will one day wake up and realize that we’ve built something new. Perhaps instead of trying so hard to run off to somewhere else, we ought to try standing right here.

* * *

Tweet the author @catedeleon.