The fashion of the Christ

It has become increasingly more challenging to watch something these days, be it a film or a TV show, without knowing almost every detail about it. Promo stills and trailers give away too much of the plot, and reviews — whether on your own social media feed or a third-party blog — taint your perspective. But sometimes knowing the story is far from seeing an interpretation of it, especially when it comes to extremely familiar material.

There are millions, if not billions, who take the Bible as literal truth and the onus to translate it into The Bible, a five-week, 10-hour History Channel miniseries, fell on Mark Burnett and Roma Downey. Initially, I found it a bit puzzling as to why Burnett — the British-born American producer of Survivor, The Voice and The Apprentice — and his Irish actress wife would dare venture into sacred territory, one that’s as far from Donald Trump-approved capitalism as you can get. As it turns out, the couple is quite religious: “I’ve loved Jesus all my life,” Downey recently told the Christian Post.

Variety reported that The Bible drew in 13.1 million viewers during its premiere two Sundays ago, making it “the most-watched entertainment program on cable.” Though I hardly consider myself staunchly Catholic, I can see the attraction.

Good intentions

First, the production is expensive-looking despite its relatively puny $22-million budget. To bring costs down, it was filmed in Morocco with an international cast of relative unknowns because they didn’t want to distract the audience with recognizable celebrities. Next, it stands out in its earnestness. With the exception of last year’s Hatfields & McCoys and this year’s Vikings, History is known chiefly for lowbrow fare such as Pawn Stars and Swamp People so airing something even mildly ambitious already warrants some attention. Last and most important, the show is — pun intended — a godsend to a devout portion of the audience that’s likely underserved by pop culture. Yes, the Scriptures also contain a degree of sex and violence, but at least those were on Jesus’ terms.

That said, despite the good intentions, on the whole The Bible feels like one humongous missed opportunity. For starters, beginning with a disclaimer (“This program is an adaptation of Bible stories that changed our world. It endeavors to stay true to the spirit of the book”) is never a good idea as it makes it appear like the producers are already apologizing for something they know they could’ve done better. In this case, it’s the fast-forward, greatest-hits approach that I find problematic. Key chapters are summarized by a voiceover narrator and titles reading “12 years later” and so on depict leaps in time, underscoring the absence of connective tissue and adding to the rushed mood. 

Hilarious characterizations

Of course, with such a pace, characterizations are either downright hilarious or excessively politically correct. A sword-wielding Asian angel-ninja — inserted in the first episode as both a racial token and a punchline — slays his enemies as one would in a McG movie; Sodom is a rather bland holiday destination filled with locals kissing, dancing and fire-eating.

But in general, I can’t get over how cheesy and cringe-inducing The Bible is compared to past interpretations. If Mark Burnett was to be believed, Noah — he who told the story of Creation to his children on the ark — was Scottish. And never has there been a screenplay in which the lines “God has spoken to me” and “God will provide” are uttered so often, perhaps to make sure that everyone realizes that what they’re viewing isn’t another book-to-whatever epic involving wizards, vampires, hunger or games. Subtle it is not.     

Narrower scope

The Bible’s creators could’ve picked up something from Cecil B. DeMille’s The Ten Commandments or even Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ. Both masterpieces wisely narrowed their scope and chose to focus on specific parts of the old book instead of tackling the entire thing. To give the ancient texts new attitude, they could’ve also made the miniseries allegorical. The Bible doesn’t need any more action or drama, but if it were up to me, I would’ve abstracted it by retelling it, say, in Latin America in the 1960s or in outer space in the distant future — anything to avoid the Western, postcard image of a Caucasian Christ. Imagine the possibilities.

In a blog entry for the Huffington Post, Mark Burnett and Roma Downey wrote that they wanted The Bible to “show how the Old Testament connects seamlessly to the New Testament. How they are one sweeping story with one grand, overriding message: God loves each one of us as if we were the only person in all the world to love.” I’m pretty sure that books from other religions articulate more or less the same thing and I look forward to the day someone somewhere — spurred on by the ratings success of The Bible — comes up with a cable TV docudrama called The Torah or The Quran.     

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