Son being harassed in an all-boys school

DEAR NANAY,

My 14-year-old son is a sophomore in high school in an all-boys Catholic school. He is intelligent, in fact No. 1 in his class and No. 5 in their batch of almost 120 students. He has mentioned a boy who is always teasing him, once he mentioned that this boy calls him “babes.”  He told me this in a nonchalant way, as if it meant nothing to him.

Once he went home with a small gash in his leg which he got when they kicked each other because the boy opened his bag and was searching through his things.  After this incident, I asked him if he needed me to intervene. He said he could handle his classmate, who reaches only up to his chin, by the way, and he is 5’ 7 1/2” in height.

Just yesterday, he said he almost went to the guidance office to tell the counselor about the boy because he touched him on his behind.  I was shocked to hear this, and inquired if the boy has done it many times to him. The answer was in the affirmative and he even touched his private parts, when no one was looking.  Upon my inquiry I learned that they were seated at the back of the class side by side.  This boy has been abusing him, ordering him to do things for him and even borrowing money from him.  My first impulse is to tell their adviser, but my husband told me not to overreact, to think about the consequences, there might be an investigation, both of the boys could be branded as gay, and both of them might be expelled from school.  This school is run by priests and the rector is a priest who is openly homophobic. I’m pondering what to do next. I told my son to tell the boy that I already know, and if he will not stop touching him, I will talk to the guidance office and expose him even if it means that they will both be expelled.

What can I do? I don’t want my son to think I just let this thing pass without doing anything about it.  I thought of going to the guidance office, let the thing blow over and just transfer him to another school. Modesty aside, we are a well-to-do family, and we could afford to send him to private, elite schools in Manila.

I love my son very much, I want him to be happy, have a good future and, even if he is gay, I will support him.  Please help me soon, their classes will only be until this Friday, so I could decide where to enroll him next school year if the need arises.

Thank you very much. — MAY I NOT SIGN MY NAME

DEAR MAY I NOT SIGN MY NAME,

I think your primary responsibility as a parent is to place your son in an environment that is best for him, so that he can thrive and achieve all his potential. Regardless of where you place him — private or public school located in Manila or in the province — you need to give him the education that is best for him.

In order to make the best decision about which school to enroll him in, you might need to find out whether or not he really is gay. Maybe you should talk to him first. Ask him nicely without being judgmental. Granted, he may or may not tell the truth. Baka nga hindi pa siya sumagot. It is up to you to decide whether or not to believe what he says.

After you have come to a conclusion, you can be in a better position to decide where he should go to school. If he is gay, then a school that fosters a homophobic environment may not be the best place for him. If that is the case, then maybe it is really time to transfer him and look for a school that will be more open minded and can accept him for who he is.

If he is not gay and he is being harassed by a fellow classmate, then you can look at it the way you would any other case of harassment or bullying. You need to decide when enough is enough and that you have to tell the school authorities. After all, it is partly their responsibility to look after the welfare of your child.

Good luck!

Sincerely,

NANAY

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Book on Autism

DEAR NANAY,

I am a mother of a child with autism. I wrote a book and self-published it, had a book launch in one of the events of the Autism Society of the Philippines. I also own a special school and I also did a book launch there. Humility aside, I received very good reviews. I initially meant to give the book only to family and friends, and to those that can relate to it. However, now, I am so encouraged to publish it because I think it supports my advocacy of the importance of education for special children.

The book is Mama...Yes Anak (Yes, my Son). It is a short book that is autobiographical, a poignant story of a mother and son’s happy and sad experiences for the past 25 years. It narrates the life of a child with autism from the time he was born, diagnosed and trained and educated to his capacity. I was also encouraged undeniably by the show Budoy, which not only sparked awareness of the public to the condition, it also stimulated their interest in children with special needs. Nanay, can you please help me find someone who can publish my book again? If I want to sell it at National Book Store, what should I do? It is a very interesting book, I promise. Are you interested in having a copy?

I can send you one. Please help me because, I am doing this to be able to help parents like me who are as lost as I was back then. Thank you and more power to your column. — DR. Malu

DEAR DR. MALU,

If you just want to sell your books through National Book Store, call Juliet Gako of our purchasing department at 637-4481 to 82. She can guide you on the required procedures so that you can sell your book through our stores.

With regard to finding a publisher, I think you will have to do a little more homework. You need to shop your book to the different publishers and see who will be interested. Perhaps a good idea would be to go to the bookstore and see which local publishers do books that are similar to yours. If a publisher has produced books that are similar to yours in the past, they will have more experience as to what sales and marketing promotions will be effective.

For our own Anvil Publishing, you can get in touch with them at 477-4752 or email them at publishing@anvilpublishing.com.

Good luck!

Sincerely,

NANAY

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If you have a question, email us at asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.ph or just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.