How do you deal with competitive parents?
Dear nanay,
How do you deal with super- competitive parents? In our circle of friends, many of the children are about the same age. Some are in pre-school, some are in grade school and some are in high school. But regardless of which age you talk about, there are just some parents who love to keep comparing their children to other children. Maybe I am just not competitive by nature but I really believe that each child is special and that each child has his own strengths and weaknesses. And coming in first place is not the only thing we have to let our children try to do.
Nanay, how did you raise your children? Did you raise them to always be number one? Or did you raise them to be God-fearing, generous and good people? —ME-AN
Dear nanay,
How times have changed since I went to school. Back in those days, when I was in grade school, all I can remember is playing with my friends after school — jackstones, piko, patintero. But now what happened? Life is so different! Not only do kids spend their whole days staring at a screen — iPad, television, PlayStation — but they are also so busy! It seems like children today have to work so hard just to keep up with their classmates and friends.
“What? Your six-year-old does not know the alphabet yet? My five-year-old already memorizes the flags of the world!” “My seven-year-old son plays soccer, basketball and tennis! What sports do your kids do?”
So often I actually do not know what to say so sometimes I just make up the answers. I don’t want my children to sound like they are falling behind but at the same time I just want them to have fun and be kids. Why can’t they just grow up “normal”? Although I will be the first one to admit that “normal” today may not be the same as “normal” 20 years ago. — CONFUSED ABOUT KIDS
Dear me-an and confused about kids,
Yes, I will agree with you that raising children today seems to be a far more difficult task than it has ever been. When I see what my great-grandchildren have to do, ako ang napapagod para sa kanila! (I get tired for them!) Without a doubt, this is partly an effect of the fast-changing world we live in. Life today is more complicated, more technologically advanced and much faster than it has ever been. Therefore, even the lives and what is expected of our children have evolved.
For example, if you look at what the children are studying in school, what was being taught in high school is now being taught in Grade 6 or 7. What was being taught in Grade 4 or 5 is now being taught in Grade 2 or 3. Children learn to use the computer almost before they can read and write. Before, computer was learned only in high school. And as for people my age, I am 89 years old, we never learned how to use the computer! Talagang talong-talo ako sa mga kabataan ngayon! (I am really behind in technology compared with kids today!)
I believe that one of the side effects of this fast changing world is increased competition. This is true in business and yes, this is also true in school and among parents. As a matter of fact, more often than not, it is probably the parents who are more competitive than the children themselves! But you also have to understand that the level of competitiveness varies greatly between parents. There are some who will push their children to always be number one, and there are also those who have a more relaxed approach to raising their kids. One is not necessarily better than the other and you have to find what is appropriate for you.
The question, of course, is what do you do when you are a “relaxed” parent and you are confronted with hyper-competitive parents who are beginning to annoy you?
Of course, maybe the least confrontational way of handling the situation is to just not do anything. Just agree that their children are the best and don’t get into the game of one-upmanship. Unfortunately, if you really cannot stand them anymore, then this may not be a very realistic solution.
A second option may be to just talk to them nicely. Tell them what they are doing and what it is doing to you. Perhaps they do not even realize what they are doing and they will adjust their behavior by themselves.
However, if you have tried everything and they continue to bother you, then perhaps the only thing left for you to do is to walk away.
Remember, they are not really doing anything wrong per se. It is just that what they are doing bothers you. But just like they cannot change your beliefs, you cannot change theirs. And even if we all just want what’s best for our children, you have a fundamental difference regarding how to be the best. It is like having different religions. They are different but one is not necessarily better than the other. We just have to find a way to co-exist peacefully and with understanding. Perhaps the real key is to find a way to agree to disagree.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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