Change life situations – relieve stress

While in San Francisco, I was sitting with Dick, my mom’s husband, over lunch. What he related to me was so interesting, I immediately thought it was worth writing about.

The conversation started with me remarking how healthy he is. I have mentioned this several times in previous columns. What I never knew was how sick he was. I just thought he had healthy genes and that he was always healthy, in the same way that my siblings and I tend to be healthy because our parents are healthy and follow healthy lifestyles.



I was really surprised when Mommy told me he wasn’t always healthy — that he actually became healthy when he married her because our family members are such health buffs and he decided to follow suit.

When Dick started telling me of his ailments, my mouth was agape: Huh? He had palpitations, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, asthma, vertigo. Mommy said when she first met him he could hardly walk up 19th Avenue, even though the slant is so slight.



How did he get well? He took the courage to end a very unhealthy relationship. He stayed on because he loved his kids dearly. He even stayed faithful because he believed it was the best thing to do. But he was desperately unhappy. He had decided to follow “form” instead of seeking content — to the extent that his health kept on deteriorating. One day, after his kids had grown, he decided he had had enough so he decided to walk out of a 25-year relationship.

Now he boxes, swims, lugs heavy luggage up and down the stairs, plays golf, has learned how to cook, is learning Japanese, and has gotten rid of all his health ailments. Unreal. When I heard all of that I told him, “Dick! That’s amazing! I am going to write about it.”

Imagine? No medication! He just left a situation that was stressing him emotionally and spiritually.

Lesson? Life is an interweaving of dimensions. We have this life. We owe it to ourselves and to God to live life to the fullest. We owe it to ourselves and to God to live in a situation where we can grow and be nourished. Form is empty. The more important facet in life is content. What goes on inside. That the situation we are in nourishes what is inside. When we choose form over content, we kill the part of ourselves that deserves more than emptiness. Asides from a sad psyche, we more often than not find ourselves in an abject state of physical health. Physical well-being is often a manifestation of what goes on inside.

Though sometimes one must be practical because one lives in today’s society, making decisions solely based on societal norms is just not the way to go. We need to go inside and follow our inner guidance, our inner truth.

Now Dick is 84 years old and he is already planning his 90th birthday!



As I was writing the notes of this article, he came breezing into the room and jokingly mentioned, “Oh, you have to tell them I smoke a cigar every day.” Sigh… Yes. Despite his cigar he stays healthy. In fact he has told Mom that his cigar is her only competition.

I remember the mother of Professor Ed Morato who died at 90 in spite of smoking cigarettes — because she danced almost every day. You do what makes you happy, and you can even stay healthy and live long despite not very healthy habits.

So my advice? Live around people who are good for your soul.

Choose your friends well. Choose your partners well. Choose your workplace well. You are there for a major part of your life so you need to make sure that you are happy in what you are doing. 



Another piece of advice: You can create your own world. If there are facets in your workplace or your relationships that disturb you, sometimes a bit of communication and strategy can turn this around. Don’t adopt a “victim” stance wherein you believe you are powerless and worth nothing. You can speak up. Make a difference.

Try to shift things around. It will be good for you. Good for the people around you. Life is what you make of it. A “victim” approach to life weakens us. It doesn’t allow us to take advantage of challenging situations to build strength and wisdom. Go forward bravely, intuitively and with compassion.

If it still doesn’t work, then it may be time to call it quits. I always believe in inner guidance. If you go quietly, you will know what the best thing to do is. The worst thing you can do is to make decisions based on reaction. In reaction one tends to see the world and people in a certain way. This can often be colored by one’s own issues. You need to be still and calm. And then make a decision. I remember when Dick first started “seeing” Mom — and before he made the “big jump” — he wanted to be really sure he was doing the right thing. He cut himself off from the world, even Mom, and went on a one-week retreat in Tagaytay. Soul searching. Cool. That’s a good thing to do before making any major life decisions. Don’t think. Go inside.

Life is not easy. If we take it joyfully and bravely, we will reach 84 like Dick — and start planning for our 90th while keeping our spirits up. We make our own lives.

Happy living!

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I can be reached at regina_lopez@abs-cbn.com.