Ruffa Gutierrez: Hurt, tired, but still waiting for her 'forever' love

Beautiful. Controversial. Two adjectives probably most often used to describe this woman. She first came into Pinoy mainstream consciousness when she won the title Second Princess at the Miss World Pageant in 1993. Soon after, her name became more known for one controversy after another, from the “Take it, take it” Filmfest issue, to her high-profile romantic relationships, to the legal cases she and her family have been involved in. She has managed to stay steadfast through them all, proving to be an empowered woman, single mom, and celebrity. Here are 10 things you should know about Ruffa Gutierrez.

1. Ruffa was only 13 years old when she entered showbiz, and when she started earning, she voluntarily paid for the tuition fees of her younger brothers.

Her dad Eddie Gutierrez made a comeback in showbiz, prompting their family to move back to Manila from Los Angeles. The payment for his first contract was a house in White Plains, Quezon City (that Eddie and Annabelle live in to this day) so he didn’t get any regular salary. “My mom wasn’t a talent manager yet, all she did was keep making babies,” Ruffa says in jest. It wasn’t an issue for her to be providing for her family at such a young age, saying it’s something inherent to Filipino families. “We were far from struggling, I just wanted to help send the kids to good schools.”

2. She didn’t get to go to college because she chose to work instead. But she now gives utmost importance to education with her daughters Lorin and Venice.

She recalls her mom Annabelle and her getting into a big argument over sending the kids to a local or international school. “She says I should save my money, since I went to a local school and I came out fine,” she says. In the end, Ruffa enrolled both her daughters in international schools. “I don’t care if tuition is $20,000 a year. If it’s for the education of my child, and they can go to Ivy League universities that I never experienced, I’ll give it to them.”

She was all set to take up International Relations and Diplomacy in Schiller International University in London but she chose to stay in Manila to work. “No regrets. My career was booming and I was taking advantage of the opportunities,” she says. She does admit she is toying with the idea of taking a short course abroad possibly next year.

3. With all the controversies she has been through, she has developed this mindset of forgetting about it after it blows over. “I think that’s one way of not holding grudges.”

At first she jokes: “Ang dami niyan ha! Which one?” She says her friends often have to remind her of some things that happened in the past, and explains “if you keep on dwelling on the past, all the bad things, all the controversial things, I don’t think that you’re able to move forward.”

Of all the events in her life the media has feasted on, the one she considers the most hurtful and the one she wished would’ve ended sooner was the breakdown of her marriage with Yilmaz Bektas. “The future of my two kids was at stake, it was supposedly my dream life, to get married, to live happily ever after,” she opens up. When asked if Lorin and Venice understand the concept of their break up, Ruffa says: “I remember when I got my annulment, we were in Boracay sitting in a jacuzzi, watching the sun set. I said ‘You know what, Mommy and Bubba are officially not married anymore,’ and of course there were tears.” She shares that to this day Yilmaz gets to talk to the girls regularly, but the last time he saw them in person was around three years ago.

Along with the hurtful gossip comes the odd rumors, and the ones she finds the funniest and most outrageous are: that she once worked as an alalay to supermodel Naomi Campbell; that she closed down a shop in London and bought the whole store; that she once gave birth to twins and sold one. “These are funny, exaggerated news items that I just take with a grain of salt.”

Celebrating New Year 2012 at the Boom Boom room in New York City with my twin brothers Richard and Raymond

She says the turning point where she started to become tough was the Film Festival scam in 1994. “It changed a lot of things that I wanted to do with my life. I hated the Philippines so much that I wanted to go away,” she shares. That was when she started doing auditions quietly in the States, which led to her being a presenter for Century Productions, which led to her meeting Yilmaz while she was covering the Cannes Film Festival in 2000.

4. On what hurts her now: “It’s not about hurting anymore, it’s more about being tired. Hindi ba sila nagsasawa sa kakatira sa akin?”

“Mga hindi busy? Bored? Walang magawa,” she sighs. “You know, the more they bring us down, the more successful we become,” she says of the seemingly non-stop tirades towards her whole family. She says that back in the day she would really be affected by things she would hear, but now what matters to her are what the people close to her say. “If anyone wants to say anything malicious, they don’t really know me, and I’m sure I have a better life than them.”

5. Ruffa considers Yilmaz her one true love, and she is convinced it was cultural differences that were the root of their problem. “We really loved each other so much but siguro he loved me so much that he saw me as a possession.”

She says that theirs was a fairy-tale love that crossed boundaries, but that their story boiled down to one thing: domestic violence. “I really felt self-pity. This never happened to me when I was single, why was it happening now? I sacrificed everything for him and I’m sure he sacrificed a lot for me as well, but I felt life could be better than this,” she opens up. She recalls that during the beginning, she would question herself and try to find reasons. “Umiiyak ako, why did he do this to me, I can’t believe it, but I love him,” she recalls. But after a few years and after it was done so many times, even when she felt she didn’t do anything wrong, the love and pity turned to hate. “You want to fight back, call for help, cry for help.” She shares how it was the three Filipina yayas whom she brought with her who were witness to everything, and she gets emotional when she reveals that one of them just passed away due to cancer. “Yaya Beth, she was really the one that helped me when I was there, when you’re far away, they’re the ones with you there, they know everything.”

With fellow Kapatid artists Willie Revillame, Aga Muhlach and Derek Ramsey

Ruffa explains that the end of a marriage doesn’t happen overnight. “Mag-iisip ka pa, should I do it, you’ll think of reasons, you’ll wait for him to do something drastic,” she says. By the time their relationship ended, it went through many months of slow death. When she came home to Manila and her family saw the bruises on her body, they forbade her to go back to Istanbul. “Hihiga daw si Mommy sa runway, sagasaan na daw siya ng eroplano, wag lang ako bumalik sa Turkey,” she says on a lighter note. “I’m really thankful that I had a strong support system.”

