If we don’t address our hurts, they are like ‘buttons’ in our consciousness

I just finished a 20-day retreat in California; it was six days of silent meditation from the onset. We were doing up to 10 hours of meditation daily. It was such a dramatic shift from the very busy life I was living in Manila. Nestled amid mountain ranges and surrounded by vast seemingly desert land, the location was idyllic for the journey inward.

It started a bit rough, with my thoughts racing all over the place, worries about work left undone plus having ideas on what should be done, and merry-go-round reasoning on why things were done this way: tiring thoughts.

It required steely determination to put the phone and the iPad on airplane mode. I had spent so much money to get there; it didn’t make sense to bring Manila with me.

After the silent meditation, Samuel (our meditation teacher) taught techniques to keep us calm no matter the chaos we felt. He taught us to recognize and to handle the incessant surges of emotions and reactions in our psyche. Wow, I wish I had learned this before.

On the fourth day of the silent meditation, something gave and my perception of a situation that was “hurting” me shifted dramatically. I went through the hurt — saw it for what it was — and the situation and the person involved changed color. It was amazing. What I felt was a huge lifting of weight replaced by exuberance to the point of me wanting to hug the person concerned.

This situation and my experience in life have reaffirmed my increasing conviction. Life is what you make of it. If we don’t address our hurts, they are like “buttons” in our consciousness, which lead us to see life through only these color-influenced lenses. Once that heals, life becomes totally different. Nothing has altered externally but because our “internal” view has changed, experiences arrive to our consciousness in a dramatically different way.

This is why the internal journey is essential. It leads us to get to a space of equanimity wherein we see life without the undue influence of our “buttons.”

So that’s where I am now. Feeling really peaceful and calm — and even happier because I have learned methods to keep myself in this state. Well, I will have lots of practice.

In fact, after the retreat I looked at the mailbox — 1,184 unread emails! This has now been cut to more than half, but some of them were already testing the very equanimity I sought to keep as a life principle.

“Ma’am!” one email exclaimed, “You are being hit on social media. And they are all saying mostly the same thing, that you said the Constitution is just a piece of paper!”

This happened once before to me and it was found that all the writers had pro-mining biases. This time I was being grouped with the “pro-P-Noy” team so I would not be surprised if the “other side” was trying to pull the rug out from under my feet.

Just to set the record straight. I do not belong to any group. I subscribe to my own principles. Yes, I do like this president because I find him honest and sincere. But never at any point in time will I throw my judgment to the wind because I am part of a “group.”

Secondly, I do not think the Constitution is just a piece of paper. In fact, the very basis of my criticism of the Supreme Court decision is just that. The Constitution contains the hopes and aspirations of our people. There is a spirit of goodness behind it. My stand is that the laws — and whatever is on paper — should take a back seat to the principles on which the Constitution is founded. In the event of a conflict (as in the case of DAP), then the common good must reign supreme.

Thirdly, the Supreme Court itself transferred funds or wanted to, so how can they pass negative judgment on something they themselves have been party to? If the decision is to be rigidly strict about the transference of funds, it would be more fair to give due warning — that from now on, etc., etc.

There. No anger. Just stating of facts.

I was amazed though at the varying reactions to DAP. My mom’s Pinoy hairdresser who is funny and lighthearted was critical of it because he wasn’t sure how the money was used. After reading all the news bits sent to me I could understand why politics is such a “dirty” game. It’s messy. No matter what you do — and with the very best of intentions — there will always be some who will see things in a negative light. It’s just the way the world goes.

It helps that I am in the confines of my mother’s house. For me the house has a persona of its own. The mall is a 10-minute walk away but for some reason the house feels very serene. It is surrounded by a garden. Mom has a meditation room in the basement, which she has been using for Christian meditation for over 20 years. When she first came to this house after her split with Dad, she was alone and she said she felt the Divine hold her. She would hear an inner sound. I hear this sound, too. It feels spiritual. If you go to nature or to really quiet places, if you stay still you can hear this sound. Sometimes it is high pitched. It feels celestial.
I found out, then, that Robin Williams had committed suicide. I really liked him. So I watched the YouTube videos of Robin until midnight. I found him intelligent, very funny and witty — the best impersonator. But even amid the funniness I could feel his pain.

Then I watched the YouTube video of James Foley being beheaded. That was hard. I read the comments — to the tune of “kill them all” — and it just doesn’t work. Violence doesn’t cut it. Beheading will just beget more violence. I don’t even believe in the drone strikes that Obama is doing. Violence is just not good. Period.

After a discussion with my mom wherein we shared the same views, there was a phone call, which I answered. “This is from the Democratic Party and we want to thank you for all your support.” I cut the speaker off and said, “Can you just stop the Iraqi war?” “Excuse me?” she said.

It is lovely to be with my mom and Dick. I feel so loved and held in this house. They are infinitely patient. I love San Francisco. I love the feel of the city. I love the people. I love the weather — except when it gets too cold. I love shopping here. I totally love eating here. For someone into health, the variety of healthy products is dizzying.

It’s back to work. One of the things we took up in this intensive was “life force” — otherwise called “jing.” It is essential not to deplete it. Things that deplete it: junk food, alcohol, too much sex, sleeping late, stress, too much thinking. If we keep jing protected, we will live happier and more fulfilled lives. He strongly advised that we take a breather when our bodies call for it — and strongly advised against taking coffee just to keep ourselves going. Because ultimately we will burn up our jing and that’s when disease sets in.

We have this life, so stay well. Don’t think too much. Don’t carry baggage. Better to process things, then let them go. Be carefully aware where you are coming from. More often than not when the reaction is overly intense, there is some deeper issue to source and be unraveled.

If you are interested in learning how to build your subtle bodies send me your email address. When we have the exact details of the next meditation workshop I will send you an email.

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I can be reached at regina_lopez@abs-cbn.com.