Parents on competitive parents

Dear Nanay,

I would just like to comment on your letter senders inquiring on how to deal with competitive parents. In my case, it’s a good thing that my parents are not competitive, as that would add pressure to schoolwork. I believe there’s an inverse relation between pressure and happiness, wherein if there is great pressure, then there is less happiness. I believe, however, that one should strike a balance, that parents should exert a minimum of pressure, like ensuring homework is done first before engaging in personal activities. To develop the discipline of prioritizing schoolwork rather than procrastinating, just ensure that your kids are learning. They may not turn out to be honor students, but what the heck! As long as they’re learning and happy with their lives.

So I would suggest when a competitive parent makes comparisons with your children, simply applaud that parent and praise the accomplishment of his/her children, and say that your style is that you want your children to be just happy and sufficiently educated.  — PN

 Dear Nanay,

I read your column last week regarding the lives that our children today have to live and how competitive their lives have become. For many people, it may seem like our children are overworked and overstressed. But what many people also do not realize is how much our children are capable of. They are smarter, faster learners and more brilliant than I ever thought children could be. They are like sponges that can absorb information faster than I ever thought possible. How else can such young children learn to use computers so early? How else can these children absorb so much information so quickly at so young an age? How can they learn to read and write so soon?

They really are capable of far more than we think. And you said it yourself when you mentioned that what we were taught in high school before is now being taught in elementary. Everything we learned before is now being taught earlier and earlier. Now it is normal for children in kindergarten or earlier to be using iPads and iPhones with no problem at all! And like you, Nanay, I am part of the older generation who cannot learn to use these things as my cellphone is about 10 years old. I say if it is not broken, then there is no need to fix it!

What I think is very correct that you said is that each parent must find what they are comfortable with. They need to find a balance between happiness and pushing their children. Pushing children to always be number one is definitely not for everyone because it comes with a price and requires a lot of sacrifice. So we all need to find a balance that fits our lifestyle but I just want to say: do not underestimate the abilities of children. They are really smart and can do more than most people think.— MT de Guzman

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