BB Anonymous

I have a sleep problem. It’s not because I have insomnia, maybe a little of that Apple TV-itis. However, the greatest culprit is this magical brick that was conceived in Canada… the Black Berry.

Anyone who owns one can relate to the hypnotic beat of that flashing red light on the left. It’s like a little siren. Someone wants your attention now at 3 a.m.!  When you can get e-mails, Facebook updates and BBMs (Black Berry Messenger) at any time wherever you are…it’s a dangerous game. BBM for all seasoned Black Berry users is like the new Facebook. It’s a chat format where you can instant message, send photos, videos and voice clips. It is a tool for potential unemployment or irresponsible romantic overtures.

I sometimes wish that the screen had a tanning option so at least I’ll get a sun-kissed look while drowning in BB world. My eyes are blurry from all the BB glare but I can’t help it. At night, I bury it inside my night stand with my hand cream and tanning lotion so I don’t get seduced by that blinking red light and I can focus on this Alain de Button book that I have been trying to read for a month already!

Laptops can easily be tucked away but a device that fits in your palm and some BB-friendly Chanel clutches are dangerous. Scary things come in small sizes. I lie awake thinking… is someone BBM-ing me nonsense? I must know. I sometimes dream of the red light flashing, like how gambling addicts see the lights of slot machines.

Crackberry may have been the best and worst thing to happen to me. And for those who have fallen into its spell, you all know what I mean!

Marcel, a good friend of mine, even got a BB so he can get stock quotes on the golf course. It has massive potential to ruin his game when the Dow is down but allows him to play golf four times a week. Life of a 35-year-old retiree. When his BB burnt out, he felt he was back in the Mesopotamian era. “I completey forgot about my laptop…it was like roughing it,” he said plaintively.

We also use it to Google potential chicks for our lonely bachelor friends. But on the hands of a drunken lothario, it’s an evil thing. Think drunk BBM-ing… for heaven’s sake, hope there are no pictures!

I have learned to BBM while my phone is in my bag. The video SMS included in the BBM function allows you to instantly speak to each other without being on the line with one another. It’s instant connection factor to the world gives it its golden sheen. I travel all the time so I like sharing pictures with my posse. It’s like we have a tabloid for our group and we’re the paparazzi. Wendy in Greece, me spotting Lapo Elkann, Jackie eating Maisen in Tokyo. With our mobile lives, it’s the best thing ever. Marcel uses it as his devotional tool for our dog Caligula, a child of a broken but happy home; he has almost a hundred Caligula photos. He has so much he matches the screen with a Caligula pose that matches his mood for the day.

It’s so funny that years ago we had pay phone and beepers. Total crack dealer artillery. Today I can send a silly song to Jackie while I’m at a shoot and she can send me a video of her dog barking.

Talk about togetherness. Warning BBs are not for commitment phobics. Totally made for scumbags.