Best of the week: All Saints' Day Edition!

RIP: Miami Heat and the championship

MANILA, Philippines - Ever since Lebron James’ transfer to Miami Heat, every NBA fan in the world predicted the team will just breeze through the finals, perhaps not even needing to sweat it out. But in the first game of the season, Miami’s three kings failed to deliver and instead caused the greatest upset this season, with their team bowing out to Boston Celtics, 88-80. James and Wade allowed turnovers that’s why, and third man Bosh seemed like he was in a golf tournament. Because of this, NBA’s other lowly teams are planning their version of a Miami Heat takedown.

RIP: Sen. Santiago’s right big toe

Speaking of footnotes, dear Senator Miriam Santiago is also mourning the demise of her toe nail. Delivering a speech in a conference in Istanbul, the country’s walking dictionary fell off the stage, ala Miriam Quiambao circa 1999. The senator composed herself immediately and stood up, with her audience in turn rewarding her with a standing ovation. Her reps say it was because of a medical condition, and that the senator is fine. Chavit Singson would like to believe otherwise.

RIP: Pride and friendship

Here’s what you should not do if you suspect your friend is gay. An Australian man has been charged with physical assault and malicious intent after tattooing on his friend’s back a 16-inch penis. The victim requested for a yin-yang symbol instead. The unidentified victim claims he was talked into getting a tattoo in the back, but he never thought his friend would do that to him. After the inking session, the victim says he was punched his way out of the shop. So much for Dutdutan 2010.

RIP: Paul the octopus

Like any other animal past its heyday, Paul the Octopus quietly retired to his aquarium after the World Cup fever (and his psychic career) had died down. Spending most of his time munching on mussels and seafood carbonara, Paul the Octo-dramus passed on this week, though the official octopsy results have not been disclosed yet. His owner is currently training his successor and declined to comment on the sad news of his demise. Like one tweet said, he didn’t see that coming.

RIP: The walkman

In the era of digital music-on-the-go, even the first generation of iPod would be prehistoric. This week, an iconic link to the evolution of music players goes extinct, as manufacturer Sony announced that it will no longer be making the Walkman in countries where the demand has dwindled. The cassette player console, which was first made in 1979, rose to popularity after introducing portable music to fans who have not gotten over the rock and roll craze. Junk shops across China are already prepared.

RIP: Taylor Momsen’s self-respect

Little J’s been on a downward spiral for a while now. After cleaning herself up and clinching queen bee status at Constance, she threw it all away and ended up dating a drug dealer and drowning her face in raccoon makeup. It seems Little J’s misdemeanors have taken a toll on Taylor Momsen herself. After discussing her dildo collection and porno preferences, Taylor hit a new low this week when she flashed the audience at one of her band Pretty Reckless’ gigs. If that wasn’t enough, Nate Archibald still won’t bone her. Makes her wanna die, I’m sure.

RIP: Limewire file sharing

Gone are the days when you always get what you want. The US Supreme Court has ordered a total shutdown of the file sharing software Limewire, decisioning in favor of a copyright infringement case filed by the music industry (Yes, it’s the industry itself). Over the course of the legal battle, Limewire showed a message on its launch display saying that as per court injunction, any download would be illegal and a criminal act. This has caused uproar to the downloading public, and the Limewire pirates to jump ships.

RIP: Free time

After Thriller, November Rain, and Telephone, Kanye West makes his bid for music video hall of fame with his new Runaway video. Featuring everything from black swans to Mulawin, Runaway is no doubt an achievement in music video making. But clocking in at 30 minutes, watching it becomes more a chore than a pleasure. Yo Kanye, Ima let your video finish, but I need Cliff’s Notes to go with this!