What my grandfather Tan Yu taught me

Editor’s note: Samantha Mae Coyiuto is a 16-year-old national junior tennis player and author of Flight to the Stars and three other children’s books. Starting next week, Mae joins the Young Star as a regular columnist.

Ten years have gone by since my grandfather passed away. I remember a lot of things about my Gong gong (grandfather). I remember how he would always have Country’s Chicken or Chickenjoy on the dinner table on weekends when we would visit him. I remember that he’d love to wear cowboy hats all the time. I remember how every Christmas and New Year, he’d have so many guests over because he just loved hosting dinner celebrations. Plus, my clearest memory of my Gong gong is his always insisting that I sit next to him on his favorite couch.

But I never knew what his favorite color was or what his hobbies were. I never knew about his childhood or even bothered to ask about it actually. That’s the funny thing about people. We never realize how great they are until we lose them.

I didn’t know my Gong gong fully well. Taking him for granted is probably the biggest mistake of my entire life. I know that I can never bring back those years but the best thing I can do now is to make sure that an amazing person like my grandfather will never be forgotten.

This is the story of my grandfather, Tan Yu. There are a lot of words one can use to describe my Gong gong. He was a businessman, a father, a husband and an amazing storyteller.

This was a Chinese parable Gong gong used to tell all the time:

Simple pleasures: I remember a lot of things about my Gong gong. I remember how he would always have Country’s Chicken or Chickenjoy on the dinner table on weekends when we would visit him. I remember that he loved to wear cowboy hats all the time.

True Beauty

In the spring and autumn, there was a woman in Zhuji called Xi Shi. She was one of the renowned four beauties in ancient China and was admired by all.

 Then there was Dong Shi. People saw her as the complete opposite of Xi Shi and called her ugly. She envied Xi Shi so much that she was willing to copy her every move just so that she could be called beautiful as well.

Xi Shi would often have chest pains. As a result she would walk doubled over and always had a frown on her face. One day, Dong Shi saw Xi Shi in this position and thought that this could be the secret to Xi Shi’s beauty. She tried to imitate her. But when a rich young man saw Dong Shi, he was so disgusted that he went inside and shut his door at the sight of her.

This left Dong Shi thinking, “What have I done wrong?”

Lesson No. 1 from Gong gong: Blind imitation will get you nowhere. Be yourself.

There are two kinds of successful people in the world. There are those who are born with everything they need, and on the other hand, there are the people who start with absolutely nothing but work their way to the top.

Gong gong falls under the latter category.

He hated going to school. Most of his peers were more well-off than him. Their parents had bought for them the cleanest uniforms and shoes that were so shiny, one could see one’s reflection on them. Unfortunately for Gong gong, he could not afford a good pair of pants. He had to wear his only pair of pants every day, which had patches all over them.

He was not the model student either. He dreaded going to school partly because he hated doing schoolwork and he didn’t like listening to his teachers. No one would have labeled him “Most Likely to Succeed” back then.

Gong gong was born in the Fujian province of China during a time of political turmoil and revolution. He and his family had to move to the Philippines in order to look for a better life. They built a home in Camarines Norte in the Bicol region.

Unfortunately, his father passed away when Gong gong was just a little boy. So that left my grandfather and his elder brother to support the family. My grandfather had to work before and after his classes. He peddled foodstuff on the streets and also worked as a fisherman. Eventually he had to stop studying and work full time. This was also a turbulent time for Manila, because the Philippines was under Japanese occupation.

My aunt told me that Gong gong loved his little sister so much. Even though they had only a little to eat during meals, he would deliberately not eat his share so that his sister could have more. He also loved his mother very much. His filial piety and love for his mother is a legend well known among the Chinese community.

And how he loved working! If he had a choice, he would have worked all day for as long as he lived. He loved being a fisherman and it had given him the drive to dream.

Lesson No. 2 from Gong gong: Anything is possible. Struggles and humble beginnings do not equate to defeat.

We would visit Gong gong every weekend.

