Does a dad have any custody rights to a son he abandoned?

Dear Nanay,

My second wife has a child, a five-year-old son belonging to her past. Since her pregnancy, she has never heard from the guy again. She was never married to the guy so my wife didn’t mind it even if he didn’t want to face his responsibility. All she had to do was to carry the child until due period. When the time came that she was going to give birth, the child’s father still didn’t show up. But the guy’s father said sorry for the wrong he’s done by his son. In fact, even the father doesn’t know his whereabouts.

My question is, does my wife have the power to change the child’s surname to her surname? Another is, does the father have the right to gain custody of his son in the future if he wants to (without offering any support to his child)?

Thank you.

Respectfully yours,

pjkryst

DEAR pjkryst,

In most cases I hear about, when the father is unknown or does not acknowledge the child at the time of birth, the child takes the surname of the mother. Since you are asking if your wife can “change the child’s surname,” I am assuming that the child’s surname is now that of the father. If that is the case and you want to change the name now, I would recommend you get in touch with a lawyer who is familiar with these kinds of cases because you may have to go to court to ask for a change of name.

With regards to the father getting the child at some future time, as a rule and all else being equal, the child will most likely stay in the custody of the mother. This is because young children of separated parents are usually given to the custody of the mother and in this case, the father has shown no interest in the child for all these years.  So as long as the mother has done a good job raising the child in a loving home, there should be no reason for any court to grant custody to the father. However, if the day should ever arrive that the father will want custody of the child, again you should consult with a lawyer who is versed in such matters to give you proper legal advice.

Sincerely,

Nanay

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Life is short, let’s not waste it

Dear Nanay,

I always read your column and appreciate very much the practical and kind advice that you share with us readers.  Your wisdom is always shedding new light on our situations when sometimes we cannot see the most obvious solution in front of our faces.

This letter is not so much to seek your advice but to share some advice with your readers. Because it is Christmas and New Year’s time, it is also time to take the opportunity to reconcile with old friends and family who you may have had arguments with or not spoken to for a long time. This is the time of year we usually have parties and dinners with friends. But why only do it during this time of year? We should be doing that all year. What if the world had ended on Dec. 21? Then what?

After all, our life is very short and we should not waste it. Gina

Dear Gina

I think you give some very good advice. We should take the time out from our very busy lives to get together with family and friends. Not only during the holiday season, but anytime during the entire year.

Sincerely,

Nanay
 
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