Your Supreme personal predictions for 2013

MANILA, Philippines - We’re not close, but we at Supreme are giving you your personal predictions for 2013 with only gut feel and maternal instinct as fortune-telling devices. Yeah, we’re sweet like that. Again, as our mentor Zenaids Seva always says these are just guides. You’re free to choose yoga class over zumba in January.

January

In the tradition of starting the year right, you will avail of a very pricey gym membership and/or vow to quit smoking. You will tweet about your Day 1 at zumba class or of no smoking with a passion, a la-“one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” Event ito.

February

If you’re single, February 4 will be a day of panic. That’s 10 days before Valentine’s Day. Oops, relax, don’t panic yet. January 5 pa lang.

March

On March 29, you will not need to set your cellphone on alarm. A blasting, butchered version of Gangnam Style with dancing konsehala — and mayor-wannabes will wake you up almost instantly. Sorry, hindi pwedeng i-snooze.

April

A national phenomenon in the form of a panic will strike the country come early April or as soon as beach season strikes. It will be known as the Balik-Alindog program. Also, those who availed of the pricey gym membership in January will find themselves panic-workouting. Day 5 pa lang nila since January.

May

A violet ink on the forefinger will be a fashion statement. In other news, the 1/16th Filipino lineage of an American Idol finalist will be gravely headlined locally. Internationally though, kebs.

June Uulan.

July

Guess what? Uulan pa rin.

August

Aforementioned 1/16th Filipino American Idol finalist will come to Manila and receive a hero’s welcome at NAIA. S/he will endorse a clothing brand, a fastfood chain with sweet-tasting spaghetti, a cellphone network with superduper unli call and text promo and quite possibly, a Cebu-based pawnshop. S/he will have a production number in ASAP and end it with a nakaka-Pinoy na “mahal ko keyow!” Alam na.

September

You will tweet about the start of the ber months. How predictable.

October

A sweet young actress will break up with a sweet young actor even before they make amin their relationship. She will guest on The Buzz with very little or no-makeup makeup, cry buckets, tell it all and vow never to speak about this issue again, Tito Boy.

November

Sweet young actor will guest on ASAP and will promote his new movie with another sweet young actress. Sweet young actress will rant on Twitter and make patol her detractors.

December

You will make the most of what’s left of your very pricey gym membership. Day 13 mo pa lang since April, FYI. You will lose 12 lbs. — only to gain it back on the 26th. You will win in your company party’s raffle. Desk fan. Brand-new naman.