How a children’s book saved my life

MANILA, Philippines - She laughed when there was no joke.

She danced when there was no music.

She had no friends, yet she was the friendliest person in school…She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to a corkboard like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew,” wrote Jerry Spinelli in his book Stargirl.

 Stargirl is an award-winning young adult novel written by Jerry Spinelli and published in 2000 by Scholastic Inc. It is a masterfully woven tale of first love and non-conformity; an easy read that isn’t easy to put down once you get started. 

Stargirl follows the story of Leo Borlock, a boy who is absolutely terrified yet enchanted by an extraordinary young girl named Stargirl Caraway who has a pet rat named Cinnamon, who sings Happy Birthday to strangers during lunchtime, who dances in the rain, who cheers for the rival team during basketball matches and who is just as smitten with young Leo as well.

Stargirl is one of those stories that stay with you long after it has been read. The wisdom hidden between all 186 pages makes it hard to remember that it was originally written for children. It’s the kind of book that can be life changing. It saved me from my inner demons and brought back to life what I had once lost, my identity.

In the past, Stargirl was a very popular book. Nearly everyone in my batch had borrowed and read Stargirl when we were in grade school. Nearly everyone, that is, except for me. Back then, it was one of those books I just never really got around to reading.

The years passed and I grew from Grade 4 to 4th year high school. Out of nowhere, peer pressure and prejudice spread like the plague. It was an incurable disease and nobody, it seemed, was immune to it. Not even me.

I knew some people found me a bit eccentric back then: my Hitler disaster haircut, my oversized glasses, my multicolored braces and my unusual obsession with all things anime still makes me cringe with embarrassment every time I remember those days but it was never a cause for worry. In fact, I embraced it, I laughed at it and I easily dismissed it! I did everything it seemed, except to mope over it like any normal girl naturally would.

However, trouble came when I was in my sophomore year of high school and I found out I was being backstabbed by some of my closest friends. It only grew worse during my junior year when I began crumbling under the burning scrutiny of others. The degrading sideway glances in the hallways, the mocking laughter during class and the snide comments all became too much to deal with until one day, I just snapped. Something inside me broke. I remember telling my class to keep quiet only to be responded with someone saying “Oh my god shut up” and the sound of stifled laughter.

Suddenly, my life turned into a teenaged angst film that consisted mostly of crying in empty bathroom stalls in between classes minus the cute male lead. I was spiraling out of control. I was emotionally unstable and I was often moody and easily irritated. I began to hate school and it showed in my grades. I began to hate myself as well, and I often took it out by resorting to vices and some other modes of self-harm. The once happy, confident girl I used to be had disappeared and was replaced by this dull, somber echo of what I once was. 

That’s when I found Stargirl. Or perhaps, when Stargirl found me. I wandered into my school library one afternoon and strolled along the countless shelves, trying to find solace in stories as I always had. Out of a hundred other books, I decided to borrow Stargirl that day because I felt as if it was calling out to me. “Read me!” it seemed to be saying.  

That day, as I devoured the story, it completely changed me. It came to me at a time when I desperately needed it the most and it saved me. I absolutely couldn’t put it down and I could’ve easily finished it in one sitting. It touched me in a way no other book has and taught me things that could not simply be taught in the classroom.

Slowly, I regained my sense of confidence and self-worth by drawing inspiration from Stargirl’s example. I aspired to be more like Stargirl who celebrated the little things, who found enchanted places where others saw a dry wasteland and who kissed the cheek of the girl who slapped hers’. Just like I did, Stargirl struggled with the harsh criticisms of the people in her school but instead of changing herself to fit in to the status quo, she managed to overcome all the hatefulness dragging her down and chose to rise above them. Little by little, I began to love and accept myself once again. I began to tune out all the negativity coming from others until I was an invincible shield of happiness and positivity once more. And all this after reading just one children’s book! 

I’ve never really had a motto in life, but now I do. My new motto is to be a Stargirl to others: to dance in the rain and to sing at the top of my lungs and to smile at random strangers. In this day and age where teenagers often succumb to the throes of peer pressure, bullying or lack of self-esteem, I encourage you to join the revolution, find your inner Stargirl or Starboy and let your light shine bright against the darkness! It’s about time we all started to embrace who we are and celebrate the uniqueness of each individual! “Be yourself,” is often overused until it loses its meaning and relevance, but by reading Stargirl, I found that this could not have been more true or more essential to living a life of authentic happiness.

After all, as what Stargirl once said: “Why fit in when you’re born to stand out?” 

THIS WEEK’S WINNER

Ella Sarol is a 17-year-old student in her senior year of high school. She enjoys reading, writing, using the internet for far too long, procrastinating schoolwork and publicly humiliating herself then obsessively thinking about it for the next couple of years.