A new mother, an old problem

DEAR NANAY,

Good day. I’m a previous letter sender and I followed your advice. I was five months pregnant when I wrote you. I gave birth last October to a healthy baby girl. We tried to be parents to our child but still there are problems. My boyfriend’s old girlfriend is making trouble until now. Magpapakamatay daw siya kapag iniwan siya (She said she would kill herself if he left her).

One more problem is that my aunt wants to adopt the baby. It is hard and difficult for a mother to see her baby with a different surname, but it is also hard and difficult for me to see my baby and unable to fulfill all her needs. I do not have income as of now. I also do not want to depend on the father of the baby because until now his decision is not clear. He says he is with us but doesn’t act like it.

I need more advice, Nanay. — MARTYR

DEAR MARTYR,

As far as your boyfriend is concerned, I think he will just have to make a decision regarding what he wants to do with his life. There are two things he needs to decide on: Who he wants to be with and what he will do to help support your baby.

With regard to who he wants to be with, I think that is really his decision to make. You have to realize that just because you have a baby together does not mean that he needs to be with you. Mas maganda sana na magkasama kayo (It would be better if you were together), but this is not necessarily the way it will happen. What he needs to do is to just make a choice once and for all.

With regard to his responsibility as a father, I think it is only proper that he contribute — at the very least financially — to the needs of your baby. If he refuses to contribute, you can probably consult a lawyer regarding your legal rights with respect to whether or not you can ask for financial support from him.

As to the offer of your aunt to adopt the baby, only you can make that decision. I will not even dare to imagine how difficult it is for a mother to give up her child for adoption. But I also understand that, sometimes, it is what is best for the baby and at the end of the day, that is often what really counts. Unfortunately, only you can really assess your situation and make that decision. There are just too many variables for me to be able to actually advise you what to do.

The other thing you might want to do is to start looking for a job. Take whatever job you can find and don’t be too picky.  Pag may trabaho ka na, malaking tulong ang maibibigay ng perang kikitain mo sa iyo at iyong pamilya (When you have a job the money you earn will go a long way in helping your family).

Most importantly, do not lose hope. No matter how difficult your situation is, you have to realize that you are not alone and that there are surely other people with less in life who have been able to make do with whatever they have.

Sincerely,

NANAY