Justice Serafin Cuevas' Mao hairdo and CJ Renato Corona's 'secret half-brother' (and other entertaining impeachment 'chismis')

If you can’t convince them, confuse them. — US President Harry S. Truman

Politics (noun): A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. — Ambrose Bierce

People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. — Will Rogers

Twenty-six years after the fiesta-like 1986 military-backed EDSA uprising restored Philippine constitutional democracy, we’re still plodding along seeking the tuwid na daan (the straight road) towards better governance and a more just society, but it’s more fun.

The unsolicited advice of this writer is for Tourism Secretary Mon Jimenez to use the ongoing Impeachment Trial in the Senate of Chief Justice Renato Corona to advertise that it’s really more fun here in the Philippines. Look, we have more humor, entertainment value and colorful characters in our politics, not just hot air and toxic waste!

Recently at the birthday dinner of idealistic former congresswoman and Reproductive Health (RH) bill author Risa Hontiveros Baraquel in Quezon City, I asked Senator Franklin Drilon why there is a widespread perception that the prosecutors seem to be bungling their own case and I also asked when the whole impeachment trial would end.

Senator Frank Drilon said their hope is that the impeachment trial will be finished by March 23 or at the end of their Senate sessions. So we better watch more closely and still be entertained, for the show apparently will end soon.

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On the perceived amusing shortcomings of the prosecution I asked whether it is sheer lack of education or that maybe young legislators like Niel Tupas came from a latter era with less quality education than the better-trained early generation lawyers like Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile or Justice Serafin Cuevas?

Drilon expressed this opinion: “Unlike the previous impeachment case before, the prosecution now doesn’t have a Sonny Belmonte and Joker Arroyo to lead them effectively.” He also added: “The prosecutors seem to lack trial experience.”

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On other more serious and controversial questions with even possible geopolitical ramifications, this writer asked both the birthday celebrant and her VIP guests like Senator Drilon whether it’s true that the People’s Republic of China Embassy reportedly plans to file a diplomatic protest against Justice Serafin Cuevas of the defense. Why? They are reportedly aghast that Justice Cuevas has allegedly and wittingly (?) committed sacrilege in copying the hair-do of their revered revolutionary hero Mao Zedong!

Another potential hot potato bombshell: Is it also true that the embattled yet defiant Chief Justice Renato Corona has a “secret half-brother” from Japan whom the prosecution has recently discovered and whom they shall soon invite to appear before the impeachment trial as their surprise witness to share supposedly “incriminating testimony”? His name? Toyota Corona!

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I don’t know who thinks up of all these fascinating or esoteric days like Chocolate Day or Smile at your Neighbor Day, but today, Feb. 26, is supposedly Carnival Day which celebrates a popular entertainment venue. Each year, millions of peoples worldwide go to carnivals and pay money to be entertained by colorful or death-defying treats, all sorts of clowns, monkeys, elephants, lions, animal acts and others.

Here in the Philippines, I believe our imperfect but still fun democratic politics is our big carnival entertainment; now showing live almost daily on TV or radio is our impeachment trial which showcases our carnival-like politics. Please feel free to observe the proceedings to make your own assessments for flashes of intellectual brilliance as well as who are the clowns and buffoons. Whatever your personal or partisan opinions, thank goodness we’re a noisy democracy with such legal, cerebral spectacles and not a chaotic, bloody Syria or Libya!

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Last, but not the least, I wish to point out the hilarious bill recently filed by Pampanga 3rd District Congressman Aurelio “Dong” Gonzales Jr. as House Resolution No. 2140 which I believe is another good case for Tourism Secretary Mon Jimenez to really advertise his “It’s More Fun in the Philippines” slogan to tourists of the world.

This resolution purportedly appeals to the Philippine TV and movie industry to “minimize, prevent or stop” depicting congressmen as “villains or crooks” in movies and telenovelas. Thanks a gazillion for not including us newspaper columnists in your bill!

My questions to Congressman Dong Gonzales are the following: Does the honorable legislator from Pampanga have no sense of humor? Does this legislator want our film producers and TV executives to, in effect, lie? Third question, which I’m borrowing from a line spoken by The Joker in the Batman movie: Why so serious?

This bizarre resolution reminds me of a story I have not yet verified with historians that many years ago before I was born, a congressman in Philippine Congress had reportedly filed a bill declaring typhoons persona non grata in our isles or not allowed to enter our territory. Now that it’s hot summer, will another congressman file a bill banning the tropical heat perhaps?

I also heard this one ages ago, though who knows if it’s true? Another genius congressman, in response to an economics expert saying food prices were then going up “due to the law of supply and demand,” that this grandstanding legislator reportedly jumped to grab the microphone and thundered his proposal that “Congress should immediately repeal the law of supply and demand.”

Finally, to make us happier this Lent season and to show that we in the Philippines are not the only ones with wacky politics, I wish to share a quote from one of my favorite leaders, the French emperor and military genius Napoleon Bonaparte. He once said (and I agree 1,000 percent): “In politics, an absurdity is not a handicap.”

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