6. She doesn’t quite get why men say they’re too overwhelmed to meet or talk to her. “Hello, if you’re intimidated by me then I wouldn’t want to be with you!

“I’ve chosen men in my life that have not done me any good, maybe it’s time to sit back, relax, and wait and see what God has in store for me,” she declares with a smile. She is currently on a year-long, self-imposed “love sabbatical” (that ends this November), after having gone through eventful relationships since her teenage days, from Zoren Legaspi way back when to John Lloyd Cruz a few years back. She also dated a couple of foreign men, saying that it is refreshing to be with someone who has no preconceived notions about you and with whom you can have a normal conversation. Ruffa shares that in one “life class” recently, she listed the qualities that her ideal man would possess. On the list were: tall, attractive, leadership qualities, generous, loves her kids, and someone with the same faith as her. “At the end of the day I may look like a diva, but my needs are simple, I just want to be happy and find comfort in the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

When asked about her sex life during this year-long sabbatical, she laughs out loud and says that more than that, it’s the companionship she misses. Someone to hug, watch a movie with, have a good conversation with. “I won’t die naman if it’s just one year, my whole life naman I’ve been hugged!”

With daughters Lorin and Venice at a Habitat for Humanity birthday build in Payatas

7. She does not want to be part of the “network wars” and is proud to have a good work relationship with ABS-CBN, GMA, and TV5. Despite her shocking network move, she signed with TV5 because her contract is three years and non-exclusive.

Ruffa had three shows on GMA when she chose to leave it all for a quiet family life in Turkey. She came back and was given a break by ABS-CBN for talk shows and teleseryes, then became one of the first big artists to move to TV5. On deciding between the offers of the two networks, she says, “I had to go with TV5 just because I wanted to secure my future and the future of my girls for the next three years.” She recently (and very publicly) quit her showbiz talk show Paparazzi, saying she refuses to be part of trashy reporting, and that she knows where to draw the line between degrading and entertaining. “The values and the principles the show stands for are no longer aligned to what I wish for myself and for my children,” she explains. Though she will not be returning to the show, the staff have reportedly apologized to Ruffa. Proving there is no bad blood between Ruffa and the network, she has already started taping an upcoming fantasy drama series.

8. Ruffa Gutierrez in numbers:

3: Number of men she has loved in her life. “A spontaneous love, a crazy love, and a tragic love. One day my forever love will come.”

15: Length in hours of the longest phone conversation she had with Yilmaz before they got married. “Todo naka-charge lang yung phone, and the only time we put it down was for a 10-minute bathroom break!”

3,000: First talent fee she ever got for a TV special titled Hiwaga ng Pasko. “The spiels were all in Tagalog and I had this thick Valley Girl accent.”

2: Number of times a week she gets a manicure and pedicure.

12: Number of pure poodles she had while growing up. Now, she has just one Maltese named Pumpkin.

9. The luxuries in Ruffa’s life:

Travel: “The memories that you make during your different travels to different countries, you will keep with you for life. That’s also the thing I want to teach Lorin and Venice. I’m taking them to Europe this summer. It is expensive, but I work hard naman and I want to have these moments with the kids. Wala na nga silang tatay, ide-deprive ko pa sila of seeing the world?”

At my 17th birthday in Stargazer with my mom Anabelle Rama, Rudy “Daboy” Fernandez and Lorna Tolentino. June 24 is my birthday and the wedding anniversary of Daboy and Ate Lorna.

Jewelry: “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend!” She shares that she keeps them in the bank and not in their house.

Shoes: “Bags kasi I just raid my mom’s closet. Shoes, hindi kami magka-size so I have to buy my own!” Ruffa, who wears a size 40, used to have a fetish for one-of-a-kind, outrageous designer pieces. “Now I want to go more simple, little by little I’m trying to change my taste.”

Sports: “I splurged on my scuba gear, I bought a bike, but I’m the type who buys things because I want to start, but I end up not finishing it. I have to learn to excel in one thing!”

10. Ruffa’s biggest advocacy is the fight against domestic violence, and she strongly believes the key is empowerment.

“I know it’s difficult, but never be afraid to speak out tell a friend,” she says. She herself didn’t tell her parents that she was abused until she decided to end her marriage. “A lot of the women that are in relationships that are abusive, normally their husbands are very powerful that’s why they are afraid. But with God and a strong support system, I think they can overcome it.” Ruffa says every single woman should empower herself, by working, by not sheltering herself and making her life revolve only around the husband, by having hobbies and sports, and by keeping themselves productive.

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I was curious to find out how Ruffa would answer the very same Miss World question she was asked before: How would you tell a girl who’s suffering from low self-esteem to feel better about herself? Her answer today: “It’s not about looking good but about feeling good about yourself, how you are as a woman, if you’re whole, in your spiritual life, family life, and everything else will follow.” Her answer before: “I’ll tell her to believe in herself because it’s not only physical beauty that’s important but also inner beauty.” Ruffa says she found her answer back then very “automatic” and “showbiz,” but it seems both answers say the same thing. The only difference is, the 19-year-old Ruffa probably answered that as an idealistic, first-time beauty queen, while the now late-30s Ruffa (she laughs it off when asked about her age) answers out of experience, wisdom, trials and victories. And whether you are a fan of Ruffa or not, it is the many controversies that keep coming her way that will continue to make her stronger and more beautiful.

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E-mail me at askiamsuperbianca@yahoo.com or follow me on Twitter <@iamsuperbianca>.

Taken at Vicki Belo’s residence for our life coaching co-ed Bible study group, which is held twice a month. I am with Anthony Pangilinan, KC Concepcion and Maricel Laxa-Pangilinan