Abdominals 2011!

So my best friend Pong texted me right before the holiday season, “ABS 2011!” And I replied, “Wasn’t it ABS 2010?” Then he reminded me that the battle cry actually started in 2007. It starts strong in December but quickly fades as the new year comes in.

We had a few laughs from that seemingly harmless text exchange. But then I realized, we’ve been pudgy and unhealthy for the past years that it’s not a laughing matter anymore. It’s time to take it seriously.

I think the age catches up with you. It’s Christmas and you’re giving out aguinaldo to all the little ones and everyone starts calling you Tito Ping. Then someone catches you off-guard with your potbelly hanging out. What can you say in your defense? It’s what you call “Manila sexy”—a sign of prosperity.

Of course, it wasn’t always like that. There was a time of faster metabolism and worry-free gorging on the buffet table. I used to come home at four in the morning, eat a can of spam with two eggs and not feel like a stuffed turkey going to bed. My body would always find a way to burn everything.

It all went quickly downhill the day I quit the cigarette. Don’t get me wrong, though. Quitting is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life. Even if I don’t exercise, I don’t get tired going up the stairs, and my asthma and rhinitis have mellowed down. Unfortunately, the move came with a side effect. As with most quitters, the usual impulse is to substitute the craving with food.

I’ve been blessed with fast metabolism and natural abdominals since I was seven years old. But if you quit something, there’s always a period of adjusting. My tummy appears to have muscles, but I have to warn you: the illusion is shattered once you touch them.

The only reason I appear to have abs is because all layers of my fatty skin still follow the shape of my muscles underneath. It’s a phenomenon for the genetically-blessed, and we like to call it the “Fake Cuenca.”

I have to admit, I was tempted to go back to Zen De Shuo to get my old shape back. These are weight-loss capsules I had to take last year because I needed to lose weight quickly for work. Coupled with regular vigorous activity, you will dry out like a prune in no time. Only later did I find out that they’re very nasty things. It’s like shabu (crystal meth) in a capsule— bad for your liver and kidneys.

So now, I’ve decided to not take any shortcuts. I’m going to get back in shape slowly and surely, and I will do it the healthy way. But in order to do that, you need a combination of two basic things: the right diet and regular exercise. And I figured, you need a role model to keep you going, just in case that couch starts looking more and more inviting.

The obvious choice for a role model would be that screaming guy from Sparta. Another good one is rock-hard-abs comedian Ryan Reynolds. Or if you want someone local, there’s Jake Cuenca. That guy is really one of the most Spartan people I know. He never eats rice and will only consume chicken or fish. The guy does inverted sit-ups, for crying out loud. And you can see all the discipline has paid off: his girlfriend is the gorgeous Melissa Ricks.

I’m already on a semi-diet right now, meaning I eat what I want but always in moderate portions. I also take Green Tea capsules from time to time, which has caffeine extracted from plants that supposedly makes your metabolism faster. It’s also good to take before working out for that extra energy boost.

For exercise, the obvious choice is to jog. Everyone is a freaking marathon runner these days, but I must say my heart never really got into the sport. The activity simply bores my brain into imploding. So I’d rather do something like boxing. Or one-on-one badminton (not doubles) it’s always a good cardio workout. I end up with a drenched t-shirt every single time.

Exercise makes your mind sharper. It builds up your endurance for a lot of important things in life. It improves your life as a whole.

Looking back, it is quite a wonderful feeling when those endorphins kick in. I don’t know why I gave it up for such a long time. Like what tennis legend John McEnroe said about jogging, he hated doing it but it certainly made him feel good after. I’m actually looking forward to feeling healthy again.

So goodbye to chubby cheeks! Hello, contours, Spartan abs, sex cuts and gaining back confidence when going topless at the beach. Here’s to the start of a great year, folks. Abdominals 2011!