Dear Santa…

MANILA, Philippines - Dear Santa,

All my life, I’ve been led to believe that you are not real. It seems a rite of passage, us, mortals, all need to pass — to grow up and believe that you’re not real. But these days, there are also two mantras people live by (especially grown-ups):

1. You can never be too sure; and

2. Go where the money is.

So, yeah, being a full-fledged adult, I’m taking my chances, Mr. Claus.

Before I begin listing down my wishes, I’d like to thank you for the early Christmas presents — like the Miss International 2013 crown, for starters. I am glad that you’ve continued supporting the Filipino people, even if we are a chimney-less race. Rest assured that you are so well-loved by us that every Caucasian man who walks in Ermita reminds us of you and your kindness. And it’s true to some extent — especially for impoverished and innocent children, gold-diggers, and lovers of the American people (starting with the President himself).

Yes, Santa Claus, you are very real to us. While Coca-Cola may have “invented” you through billions of dollars worth of advertising, I believe that you are flesh and bone (and more flesh). I believe that you’re not just making a list and checking it twice, but that you are here with us every single day. You are materialistic instant gratification (and at times, Western imperialism) in the flesh.

So, as I’ve said, thank you for letting Filipina beauty stand out in the recent pageants. That gift was a long time coming. Year in, year out, that’s always been part of our wish lists. Finally, it happened in our generation.

But if I had it my way, I wouldn’t grant the same wish on the same year twice. Aside from the fact that twice as much ain’t twice as good, the joke gets old and we start to think twice about what those awards really mean. Yeah, they’re nice. Thank you. But… how come the Chinese never win those pageants?

On that note, thank you, too, for the Manny Pacquiao comeback to close the year. The win was nice, but the hullabaloo about taxes was a wet blanket. It wasn’t really a national issue — like hey, I think the amount of taxes you pay is a very private and personal matter; that’s someone’s salary for crying out loud! — but I guess we really needed to know how Pacquiao’s life is not a walk in the park. Truly, with great earnings come great taxes.

And, oh! That reminds me, thank you for the abolition of pork barrel. I guess we will be able to eat our Christmas hamon in peace, knowing that a congressman or Napoles somewhere isn’t pigging out on our taxes. But my beef lies in the trillions in the President’s disposal. I know he’s the President and all, but the DAP lives on the same unconstitutionalities the Supreme Court pointed out in the case of PDAF.  Now that Congress is penniless, the executive branch has horded all financial power (ergo, all power). And now, our country’s being run by a legitimized dictatorship.

And with the Romualdezes and the Marcoses as his sworn enemies, I wouldn’t be surprised if the President blows his top to defend the DAP. You know, hating your enemies so much turns you into someone exactly like them. And indeed, Noynoy has blown his top. The next part is to acquire the same evil and mischievous brilliance as Macoy — but I doubt our current President has half the mind to get there.

Speaking of government officials, thank you, Santa, for a not-so-new set of senators and local officials. May they prepare for the perils of climate change and the equally perilous rage of Mar Roxas. I guess we just have to understand that the DILG Secretary is an Araneta and a Roxas, educated abroad and has never been to the palengke since campaigning a decade ago (except maybe to drop off his Korina’s goods — rubber slippers).

Oh, and Santa, lest we forget! I hope you can drop off some much needed help in Tacloban. We, Filipinos, are a forgetful and forgiving people. See, I even started this letter by thanking you for Megan Young’s win when there are thousands dead and dying in Leyte. Silly me! It seems like the Christmas rush and this need to give and receive gifts have taken over my priorities.

Sincerely,

A middle class netizen

P.S. May you also send help to the people of Sabah. Since our President has labeled his own countrymen as terrorists, may you, oh immortal and understanding one, see beyond religious and cultural differences. May Rudolph’s nose light your way up to Kota Kinabalu.

P.P.S. I hope the toys you give to the kids this year aren’t made in China. Or in that case, the USA. I’d like to imagine elves — Thranduil, Arwen, or Legolas — making our toys and not any of those two warring giants.

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