MANILA, Philippines - Are you lesbian?” a classmate politely asked me after spending three hours chatting while fulfilling an academic requirement together.
And that marked the 1001st time my sexual orientation and gender had been put to the test.
I do not know what gives people the idea that I am not straight. Is it my voice that sounds like it’s coming from six feet below the ground? Is it my shirt-plus-jeans and no-makeup fashion statement? Is it the way I bully my playmates, small girls and big boys alike? Or is it my aggressiveness and assertiveness in getting things done? I do not know. I choose not to care anymore.
What really bothers me is that my sexuality and other people’s sexual orientation have always been of great importance in this conservative society. Why does it matter so much whether we are straight or not?
I strongly believe that it is not wrong to be gay, as long as you abide by the laws of the land, pay your taxes, and contribute to community-building. As long as you do these without stepping on other people’s rights, you are perfectly normal just like the straight men and women who perform the same tasks and responsibilities.
It is never a crime to be lesbian or gay. Look, there is nothing wrong with being masculine or feminine, men loving women, and women loving men. So what’s the fuss with girls liking girls or boys wanting boys? These are expressions of one’s sexuality. So why do people look at homosexuals, particularly lesbians, as lesser beings?
In a country where morality is equated with being straight, homosexuals, as well as those who deviate from the genders known to ordinary religion-bound Filipinos, are thrown outside the social circle. Not physically, at least.
Once, I was asked to name prominent lesbians in the country. Aside from former Little Miss-Philippines runner-up-turned-sessionista Aiza Seguerra, I could not identify popular lesbians. I pondered over this even when I reached home. Then, reality hit me hard. There are very few known lesbians in our country compared with known gay men in the society.
Why is that so?
Is it because there are simply more gay men than lesbians? Maybe. Maybe not.
Is it because there are no lesbians who make it into the limelight aside from Aiza? Definitely not.
Or is it because most lesbians are afraid to come out because of the stigma that being lesbian brings? Most probably.
If gay men are ostracized for being gay, lesbians experience the same torture a hundred times more.
Let’s face it. Despite advancements made in technologies and modes of living, our beliefs in the Philippines are still backward. The religious institutions, especially the most dominant one, dictate social norms including sexual orientation and preferences. While we claim to be liberated, the truth is we are still bound by doctrines, consciously or unconsciously. We are still living in a patriarchal society shaped by three centuries under Spanish rule. Men are still hailed as more powerful over women. That is why, I think, gay men are more accepted than lesbians. Come to think of it, most of us have heard about the Golden Gays, while no one has ever heard of Golden Lesbians, because there are none.
June was declared by US President Barack Obama as Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transexual (LGBT) Month in America. Let us celebrate the LGBT month in this country not just in compliance with the festivity observed in another country but because we believe in its true essence. Uplift the LGBT community. It will never be too late.
We are living in a country that has been declaring independence for the last 102 years. So why don’t we prove that we really are a nation of free people, not only in words but also in thoughts and actions, by respecting individual choices about sexuality?