Everyone has buttons a sensitive part of their psyche which when touched elicits strong or violent reaction. Sometimes far exceeding the situation at hand. Mine are the following. If you tell me something and then do something else, I see red. If I depend on you and you let me down I see red. If the whole team depends on you and you let them down, I see red. If I feel I am being unfairly treated, or if I feel someone has myopic vision and doesn’t see the bigger picture for the betterment of all, I go apoplectic.
Clearly, if I continue this way I am not going to last very long because the world is not perfect and there must be a more contained way to deal with imperfection.
So I do have therapy (ISIS) sessions weekly, to keep me on the right track. This time I decided to take a long stretch and really get at the bottom of my emotional reactions.
There is not enough space in this column to explain the process, but in brief what happened is that after delving deep into the pain of my reactions, what I felt was the pain of betrayal. And not always from this life I know you may find this strange, but it is the reality of my experience. I have no doubt that we have lived other lifetimes. There has been scientific evidence of this. It also makes sense. We are all so different. And we have memories stored in our subconscious: likes, dislikes, strong affinity with others, etc. Where does this come from? And I remember things; sometimes I feel I have already been to certain places, or met certain people.
While going really deep very deep I felt a past lifetime where I was a young, strong-willed lady from the upper crust of society. Somehow it seemed to be in the 18th century, and I fell in love with what seemed like a military man. I was young and naive and was heartbroken to find out he was just after my connections and money. I trusted and was let down, and it seems that I carried the pain of that so that if anything even slightly reminds me of a situation where I am let down, or not told the complete truth part of me remembers and there is a violent reaction.
I was surprised to see that the way out of that violent reaction is forgiveness. Somewhere towards the end of the session I was shown the sweet, soothing light of forgiveness, and my being felt much more peace. It’s like a sigh. Whew. I could let go when I forgave at the source. The two others in this lifetime whom I haven’t been able to find the generosity of spirit to forgive because the pain was deep I am now finding it much easier to see them in a different light. It was like a burden was lifted and real healing could take place. Forgiveness is not an intellectual process; it is energetic. The closing and contraction of the heart needs to be replaced with softness and opening. It’s not a one-shot deal, it needs constant awareness and work. Going back to the original source of where all this angst comes from and “discharging” the voltage of that situation makes it easier to deal with the situations after.
My lesson here? Not forgiving is a scar. It’s a wound. No matter what wrong has happened, if you don’t forgive, you take that pain with you. It’s in your subconscious. If a situation comes that reminds you of the same pain, your reaction is explosive. It undermines the harmony of any relationship you may be having or will have. It’s a bomb in your consciousness. It will color the way you look at the world and people. At the end of the day, even if you have been wronged, if you don’t forgive, you will be the one who suffers.
Even when people throw garbage and litter, I sometimes feel like shooting them. It’s not like that situation should not be addressed; just not from the point of view of anger, because this will eat up my quality of life.
The key to forgiveness? Let yourself feel the pain. Don’t shelve it. Get someone to hold the space for you: hold your hand and gently ease into the pain of whatever happened. Let yourself feel it in its entirety, without any judgment. Cry, grit your teeth but feel. Don’t think of the persons involved; just let yourself feel the energy of the pain. It will open something beautiful in you. A light will come in. Offer the pain to the divine. Let yourself be held. Let the light in. Forgive. Receive light. Give light.
There is one story of this very holy monk who never did any wrong in his life. On his deathbed, his nephew came near him and he could feel that his nephew was angling for money. He felt anger. Just before he died, he was in this state of anger. When he died, that anger took him to purgatorial-like spaces.
How you are, psychically, when you pass on to the next world is key. Forgive, otherwise you carry the burden of that pain this whole life, and even in the next. Sometimes pain comes for a reason. Feel it and then let go.
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I can be reached at regina_lopez@abs-cbn.com. Michele Goeldi does ISIS and she is good at helping one through spaces of pain. We have this life. Let’s navigate its labyrinth, and enter the next in joy and peace.