Will they click?

Dear Nanay,

I am part of a clique of working women who met at a photography workshop three years ago. We are S, B, D & N. Though we have stopped attending photography workshops (and have gotten bored with our SLRs), we still meet up once a month for various activities (i.e. out-of-town trips, nice brunches, late-night drinks, trips to the salon, picnics, etc.). We are all single and financially independent.

I am also friends with another girl from the workshop who we shall call H. One time, my friend, B casually mentioned inviting H into our clique. However, I am rather possessive of my close friends and do not exactly take to the idea of having her as part of our clique. How do I justify being selfish with my friends?                                                   S

Dear S,

I am sure you have your reasons for not wanting to invite H into your clique.  But, I think you should look at those reasons and think about them very carefully before actually do anything.

It is difficult for me to say anything without knowing exactly why you have this hesitation. But I do want to say this: It is very difficult for an outsider to enter a very tightly knit clique. Parang sumasali ka sa bagong barkada (It’s like joining a new clique) where there are fixed routines, inside jokes and everyone has a tight relationship. It is hard to be the “new kid on the block.” So if you are going to bring H into your group, I think it should be a group decision so that everyone in the clique will welcome her with open arms. It is hard enough to join a new barkada; and it will only be harder if any of the old members do not want her there.

Having said that, since it was B who wanted to invite H, maybe you can tell her that you have some reservations about the invitation. Who knows?  Maybe that will be the end of the story. If B still insists, then maybe you can ask her to bring it up with everyone else to see what they think. After all, all of you have some “ownership” over the clique and everyone has a right to be heard.

At that point, maybe the idea will just be voted down or die a natural death. But if for some reason the group decides to bring in H, you should be ready for that possibility. Again, I cannot give you advice on what to do since I do not know your reasons. But just keep an open mind and perhaps you can reconsider bringing in someone new. I know there is comfort in keeping things the way they are when it is working so well, but there is also excitement in the occasional changes in your life.

Sincerely,

Nanay

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A hearty matter

Dear Nanay,

I have a little piece of advice for “To Go or Not To Go” and “To Go or Not To Go 2.”

It may sound corny and clichéd, but the solution to your problem is to just follow your heart. You have to look out for yourself and look out for your happiness. Trying to make other people happy is perfectly good but how can you make others happy if you yourself are not? You will only put yourself in a situation where you are making all the sacrifices and you will be sad. In the end, you might even resent the people who put you in that situation.

So follow your heart. Do what you want to do and not what others want you to do. It might be difficult to make the choice at first but in the end it will make you happy and after all that is what still counts the most. Yvonne                               

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