On mistresses, other women, and secret affairs

MANILA, Philippines - There’s been a surge of interest in infidelity media as of late. It began with the box office record-breaking No Other Woman, where Anne Curtis and Cristine Reyes literally clawed at each other in skimpy swimwear over Derek Ramsay. Beautiful girls, hot guy, a ridiculous mother figure, and a hundred or so campy one-liners (not excluding a Magkaribal reference) seemed a formula for success. Variations on the theme have been released in the form of The Mistress, A Secret Affair, A Beautiful Affair and Temptation of Wife.

 The fascination honestly escapes me. We have in front of us shows and films pretending to have the capacity to discuss a subject as sensitive as infidelity, but in reality, they always come up short, using it instead as a marketing tool. We’re told that it’s modern, mature, a different take on relationships. But we’re never given a window into how difficult it is for a man and wife to bounce back after such a large misstep, how once trust is broken it can remain so until everything crumbles. We never really see how people in relationships are accountable for the choices they make, especially when the choices are made with their bottom halves rather than their brains. Neither is it portrayed that sometimes, men really do leave their wives for the other woman and things don’t stay pretty or contained. What we receive instead are images painted thick with gloss and glitter, the glamorized interpretation of an affair.

Long-suffering wives

We are fed portraits of long-suffering wives, both young and old. They are all obviously smart (in other areas of their lives, at least), capable, beautiful women who are content to be taken for granted under some false sense of loyalty. The older women dole out campy advice to be tweeted and re-tweeted by audiences post-film, if only to defuse the fact that it is generally bad advice. While I accept that films are a fantastical representation of reality, what mother in her right mind would, especially after being cheated on herself, tell her daughter to keep fighting after the daughter’s been made a fool of? What mother advocates going after the mistress instead of dealing with the husband directly, and deciding the fate of their relationship reasonably? I mean, if this is a situation I ever find myself unlucky enough to be in, I’m pretty sure my mother would skip the camp and go straight to “cut off his balls.”

Lilia Cuntapay has won acting
accolades for her performance as herself in Six Degrees of Separation from Lilia Cuntapay.

 In addition, it is unfair how much the people who craft these stories lean on characters being cut and dry: mistresses are hypersexual and constantly crave attention, wives are loyal to a fault, and men will always be men. These characters aren’t crafted to be people you would recognize and fall in love with, understanding that their decisions call to their very nature. These characters are crafted with no other consideration than to make questionable decisions that drive plots forward. There is very little love or respect for these characters that grace the screen — not the women who suffer, not the women who are content to be cheated with, not the men who decide to cross the line of trust. They are tied up in neat little stereotypes and moved around like predictable puzzle pieces.

 In the third season of Sex and the City, Carrie had an affair with Mr. Big while he was married to a young stick figure named Natasha. It was complex. Carrie and Big had a long-standing history that was difficult to beat, and although the two of them were involved with other people, they engaged in a relationship that quickly degraded from five-star hotel hook-ups to meeting in dank rooms without air conditioning. In one particular scene, Charlotte tells Carrie, “You’re the other woman.” Carrie replies with, “I’m not the other woman, I’m not. I mean I know I am, but I’m not that woman.”

Sensationalized

 Considering this was hardly one of the most realistic shows of our time and it actually did much to glamorize most things, the show had the decency not to sensationalize the concept of cheating. I respect that none of it illustrated some foregone conclusion. Carrie knew she was doing something terrible, but she didn’t want to believe that she fell into the neat little box of “the other woman.” Neither was she given a free pass just because she and Big had a history. On the other hand, Natasha managed not to take it lying down without having to make a hair-pulling “Don’t mess with my man” kind of scene. There was a sensitivity to how easily lines could be crossed and justified, how familiarity could push the gravity of a scenario out of focus. More so, there was respect for the characters who were asked to bear the weight of their actions. What started as fun quickly turned cheap, and later on, as these things tend to, pulled out the architecture from under their feet.

 We live in an age where media is so easily accessible that telling stories comes with an even greater responsibility. The easiest way to turn a profit isn’t necessarily the most beneficial to one’s audience, and reveals a lot about how much mainstream machinery actually respects its audience. Cheating wives and husbands aren’t the only stories we have left to tell. There is so much beauty and tragedy that comes at the cost of living life, worthy of being explored onscreen with dignity and compassion without being absent of sex, humor, or excitement. The real question is whether or not, like the long-suffering wives in these tales of infidelity, mainstream media believes we are worth much more.

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