New Year’s revolutions

MANILA, Philippines - In Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen), Baz Luhrmann’s paean to the class of ’99, he starts with a humble word to the wise, “The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists/Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable/Than my own meandering experience.”

The lyrics of that non-song song have become the balm of my life, with the radio turning into oracle, playing it exactly when I need to be reminded that I should not “berate myself too much.”

Growing up in a Chinese household instilled in me a healthy respect for the Chinese New Year. It was mandatory homework to collect newspaper clippings on your Animal sign’s prospect/s for the year, prepare, and if necessary, arm yourself, your office and your residence with the gamut of amulets, jade dragons and paraphernalia to ensure good fortune and success.

Taking a proverbial page out of Baz’s book, for once I wish to break tradition and turn away from the World of Feng Shui books. Instead of focusing on the portents of a geomancer, I instead wish to review my life against some standards that although lacking in empirical evidence, tell me that so far, we are going the right track. Neil Gaiman, a similarly unkempt-haired hero, gave another piece of advice in a graduation speech, which became a book, that was as simple as it was powerful: if life doesn’t quite go your way, make good art. Turn your sorrows into art, turn your heartache into art, and reap like an Adele with her 10 Grammy awards.

And as we turn another year older and hopefully somewhat wiser, I am guilty of being an Elizabeth Gilbert fan and “always talking in bumper sticker.” In equal parts, this list of invented Instaquotes is self-challenging: to dispel some of the fear that comes with growing older and being tethered by responsibility; and it is also self-motivating: so that we may hope and look with the promise of progress as we meet the year ahead.

1. Do not be afraid to start again. We’re scared. It’s the reason we endure unhappy careers, or prolong unfulfilling relationships. What happens if you have to do menial tasks again? Will your new team like you? Will someone love you again? All of these hesitations are hinged on the self-preserving defense mechanisms that, while they may extend your life or tenure, would not quite qualify as living. Life is meant to be amazing, not the dull existence that would be so easy to fall into when you are earning, raising a family and doing all the things that are expected by good society. So live the dream. Take that risk. And as Nike says, “Just do it.”

2. Don’t let the pebble break your stride. This is one lesson that I am still learning. Even amid a coliseum cheering and rooting for you, it only takes one heckler or one naysayer to break your focus. It is human nature to notice the negative and while it is impossible to please everyone, these three words need to be tattooed upon the mind: Focus on the good. Pursue your goal anyway, and tune in to the people who encourage you, who egg you on to be better and even if that pebble did make you trip, just strap back on those stilettos and walk your way.

3. It is okay to ask for help.  Raised by a strong-willed, feminist mother, I would naturally be opposed to feeling like a charity case. I saw her do it all. And yet I have learned that it is okay to ask for help once in a while. Meet a guru, talk to a Theta healer, gather a panel of your nearest and dearest friends. When the going gets tough, and your mind becomes a quicksand pool of choices and scenarios, only some of your wisest pals and family members can pull you out, dust you off and get you back on track.

4. Play to your loves, not just your strengths. It’s been said that one must always play to their strengths. Every self-help book tells you that. However, I have lived and seen that the best choices happen when you follow the heart — a less consistent instrument compared to the mind but undoubtedly a more powerful one.  When you love what you are doing, you will move mountains, smile throughout the hitches, you will never say die, and you will invest towards goals that you didn’t even realize you could reach.

5. Work for people you’d like to be. There are many considerations for a career path: salary, security, car plan, and for others, this end of the spectrum would end in a desire for fame and fortune. However, a simple barometer for success is this: identify the qualities that you’d like to have then find the person who has those; that person should be your boss. At this point, I have to qualify that bosses are not just people who order us around. Whether we like it or not, they inevitably become our mentors, influencing us through their actions and omissions. This was something that I didn’t figure out until well into my first job and since, while I have never directly sought out the bosses that have shaped my career, I seem to have attracted them into my life and in learning their examples, I owe who I have become.

6. Edit your life. Most of our life, we are taught that abundance is the measure of success. And especially now with social media where anyone can track your tally of shopping bags, friends or influence, it has become so easy to fall into the gluttonous trap of more is more is better. When truthfully, less is best. It need not even be as severe as Buddhist detachment. However, the truth is that we are the sum of the people, places and paradigms we surround ourselves with. And when there are negatives there, they quietly shave away at our inner peace and happiness. Less but meaningful relationships are so much greater than having thousands upon thousands of virtual friends. Having a wardrobe bursting with clothes will not make you happier, so give some of those items away. Clean out your apartment and your life so that there can be room, both literally and figuratively, for abundance and all the good stuff like love and happiness, to come in.

7. Believe it to see it. It is possible to have it all. There are so many unspoken prejudices that are more imagined than real: If you’re pretty you must be dumb. If you’re rich, you must be ugly. If you’re smart you must be socially awkward. If you’re a mother, you need to give up your career. If you’re ambitious, you’re greedy.

All of these are lies that people tell themselves to rationalize away their own failings. To quote the late Nelson Mandela, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” So shine, do not apologize or try to dim yourself so that others may feel some dose of false security. True champions will not balk and will even join you in your quest for world domination.

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This list is not so much a list of accomplishments as it is a daily reminder. Another late great hero, Steve Jobs, had these words to say, “You can only connect the dots in your life by looking back — not forward…” and this is where faith comes in. It is still the most powerful force on earth.

And definitely, wear sunscreen. And drink lots of water. Lord knows how this last advice has helped me in my life.