The 5 best gifts for love

The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love. — Henry Miller

In the 21st century, when the word “love” seems to be so often overused and yet so sadly devalued in true meaning with the prevalence of marital breakups and short-lived romances, this writer is still a romantic at heart. I believe in love as yen-hun in our Hokkien dialect, meaning destiny or God’s will. I also believe that love should be manifested consistently — not only on Valentine’s Day — but every day and forever.

Although Europe is the source of the Shakespearean love story Romeo and Juliet and Hollywood gave us romantic epics like Gone With The Wind (75th anniversary since its release this year) and Titanic, some of the world’s most unforgettable expressions for love of women come from our great region of Asia. I wish to cite two.

In the Tang Dynasty of 8th century China, Emperor Xuanzong in his cosmopolitan capital city of Chang’An (today Xi’an) fell in love with an 18-year-old woman. The Emperor was so enamoured of her, he began neglecting matters of state to spend time with her and he renamed her Yang GuiFei (high-ranked imperial concubine). Fresh lychee fruits, her favorite, were delivered to her by special pony express from southern China every week. The music-loving emperor even recomposed for her a melody from the Western Regions and renamed the tune Dance of Rainbow Skirt & Feathered Dress.

The Taj Mahal is a magnificent white marble mausoleum located in Agra, Uttar Pradesh, India. This architectural masterpiece was built by Mughal emperor Shah Jahan in memory of his third wife, Mumtaz Mahal. In 1631, Emperor Shah Jahan, emperor during the Mughal empire’s period of greatest prosperity, was grief-stricken when his third wife, Persian pricess Mumtaz Mahal, died during the birth of their 14th child.

5 Languages of Love

Since we’re now in the month of love, I’d like to share the ideas of author Gary Chapman in his 2010 book The 5 Love Languages, which I think should be a good reminder for all of us. He advises that we should learn what our loved one intuitively feels is the best expression of love, in order to avoid miscommunications and misunderstandings.  The five ways to best express and experience love are:

1. Words of affirmation. Actions are not always louder and better than words. Simple words of appreciation or affection are important. Personally, I recommend that we still try the old-fashioned way of at least occasionally giving or sending handwritten letters or notes, which I believe are nowadays more rare than diamonds in this era of text messages, emails and social media. When I once courted a Chinese-Canadian girl who was only here for a vacation, I not only went out with her often, I sent her handwritten letters every day even after she was already my girlfriend.

2. Quality time. In this era when almost everyone is so busy with work and careers or too engrossed in social media and electronic gadgets even during dinners or social occasions, one wonderful gift or expression of love is full and undivided attention.

During the last national elections, I remember once bumping into former Senate President Manny Villar and his wife now Senator Cynthia Aguilar Villar having a quiet lunch at Resorts World Manila on a Sunday, and the tycoon explained to me that no matter how busy both of them were in the campaigning, they have that weekly Sunday lunch together. Why Resorts World? Villar said that his wife was always flying to or arriving from somewhere, so they chose that place because it’s just right across the airport.

3. Receiving gifts. This isn’t about materialism, but more the physical expressions and symbols of love. People give women a wide variety of gifts from chocolates, cakes and fresh flowers to pet dogs, diamonds and others.

For the super-rich, like Iñigo Zobel, I’ll never forget him telling me once at a dinner reception that he bought Rogue magazine as “a gift for my wife.” Another tycoon, Mikee Romero, told me one of his gifts for his wife Sheila is the boutique hotel called Oracle Hotel in Katipunan Avenue, Quezon City across the Ateneo de Manila University.

Actor Jericho Rosales told me he courted his fiancée Kim Jones with Toblerone chocolates — that’s one of the reasons both of them were chosen to become its celebrity endorsers. Chocolates are ideal Valentine’s gifts.   

4. Acts of service. What can we guys do for the women we love, to show them sincerity and authenticity of love? Any acts of service, from assisting in household chores, to washing dishes in the home or doing other tasks, are appreciated.

In the 75-year-old Kamuning Bakery I recently bought in Quezon City, I discovered an old love story between a baker and a salesgirl. When the founder Atty. Leticia “Letty” Bonifacio Javier died 22 years ago and her son Ted hired carpenters to repaint and make repairs all over the iconic bakery, one of the carpenters named Robin was 16 years old and he was courting a then 19-year-old salesgirl named Lucy. He applied to become a helper in the kitchen so that he could continue to be there after the renovations, and part of his courtship was constantly assisting the salesgirl who eventually became his wife. This talented carpenter was skilled with his hands and in learning how to do pugon or wood-fire oven baking, he ended up becoming a master baker.

5. Physical touch. This isn’t about the bedroom, but should include pats, hugs, just holding hands and other expressions like sheer physical presence and constant accessibility. At the recent wedding reception of his son, Chinese Commercial News publisher Solomon Yuyitung jokingly said in his speech that guys should always hold the hands of their wives, or else they’ll go shopping.

One romantic couple in our Philippine society is Senator Alan Peter Cayetano and his wife Taguig City Mayor Maria Laarni “Lani” Lopez Cayetano. During the last election when he was flying everywhere nationwide to different islands to campaign, I was incredulous when he told me he doesn’t spend a single night away from his wife’s side.

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Finally, although a recent study shows that more people on earth read Facebook every day than the Holy Bible, the latter is still a source of one of the most beautiful quotes about authentic love.

In 1 Corinthians Chapter 13, it is written: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

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