Of authors, shepherds and caterpillars
THIS WEEK’S WINNER
Marieta R. Manza graduated with a BS in development communication and a master’s degree in development management from the University of the Philippines Los Baños. For more than 10 years she served the International Rice Research Institute in various capacities in the area of communication and management where she worked closely with some of the authors she mentions in this article. A former member of the Philippine Agricultural Journalists and Philippine Science Journa-lists, she was also part of the team that wrote the centennial book National Scientists of the
I love reading books, especially inspirational ones. A bona fide admirer of authors, I was privileged to meet some of them and even got to know some personally and worked with them. To this day, I keep my collection of books with some of these authors’ dedications and signatures.
Rafael Ma. Guerrero, author of Philippine Cinematography, put in his dedication: “To Mayette, A true student of the cinema.” My former boss, Dr. Thomas Hargrove, gave me a copy of his book The Mysteries of Taal and wrote at the back cover: “To Mayette, a friend and colleague.” Another former boss, Dr. Prabhu Pingali, gave me a copy of his Impact of Rice Research with this dedication: “I shall always remember your hard work, dedication and your friendship.” I still keep Og Mandino’s Success Unlimited in which he has written this one-word dedication: “Love!”
I do not have Bob Ong’s autograph and I wonder why he wants to remain incognito, as he mentioned in his book Stainless Longganisa. Perhaps he doesn’t want to get tired from signing books. This may be true of some authors who just sign their names in the offhand way Neil Anderson did on my copy of his Bondage Breaker. James Engel did the same on my copy of his Contemporary Christian Communications book. On the other hand, I received a very encouraging note from Susan Titus Osborn in my copy of her Christian Writing and Speaking: “May God richly bless your writing, Mayette!”
So far, I have only written articles and a chapter in a book and, by God’s grace, I have seen them published. Writing a whole book, however, is still an unfulfilled dream.
If my life were a book, what would it be? The thought made me reflect on how I’ve lived my life so far. I have lived half of my supposed lifetime. I ask myself these questions: What have I done? Am I a better person for the lessons I learned in the past?
Search For My Personal Legend
Like the shepherd in Paolo Coelho’s The Alchemist, who sold his sheep and left everything behind and traveled to a foreign land to search for his personal legend, I also did the same. I gave up my comfort zone, leaving the familiar and embarked on my own quest. In the process, I came across upon what Coelho calls “a language in the world that everyone understood — the language of enthusiasm, of things accomplished with love and purpose as part of a search for something believed in and desired.”
This phase of enthusiasm was short-lived, though. After the long quest, I felt so tired, bored and burned out. Like Solomon in Ecclesiastes, I reached a point in my journey where I had no more enthusiasm left. “All is meaningless, a chasing after the wind,” I thought, echoing Solomon’s cry.
Already Written
Through all this, I knew and fully agreed with Rick Warren’s conclusion in his book The Purpose-Driven Life: bringing enjoyment to God, living for His pleasure, is the foremost purpose for living. Related to this, a friend of mine once told me: “Our stories are already written. We just need to get ourselves aligned to the story line the Great Author has prepared for us.”
Getting aligned with that story was not easy, though. In the process of seeking my elusive personal legend, I did not notice there were signs along the way placed by the Great Author to lead me. So focused on my search was I, I still wondered if I was maximizing the gifts and talents He had given to me; wondered if I was in the right place doing the right thing I was supposed to do.
Like Stripe and Yellow, the two caterpillars in Trina Paulus’ Hope for the Flowers, I also crawled to the top and found nothing worthwhile there. I was restless. Discontented. I knew the Great Author had something much better for me. And I must strive to get to it. At some point, however, I was sure that at last the Great Author had placed me where He wanted me. A perfect place. I was enjoying what I am doing. Using the gifts He had given me. Being in the center of what I love to do most.
Dazzled and Betrayed
But then, again, I was like The Alchemist’s shepherd boy, who in his quest for his treasure, went to a foreign country and in the midst of different surroundings, got distracted by a dazzling sword. When he came to his senses, he found all his money gone — taken by the boy whom he had trusted.
Like him, I also found myself in a similar situation: away from my comfort zone, in search for my personal legend. Dazzled and betrayed, I went through critical transitions in the workplace and had failed relationships. Adding to the frustration of seemingly not getting in touch with my “personal legend,” I had to face the death of my mother, whom I considered the most important person in my life.
At that time, I was not even aware I was denying myself the healing power of grieving. I went on as if nothing had happened. Later on, however, I had to go through a much-delayed and lingering phase of depression. The term “mid-life crisis” sounded like an understatement then. I felt as if I was in a different country, a stranger in strange land, where I couldn’t even speak the language. I was no longer what I had been and I had nothing, not even the inner strength to return and start everything over.
Still dazed from my fall, I realized my story was not about me, another shepherd, seeking my personal legend; instead it was about the Great Shepherd seeking me all the time, not stopping until He found me. All through my quest, He had always been there, covering me with His ever-present protection, His gracious provision and His comforting presence. I recognized that the Great Shepherd is the Great Author, who with His invisible Hand, continues to write my story — the personal legend I was seeking. I believe He knows its beginning and end. Despite my mistakes, the wrong choices I made and the wrong turns I took, I knew He meant my story to end well.
The Best Is Yet To Come
Like Yellow, the caterpillar that became a cocoon and later turned into a beautiful butterfly in Hope for the Flowers, I found myself in an in-between house where the change took place and it looked as if I was hiding. Anyone who peeked might have thought that nothing was happening. Like Yellow, I knew that what looked like me had died, but what was really me still lived.
The process I went through was surely different from that of those who die without ever becoming butterflies. It was not easy and I knew it would take time, yet in perfect timing, as the Great Author had planned, the butterfly in me had already wiggled out and had flown from its cocoon.
Living Out My Purpose
If my life were a book, it would tell of my discovery that the personal legend I was seeking was within me and not dependent on other people or my circumstances; neither was it based on my position and possessions. My life as a book would tell of my metamorphosis, the process of my becoming a better person. It would speak of the life lessons, insights and realizations I have learned: that life is short and I have to make full use of all opportunities to serve others. Now I choose to fight only the battles that are worth fighting for, not wasting my time and energy on people and things that distract me from pursuing what my Great Author wants me to do and to have. For now I know my purpose in life is not merely self-seeking but reaching out and helping others find their personal legends as well.
My life as a book is not finished yet. It is still unfolding and is now in the middle of its most exciting chapters. So when the time of reckoning comes, the time when my book will have reached its conclusion, I will seek the Great Author’s autograph on it. I would like to see Him smile as He hands me back my book, the one He has written specifically for me, and I hope He’ll sign it: “Well done, Mayette! I am pleased.”
