Is it okay to have a 'house husband'?

Dear Nanay,

I have been living and working in China for five years and met my husband there. We have been married for more than two years and we have a wonderful 20-month-old son.

Around November of last year, my husband decided for us to live here instead because he feels the business opportunities for us are better here because of my family and my family’s extensive network.

It’s been more than six months and my husband still doesn’t have a business of his own here although he has gotten a lot of help from my family in terms of contacts and resources. I got a franchise food cart and am about to finish my second renovation project. It is stressful for me to be returning home after a hard day and seeing my husband just watching TV with our son. He doesn’t seem to like work that much although when we talk about it he always says that he is not lazy and he rationalizes what he’s doing. I have a hard time understanding his point of view because I come from a family of workaholics.

My husband wants to go into trading minerals and doing agribusiness — complex ventures that require a lot of research and work — but he doesn’t have much initiative except when assisted by my family or he has friends from China here. On his own, he spends an awful lot of time watching TV and staying in the house.

Nanay, I don’t know what to do. We are mostly living off my parents and we are so privileged to be living the way we are, however, I feel very bad about it. For my part, I like working a lot and enjoy what I’m doing. I’m not earning yet but I’m hoping it will eventually lead to that one day. I don’t know what to do about my husband. I keep reading books and articles and, in theory, know that to be a good wife, I should be accepting and supportive of my husband.

It is very difficult to follow what the books say. Can you please help me, Nanay?    — Lost In Translation

Dear Lost In Translation,

First of all I do not think there is anything wrong with having a “house husband.” In today’s society, we find many cases where the wife is the primary or only breadwinner of the family while the husband is the one that stays home and takes care of the household and the children.

However, when one of the spouses — husband or wife — stays home and does not work due to “laziness” instead of making a conscious choice, I think that is a situation that should be remedied.

In your case, I think the best thing to do is to just talk to your husband. Find out exactly why he is just at home and not working. Make sure you talk nicely and be careful not to offend him. If you like, you can perhaps suggest a weekly schedule where he could have certain professional goals for each week — finish some research, apply to three jobs, etc. The schedule may help keep him on track and perhaps also pressure him to take the new job search more seriously.

Good luck!

Sincerely,

Nanay

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Dear Nanay,

I refer to the letter of Frustrated Daughter. 

Our government, with support from WHO and other organizations, has a National TB Control Program that aims to eradicate TB in the Philippines completely. Our hospitals — she might check QI along E. Rodriguez and the big ones such as PGH and Jose Reyes Memorial — are attending to their needs and giving medicines for free. 

Many years ago, our laundrywoman contracted TB and went to the local health unit here in Marikina. It was a good treatment program as the clinic was even the one calling up to remind her that she needed to go to the clinic for follow-up check-ups and to get the medicines she needed as part of the year-long treatment.

Much appreciate it if you may kindly pass this info to her.

 — Marita Del Rosario

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