I still remember that we would always hang around in his favorite room because it had the best TV in the house. I always noticed that this room was filled with many pictures of Gong gong holding up trophies and a large scroll with the huge calligraphy of the word “ren.” My grandfather’s favorite Chinese character, it means “forbearance” or “endurance” in English. The character is composed of the word “heart” and the element “knife.”

Symbolically, this means that in order to forbear or to endure, one must place the “knife” over the “heart.” Many succeed because they exercise patience, even to the point of suffering pain, and many fail due to lack of such perseverance.

Gong gong had varied interests, and one of them was ping-pong. He was not just a ping-pong player, he was a champion. Who would have expected that this poor boy from Bicol would be the number one ping-pong player in the country?

He would compete in Taiwan, Hong Kong and other parts of Asia. Now ping-pong may seem like such a simple sport but it is way harder than it looks. It requires consummate skill, determination, perseverance, discipline and so much more important athletic qualities.

My grandfather made his first million pesos by the age of 18. His mother had sent him to Manila to work as a store clerk in Kau Thong Trading. He boarded a US naval vessel to get to Manila, spending two days and one night at sea. At Kau Thong Trading, he slept in the storage room, and worked tirelessly, earning 50 pesos per month. He worked so hard, earned just enough to survive, and had to be alone in a strange unfamiliar place.

Then he moved up as a salesman, later came into his own as an independent distributor, until finally he became the owner of many textile mills. He soon diversified into banking and real estate here and abroad.

One of the stories he loved to recount to his children was of a woman he had known when he was a teenager. She was the most beautiful girl in the whole province. Naturally, every guy out there would be lining up to court her. You could find the best looking, the smartest, the richest, and the most popular guy in her retinue of suitors. Everyone wondered whom she would eventually pick.

She picked the least attractive man in town.

Everyone wondered why she had chosen him out of all the suitors. What they didn’t know was that this guy went to the woman’s house every day. He would do all the chores for her, give her so many gifts, and did absolutely everything to make her notice him.

Lesson No. 3 from Gong gong: Success is all hard work, determination, and perseverance.

My mom always recounted the two stories of the time they all thought they were going to lose my Gong gong.

The first was when Gong gong had a heart bypass.

The second incident came a few years later. Gong gong had a kidney transplant but the doctor said he needed a second kidney operation because his body was rejecting his new kidney. All odds were against him and all the doctors said he had slim chances of living for a long period after his operation. He refused to have a second operation and turned to God in this dark period of his life.

I was born in 1994. I was to know him for only eight years — which is eight years after his doctors told him that he had only slim chances of surviving.

Lesson No. 4 from Gong gong: Miracles happen because God is always by your side.

A few years back, I remember randomly researching about my grandfather. I was amazed that he had his own Wikipedia page. It was no secret that my grandfather was a phenomenal success. He came to be known as a good businessman and captain of industry. But what I admire most about my grandfather was his mission and dream for the country.

In my opinion, his biggest accomplishment was his impact on the lives of the many Filipinos he reached out to.

He established the Kingpaoguat Typoco Tanyu Internationale Foundation (KTTI).

Through this, he was able to give scholarships to thousands of Filipinos and donated thousands to public schools. He did not want anyone to be deprived of the right to education due to poverty, like he was. His personal motto was: “From the Society, for the Society.”

I remember the week after we heard the news of my grandfather’s passing. His whole big house was filled with people crying. They were telling me of what a great man my Gong gong was.

For me, my grandfather was not just a great man; he was a legend.

There may have been thousands of articles written about my grandfather and this one may not be that different from any of them. But I am proud of the fact that this great man had walked this country and I hope that somehow his life story will leave a significant footprint on the sands of time.

Representing the country: As the No. 1 ping-pong player in the country, he competed in Taiwan, Hong Kong and other parts of Asia

We live in a very chaotic and uncertain world. There are calamities everywhere and disasters striking at every possible moment. It makes us wonder if there is a possibility at all of a better life for our country.

But what if there were more people like my grandfather? What if there were more people who lived for the society?

I guess the most important lesson from Gong gong is this:

There can be a better tomorrow for our society, for our country and for our world, but only if we give a part or the whole of ourselves for the good of others.