6 vehicles you meet in traffic
MANILA, Philippines - It’s that time of the year when no side street, no alternate route — not even a “Mabuhay Christmas Lane” — can save you from the torment that is massive Metro Manila Yuletide traffic congestion.
To help you navigate this sh*t-storm, we've put together this guide for the trapped-in-traffic Manileño. Certain vehicles are like video game villains and power-ups. To get you home faster, here's a list of vehicles to avoid, overtake, and tailgate.
The chauffeur-driven luxury car
Also known as: The 4-door Mercedes Benz, BMW, Audi, etc.
These guys are in no rush. They’ve already made their riches. “Getting there fast” isn’t really a priority. Unless you want to daydream of someday owning one (with a chauffeur to drive you around, too), it’s best you don’t stall behind these slowpokes.
Verdict: Overtake on sight.
The sports car with the 30-year-old driver
Also known as: The Hyundai Genesis, or the Chevy “Bumblebee” Camaro or, on rare occasions, a Ferrari or a Lambo.
First things first: third world traffic and hotrods don’t mix. Perhaps, on summer days when gasoline prices shoot up and nobody else occupies the roads, V8 engines and EDSA traffic make sense together. But in these “ber” months (Sundays not exempted), you must be crazy to take your sports car out for a spin.
Verdict: Tailgate. They will switch lanes like a constipated 12-year-old. It’s convenient to have someone clear the way for you.
The ‘pimped out’ eight-year-old car
Also known as: That car with a really loud muffler but looks like a flashy cab.
These guys suffer from some sort of Napoleonic complex. You see, they’re not really sports cars, but they think they are. During short five-meter openings in bumper-to-bumper traffic, you’ll hear them rev and roar as if there’s a runway in front of them.
Verdict: Overtake on sight. Six words: Pagong at Matsing by Jose Rizal.
The delivery van
Also known as: “DO NOT DELAY, PERISHABLE GOODS.”
While they have the crudest engines and the most recent version of pawis-steering, it’s best not to get in the way of these truck-L300 half-breeds. They have the most determined, cranky and burnt-out drivers, spending most of their days on the road. At the same time, there’d really be nothing to buy or sell if these trucks didn’t deliver.
Verdict: Give way. They’re named Elf trucks for a reason. Merry Christmas to you!
The ‘wang wang’-wielding trapo.
Two years have passed since that fateful speech, and the reign of the single-digit plate number has yet to end. They’re still around. And they use not only their sirens, but also their escorts’ elbows. I’m sure you’ve seen one or two. Don’t lie! Santa hates liars.
Verdict: In first world countries, they’re more likely to flip you the middle finger, instead of honking their horns. Just saying.
